


Wrong Time

by imaginentertain



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 78,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginentertain/pseuds/imaginentertain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sonny proposed to Paul.  Paul said no.  But what if he hadn't?  What if Sonny had married Paul and come back to Salem where he'd met his cousin Abi in the square right before she introduced him to Will Horton?</p><p>What happens when you meet the right man at the wrong time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this over a year ago. I promise. I have people who can back me up with that. 
> 
> And then Paul turned up and so I re-wrote my OC hubby to be him. My people can also back me up with how stuff that happens in canon have roots in what is here.

Taking a deep breath, Will pushed open the door to the coffee house, giving it a gentle knock as he did so.

"I'm sorry, we're closed," Sonny called out. "Hey," he said as he saw it was Will, "what's up?"

"Nothing much, saw the light on, thought I'd see if you needed a hand."

"Another pair of hands is always welcome," Sonny grinned, throwing him a cloth. "God knows the help isn't much help."

"I heard that," came a voice from the back. "Rude."

"He loves me really," Sonny grinned.

"That's debateable."

"Shut up, Paul," Sonny and Will said at the same time before sharing a grin.

"I'm wounded," Paul feigned, putting the box he'd been carrying down and putting his hand over his heart.

"So, what's up?" Sonny asked. "'cause I'm thinking this little... visit isn't just out of the goodness of your heart."

"No, it's nothing big," Will said.

"Well how was your day?" Paul asked, joining Sonny behind the counter.

"Eh, nothing big. Just... the usual. Ran some errands, tried to sleep through my calc lecture, came out to my grandma, went to the gym—"

"Wait, what?" Sonny and Paul said in unison, both of them leaning on the counter.

"What was that?" Sonny asked.

"Went to the gym—"

"No, before that, before that," Sonny laughed.

"I... yeah, I came out—I told my grandmother I'm gay. I guess I'm telling you guys now, not that it's a big deal."

"No, this is a big deal, this is major," Sonny said.

"Ask me it's about time," Paul said.

"Shut up." Sonny gave him a gentle shove. "Ignore him, Will, just... ignore him. I do it all the time."

"No, but... really. It's not that big a deal," Will said.

"Yes, it is," Sonny said.

"No, he's right, it is," Paul said. "This is... it's great, Will. It's fantastic. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Will grinned.

"This calls for a drink to celebrate," Paul said. "Put the good stuff on."

"Yes, sir," Sonny laughed, giving a mock salute as he turned to swap out the coffee pot.

"No, you don't—" Will started.

"Shut up, yes we do," Paul said. "This is a big deal, Will. Coming out... it's a big step."

"Tell me about it," Will said with a nervous laugh. "I was... terrified about coming in here and telling you guys."

"What? Why?" Sonny asked.

"Well, I figured you two would be sick of me by now, taking forever to get my act together."

"It takes what it takes," Sonny said as he poured out three mugs. "No," he then added, slapping Paul's hand away as he reached for the syrup, "you'll be up all night."

"Since when do you complain about that?" Paul joked. "You like it when I'm up all night, in fact—"

"Not about us," Sonny said. "To Will. Congrats, man, it takes a lot of courage to come out." He held up his mug in a toast. "I'm proud of you. We're proud of you."

"Thank you," Will said as he accepted the toast. "I just... Thank you."

"Thank you? For what?" Paul asked as he took a sip. He pulled a face and reached around Sonny to grab the syrup bottle. "Shut up," he said as he put a splash in.

"I just... I look at you two, and it gives me hope. Maybe it's not going to be that bad."

"Aw," Paul said, "look at that. We're an inspiration, Sonny." He pressed up against the side of Sonny's face, peppering his cheek with little kisses.

"Well you _were_ ," Will quipped.

"Look, it's... going to be tough," Sonny said, "but saying it? Actually admitting to yourself that you're gay? That's the toughest part. Just being honest with yourself, who you are and what you're feeling? That's the most important thing of all. If you're not doing that then you're not actually living your life."

"My husband speaks in motivational quotes," Paul said, kissing him on the cheek. "I should keep him in a frame above the bar."

Will laughed into his cup as Sonny took a swipe at Paul.

"Not to diminish the moment or anything, but those boxes won't bring themselves through by themselves," Paul said, stepping away from Sonny's reach. "Besides we both know that if you're looking for advice then Sonny is the one to ask."

"That's probably true," Sonny laughed. "So what do you want to know?"

"...Everything?" Will replied.

"Yeah, it's overwhelming. But you don't need to do everything in one day. No one is expecting you to..."

"Be you?" Will said. "I mean, the whole in love, got married to another guy thing."

"Married to another guy thing?" Sonny laughed.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to... that came out wrong."

"No, man, I get it. And it's not like the good ol' U S of A actually recognises that we're married. But we do, that's the main thing. And Mom has _finally_ stopped going on about missing out."

"Bet you're relieved about that."

"Not half as much as Paul is," Sonny laughed.

"So what did it take to get her to stop?"

"A promise that as soon as it's legal here we do it properly."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I know," Sonny grinned. "Paul just says that it's an excuse for a party and gifts. Running off and doing some... commitment ceremony thing with a few close friends in San Francisco isn't quite the same as the big family party."

"Your family," Will pointed out.

"Hey, no, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't start thinking that he got out of here because we're going to have the parent conversation."

"I... what?" Will asked.

"Paul's family are idiots, he's doing great, things are a bit weird still between him and his dad but they're getting there and his story is not the rule, OK?"

"Have you met my parents?" Will laughed.

"Your dad seems pretty cool."

"Yeah, but he has no idea this is coming."

"Are you sure? I mean, he gets this look on his face when he sees the three of us hanging out together."

"Yeah, he thinks I'm going to... you know."

"What? Catch the gay?"

"He's not _that_ ignorant. But he's just... worried about people getting the wrong impression of me."

"Yeah?"

"He made a comment about me coming between you guys, like I'm not only going to catch the gay but—"

"What? Wreck my marriage?" Sonny asked.

"I have no idea," Will laughed.

"Want me to come with you when you talk to him?"

"I think that might actually make it worse, thanks anyway."

"What about your mom?"

"Are you kidding me? No. No way."

"Will—"

"No. She's not knowing this about me."

"Will—"

"No."

"OK, OK," Sonny said. "But you know you can't hide this from her."

"It's not like she cares."

"But—"

"No. Enough, OK? Mom will make this all about her and I just... I can't deal with that."

"You don't have to make any decisions now, you know that? One step at a time." Sonny walked around the counter and held out his arms. "Come here."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. C'm'ere," Sonny laughed. They hugged it out before Will pulled back and gestured to the door. "Oh no, you don't have to—"

"No, you guys need to clean up and get home, and I need to go... think about my next move. Can I... can I talk to you about it? When I know what it is?"

"Oh yeah, of course, any time."

"Goes for me too!" Paul called out from the back. He stuck his head around the partition and smiled. "Your parents are crazy, but they're not my parents kind of crazy. So trust me, you'll be fine. And if you're not then I can get you through it."

"Thanks," Will said. "No, seriously. Thank you, guys. I wouldn't have come this far without you."

"That's a lie," Sonny said, putting his arm around Will's shoulders, "you'd have done fine."

"Maybe."

"No maybe about it," Paul said. "Will, you have a lot going for you. And one day you're going to make some guy very, very happy."

"I can't even imagine that right now."

"I couldn't once," Paul said as he walked over to Sonny and pulled him into his arms, "couldn't even imagine being honest about who I was. Then out of nowhere I meet this guy. Literally out of nowhere," he laughed.

"I know, you've told the story a million times," Will laughed. "Just another party, all the girls lining up to try their luck, then this guy comes out of nowhere…"

"Is he...? I think he's mocking us, Sonny," Paul deadpanned. "I think he's making light of the most romantic meeting in all of history. You coming to my rescue, pulling me away from the crowd and saving me from all that drama. And then saving me in a whole other way."

"See? Motivational quotes," Sonny grinned. "Sometimes I don't know why I'm still married to this crazy man."

"Says the one who led in to the proposal with, 'I have a crazy idea'," Paul retorted. 

"You said yes" Sonny pointed out, kissing Paul's cheek.

"Yeah, I'm going home," Will laughed, turning and grabbing his jacket. "Thanks for listening. And for... well... everything."

"Not a problem," Sonny said, reaching out for Will. He ended up grabbing Will's hand and squeezed it gently. "If you need anything, if you wanna talk, doesn't matter what time, you know where we are."

"Any time, OK?" Paul called. "But if it's before eight in the morning I will palm you off onto Sonny."

"Later," Will laughed as he walked away. He turned back to close the door, catching Paul spin Sonny around and pull him in for a kiss.

###

Turns out most people are alright with it. Well, after they've had time to get over the shock. Will takes comfort in the fact that his dad is trying to get his head around it (after many assurances that Sonny and Paul haven't convinced him to be gay, that he's not just looking for what they have – well he is, because who doesn't want to find someone they love and can spend the rest of their life with?). Gabi wondered if it was because of her, but she soon realised that it explained a lot of the issues they'd had. She promised her support and love and Will felt better about it all with each new person he told.

"Told you," Sonny said as he put the coffee in front of Will. "Most people are pretty good when someone they love comes out. They love you, that's the important thing, and this is just... new information about you. You're still you, just... their understanding of you is a little different."

"You make it sound like I got a haircut or a tattoo." 

"I'm sorry," Sonny laughed, "I don't mean to be so dismissive. How's your mom?"

"Still making this about her. But that's Sami Brady 101 so I'm not that surprised."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm lucky, she's really the only one—"

"She'll come 'round. She loves you."

"A little too much," Will laughed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Where's Paul?"

"Suppliers. Want me to ask him to call you when he gets back?"

"What? No, no It wasn't... You're right, Mom loves me. She'll get used to the idea. Just... I wish it didn't matter so much to her."

"Will," Sonny said gently, reaching across the counter and putting his hand over Will's. "This is huge, but not in the way you're worrying about. Thing is... parents don't usually spend their lives thinking about their kid's sexuality. Because most of the people they meet are straight, or at least seem it, then that's what they assume. Not just for you, but for everyone. It's not personal, it takes time to change how you think. And that's what you're doing, you're making them rethink their whole world. It's what I did, it's what Paul did. We made them realise that the people they know, they love, they see every single day? We might not be what you assume we are. That's a lot to get your head around... How long did it take you to get your head around it?"

"OK, but—"

"Your mom is not Paul's mom. And even if she were, they're... better now."

"Better?"

"Talking at least. When we arrived in Salem he called her and said he'd gotten married. She was shocked, of course, but I think it made her realise just how much she was missing out on his life, what she would miss out on."

"You mean like kids?"

"Maybe," Sonny grinned. "I... I don't know."

"What? C'mon, you'd make a fantastic dad."

"I'd like to find out one day."

"What, so Paul...?"

"It's not that he's against the idea, he's just... not in a rush."

"And you are?"

"I never said that, and why are we suddenly talking about me?" Sonny laughed.

"Because everyone is talking about me and me coming out and I'd just like a different topic of conversation for once."

"And me and Paul having kids is that topic?"

"Yes."

Sonny laughed before looking down. He saw, as if he were noticing it for the first time, that his hand was still on Will's and that his fingers had, all the while they'd been talking, rubbing gentle patterns on his skin.

He pulled back quickly, shocked at himself and his actions.

"Anyway, I should... I mean this place..."

"Yes, right, sorry," Will said. "I should... thanks for listening."

He got up and walked off, and Sonny thought nothing of it until he realised that Will's coffee was still on the counter, hot and barely touched.

"Well done, Kiriakis," he muttered to himself. Reaching into his pocket he took out his phone, quickly typing a text.

_Sorry, didn't mean to chase you off. Please don't think I didn't want to spend time with you! There's just so much going on right now_

He stopped, then rewrote half of the text.

_Things are really hectic at the moment, but that doesn't mean that I don't have time for you, or that I won't make time for you, OK? You can always talk to me about anything. Always. S_

He sent that before he could talk himself out of it. A few minutes later his phone buzzed with the reply.

_Thank you. W_

###

"...I just feel like I dismissed him or something," Sonny finished, feeling a pang of guilt that had nothing to do with the way he'd treated Will that day. He told himself that it was just a touch, a hand on hand touch. When it came to Will and physical contact it was nothing new. Will, unlike many people, had never had an issue around roughhousing with Sonny or Paul like they were 'one of the boys'. To Will they were. So they'd hugged before, they'd been very tactile in games of pick-up-basketball, so this wasn't such a big deal. And yet Sonny had found himself omitting that one detail about a simple touch during his recount to Paul over dinner.

"I'm sure he gets it," Paul replied around the last mouthful of food. "He knows we're here for him, he knows we'll always help him, but he also knows we have a business to run and stuff to do. I'm sure he didn't take it personally."

"I love how much you care about him," Paul continued, swallowing and reaching for his wine glass. "All baby gays should be so lucky as to have their very own Sonny Kiriakis to help them come out."

"Don't call him that," Sonny said, his tone a little too defensive. "Sorry, it's just... I don't want him to think that he's useless at this. Being gay."

"He kinda is," Paul said. "So were we all. None of us came out and were suddenly bestowed with all the knowledge contained in the Gay Bible. Would have made things a lot easier if we were, though," he added with a grin, "especially the first time—"

"That doesn't mean we should be saying or doing anything to reinforce that idea," Sonny cut across. "I mean it, Paul, no comments like that. He might not know everything but he's going to learn and he won't if you're shutting him down like that."

"I didn't say it to him," Paul said carefully, put his glass down, "I said it to my husband in the privacy of our home."

"But it's what you're thinking."

"Sonny—"

"Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... I'm sorry. It's just, you didn't see him today. He's just so overwhelmed by it all and I don't want anything, not even misplaced but well-meaning comments to get in the way of him feeling like he won't learn or find out, or that he's useless at it."

"You said that already."

"Still true."

"OK, fine, no comments. Will Horton is out and proud and still learning. I will be a good teacher. Except when it comes to sex."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm married," Paul said carefully, "and while I might be able to answer some of the technical stuff he can find out the reality with his own boyfriend. Why, did you think I meant...?"

"No, I just... sorry. Been one of those days."

"Anything I can help with?"

"No, I just need to forget it."

Paul grinned and pushed back his chair. "Now that I _can_ help with."

Sonny laughed as Paul pulled him out of his chair, immediately slotting their bodies together. His eyes drifted shut as Paul's mouth attached itself to his neck, his hands and feet guided him towards their bed, and only opened when Paul lay himself out under Sonny.

"God I love you," Paul said as Sonny crawled over him. "My saviour."

"Love you too."

The rest of the evening was lost to their routine of kisses and touches and laughter and pants and mutterings of love and cries of names. Married life, Sonny reasoned, was pretty good indeed and he hoped that one day Will would have this too.

It wouldn't be until Paul joined him in the shower afterwards that he realised that Will's name hadn't been far from any of his thoughts at all that evening.


	2. Chapter 2

"Can you even picture it?" Gabi asked as Will handed her the bottle of water. "I'm sorry, that was insensitive—"

"It's OK," Will laughed softly. "Can I picture me with a... a guy? I... maybe? Does that make sense? The idea has been there for a long time, and after... there was this one guy, one kiss. I mean, I blamed the drink but... And I guess that's when I stopped pushing the idea away, but I didn't want to think about it too much. Does that make sense?"

"A little," she smiled, "no wonder you've been so confused."

"And none of that has anything to do with you, you know that right?" he said. "Hurting you... It's the one thing I'm least proud of in this whole mess."

"It's OK, Will," she said, putting her hand over his, "I mean it was a shock but I don't blame you. Not now."

Will said nothing, just looked at her hand on his. The touch was familiar, the warmth equally so. But it wasn't the memory of all the times when she'd done it before that led to another kind of warmth spreading in his chest. If he wasn't so sure of himself, so certain that he was now being true to himself and who he was, then he could have easily put this down to an attraction with her, an affection... Maybe that's what it was. He had loved her in some ways. He had – he still cared for her deeply.

That was it.

It had to be.

###

Paul dropped into the seat next to Will and pulled his book down. "Studying isn't working, talk to me instead."

"What?"

"You've been staring at this one page for almost ten minutes now. Whenever Sonny does that I know he has something on his mind – you two are far too alike. Talk to me."

"It's nothing—"

"Will," Paul warned, his tone still friendly.

"It's just... I expected more, you know? When I came out."

"What, like a parade?" Paul quipped.

"No, it's just... It's a big thing, right? Coming out? And now life is just going on as normal—"

"And nothing has changed?" Paul finished. "You do realise that's how things are supposed to be, right? You being gay has absolutely no impact on how people live their lives and so you telling them this is like... like you're switching your majors at college. It's just information, nothing more. It's what it should be. Trust me, Will, this is good."

"Yeah, but people who would at least have a conversation in passing are now almost avoiding me. If they have a problem I wish they'd just be honest about it."

"Maybe it's not that," Paul countered. "Maybe they don't know how to talk to you about this. Or maybe they just don't know what to do. Do they say something and make it into a big deal? Do they just talk about other stuff and act like it doesn't matter, or will that be ignoring it and worse?"

"What happened with you?" Will asked. "I mean, aside from your mom."

"Pretty much that. Some of them talked to me about it, some didn't. And some just ended up drifting away from me and I don't know to this day if it was because they had a problem with me being gay or not. And it hurt, a lot of my former teammates, people I thought would always have my back turning away from me like that? Made me realise just how important it was what I was doing. The concept of a gay man playing baseball was... It was hard for a lot of people and the reactions that I got from others said more about them than it did about me and who I was.

"But the thing I learned from it? Those that are worth keeping will stick around and talk to you. Like Gabi."

"Gabi?" Will said in surprise. "How did you—?"

"I know everything that happens in this town," Paul laughed. "I have cameras everywhere."

"Creepy."

"Informative," he winked. "But seriously. She's in your corner, man."

"She's been great, so supportive. Not that you and Sonny haven't, but... I didn't expect it from her, you know? I thought for sure that she'd hate me."

"Hate is a really strong word, Will. Most people are usually just angry. Angry that you kept this from them, angry that they didn't know, angry because they feel like they've been lied to somehow…"

"Is that what it was like with your mom?"

"She was... disappointed I think more than anything else. Only child, grandchildren, family honour, legacy, that sort of thing."

"Yeah, but just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't have kids, right? I mean... there are options."

"Yeah, there are. And I think Sonny would make a great dad one day." 

Will looked at Paul for a moment before saying, "Doesn't he want kids?"

"It's... not a conversation we've had and how have you done this again?"

"What?"

"Turned the conversation from you to me? Sonny said you did that to him too."

"It's a gift," Will quipped in deflection. 

"How is Samantha these days?" Paul said, bringing the conversation back on topic.

"She's... calmer," Will decided on. "At least she's not ranting on about how she 'should have known' and how me being gay somehow makes her a bad mom. Dad's pretty cool about it. Well, to a point. I think he's still getting his head around it but he's making a big effort to be supportive."

"That's gotta help."

"Yeah, it does. Plus he's used to handling Mom when she gets like this, so there's that," he added with a laugh. "I just... I'm waiting for things to fall into place I guess. It's one thing to say that I'm gay, and I am, I know it, I just..."

"There's a difference between saying it and living it," Paul finished. "I know, I get it."

"I just... am I supposed to start dating? Find a boyfriend?"

"Only if you want to," Paul said. "There is no rule book for any of this, just as there isn't for straight couples. I'm sure you found that out when you were dating Gabi?"

"At least we knew who was supposed to pay," Will joked.

"You're telling me that Gabi let you pay for her every time you went out?" Paul said. When Will grinned and shook his head, he laughed. "Exactly. Dating is dating, Will, no matter who you're with. You don't need to do anything until you find someone that you want to spend time with, that you like spending time with. There's no requirement or clock on this. If you want to wait before dipping your toe into the dating pool, then wait. If you want to go to a bar some time then we can sneak you in and you can just hang out with no expectations and see what happens.

"You're a good guy, Will, and one day I think you're going to make someone very happy. And if they make you happy too then that's all I want for you. That's all anyone who cares about you will want."

"I just... I don't know what I'm doing and if I go in there and I'm just... useless, isn't that going to put guys off?"

Paul's face suddenly became serious. "OK, firstly any guy who doesn't respect the fact that you've just come out and you're new to all this? Not worth a second of your time and I'll want names. Secondly, if you're that worried about being... _inexperienced_ then don't. Despite the stereotypes we're not all bed-hopping, partner-swapping guys. And there's a lot of information out there if you want it."

"Yeah, I looked," Will said, flushing red and glancing away.

"See, this is what I didn't want to be involved in," Paul said, pulling his phone from his pocket and sending a quick text. "I told Sonny that I'd be crap at this conversation."

"What conversation? Told Sonny what?"

"The technical side of things," he said. "Look, it's weird and unsexy when you just talk about it or look at pictures, but with the right guy? It's..." He looked around to check who else was in the square, then leaned in conspiratorially. "It's fucking awesome," he whispered. "I really don't want you to be put off or freak out, but trust me. It's intimate and loving and it feels _amazing_."

"But I don't know what I—"

"And that's a conversation to have with your significant other at an appropriate time," Paul said quickly before looking up in relief. "Or with my wonderful husband who is way more understanding and knowledgeable and worldly in such things."

"I'm what?" Sonny asked.

"More understanding and knowledgeable about what we were talking about the other night."

"I can't believe you guys are talking about me," Will said, putting his head on top of the book sitting on the table.

"We do it 'cause we care," Sonny said, reaching out and gently stroking Will's hair.

"That, and we're an old, boring married couple who plan to live vicariously through you," Paul quipped.

"Well I hope you're prepared for a life of celibacy," Will muttered into his book.

"And that's my cue to leave," Paul said, pushing back his chair. "I'll go check on things at the coffee house, I will see you later." He kissed Sonny gently before walking off.

"I think my husband just implied I slept around before settling down," Sonny laughed as he sat down. "More worldly?"

"I don't care, I'm never having sex."

"Will—"

"It's weird and I'm going to be so bad at it—"

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do," he said, sitting up. "With Gabi I was—"

"Trying to be someone you're not," Sonny finished. "You cared about her, probably loved her in some ways, but not in the way you're supposed to love her. And, from what I hear, you were both trying to make your relationship work by sleeping together. And that never works."

"Is there anything about my life that's private and _not_ talked about among my friends?" Will groaned.

"No."

"I'm moving," Will said. "I'm moving to... California and I'm never coming back."

"Bit extreme, but if it's what you want then I will support you," Sonny laughed. He reached out and threaded his hand through Will's hair. "Look, if you want to talk to me about this then you can. If you don't then I won't be offended. If you want me to go then I'll go and after I've murdered my husband for making you feel like this we can have coffee and talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with your sexuality or sex or anything else you don't want."

"Thank you," Will said. "This is nice."

"Any time. I won't push you for anything you're not ready for."

"I meant the hair thing. It's nice."

Sonny laughed and pulled gently on his hair. "You're going to be fine. You don't need to know it all now, I certainly didn't. There is no timeline for any of this."

Will sat up and looked at Sonny. "I feel like I have... _no_ idea of what's going to happen next."

"I know, and that's scary. But it won't last, I promise. You will always have someone to talk to about this, no matter the question."

"Even if...?"

"Even if it's personal and graphic and thoroughly embarrassing. Because unlike my husband I am determined to make sure you have someone to turn to."

"Thank you. Not sure I'll take you up on your offer," Will mumbled, "not sure I want to talk to... _anyone_ about this."

"That's fine too. But if the guy you're with doesn't respect that, talk to you about it, help you through it? Then you get out of there. Call me and I will come get you. Because that's not a guy you want to be with. Promise me that."

"I can't imagine that... being with someone? But yeah. If it happens... I'll let you know."

"If it helps, my first time? Complete disaster." Sonny grinned, curling his mouth up at one corner. "I had no clue, he had no clue, we were useless. Maybe one day I'll tell you about it, make you feel better about things."

"Might hold you to that," Will laughed. "So what did your well-meaning husband tell you about me?"

"That I had to come and give 'The Talk' to our..."

"Your what?" Will prompted when Sonny trailed off.

"Doesn't matter," Sonny said. "He was just being an idiot."

"I don't know what I'd do without you. Both of you."

"Well you have me. Us," Sonny corrected. "And I promise you, Will, you're going to be fine. One day you're going to meet someone and he will be everything that you deserve."

"Maybe," Will said with a wry smile.

"Time was I couldn't imagine a world where I'd have what I have now," Sonny said. "It seemed like... getting married was something that happened to other people. Straight people mostly. And then I met Paul, literally out of nowhere. And we hit it off, we had fun together, and by the time he finally came out and we were able to go public with our year-long relationship some people were saying that we had what other couples have. That we could have that happy ending."

"Sounds romantic," Will deadpanned.

"Shut up," Sonny laughed. "I don't care what anyone says, my proposal was romantic. I asked the man I love to marry me and he said yes. Who needs flowers and wine and soft candles when you have that? And one day you're going to know what that's like."

"I can't imagine that."

"Yeah, and you couldn't imagine coming out once upon a time. Now look at you."

"Yeah, look at me. Imposing on my two best friends and making one of them embarrassed to even talk to me because I'm so clueless."

"We all need someone to talk to," Sonny said. "I'm just glad that I can be that someone. Nothing worse than going through this on your own. I don't want you to feel like you're on your own, Will."

"I don't," Will smiled, "that's the one thing in all of this... I don't feel alone."

"Good," Sonny smiled.

###

As he walked into Common Grounds he spotted Sonny and Paul standing behind the counter. They seemed lost in their own conversation, all smiles and gentle shoulder shoves. Suddenly Paul's gaze flickered over to the door and landed on him. Giving Will a smile Paul held up a single finger, then kissed Sonny's cheek before coming over to meet him.

"I need your help," Paul said, putting his hands on Will's shoulders and ushering him out of the door.

"I wanted coffee," Will protested. "I need coffee."

"You can get coffee where we're going."

"Are you actually directing me to the competition?"

"Sonny insisted on giving you that free coffee for life card, it's not as if you actually pay full price when you do insist on paying, so shut up and help me win the Husband Of The Year award."

"Is that a real thing?"

"...Shut up," Paul laughed.

"What's going on?"

"Sonny's birthday."

"What?"

"It's his birthday next week and I've found the perfect gift."

"So where do I feature in this?"

"Because I need someone to hide it. We live in a shoebox, Will, and he always finds gifts I try and hide."

"There are some pretty strict rules over what I can and can't have in my room, you know that, right?"

"Don't worry, I did Google the Salem U dorm regulations before planning this. You're safe."

"Somehow I'm not reassured," Will laughed as his phone vibrated in his pocket. Shrugging himself free of Paul but following him all the same, he pulled his phone out and read the text message.

_Did my husband just kidnap you? S_

_Yes_ , Will typed back. _I came in for coffee and I was abducted._

_Have him back by three. I have suppliers to meet._

"He says you need to be back by three," Will said, locking his phone and putting it away. "He also doesn't care that you removed me from the premises as soon as I walked in. Must have looked suspicious."

"That's love and trust, my dear William," Paul grinned. "Love and trust."

"So what am I hiding for you?"

"Something that couldn't be better than if it had been made for him," Paul grinned. "Patience young grasshopper."

Will groaned softly and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

###

_So am I allowed to know what happened today? Paul was VERY secretive when he came back._

Will kept looking from his phone to the oversized tube that was propped up in the corner of his room. _Secret men's business_ , he eventually texted back. _Patience._

_That's code for birthday stuff. Fine. I can wait. But I won't forget your involvement, Horton. You're supposed to be my friend._

_I'm his too, remember?_ Will replied. 

_Will I at least like it?_

_You'll love it. Promise._

_Thank you. You're the best._

Will put his phone away before lying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't feel like the best. He felt the exact opposite and had done all afternoon. In the end he put it down to that he was faced with lying (by omission) to one of his closest friends for the next week, would have to make sure that nothing happened to the gift between now and the big day, and the fact that he didn't get his coffee after all.


	3. Chapter 3

When Will looked up from his books he realised that he was the only one left in the coffee house. "Do you want me to go?" he asked.

"Given I've managed to clear up around you and you barely even flinched? I think you're good," Sonny laughed. "I'm not going anywhere for at least another hour so don't worry."

"Thanks. I just... there was no way I could have studied back at the dorms."

"Anytime. At least one of us should be productive tonight."

"Sounds ominous."

"No, just my husband deciding that tonight has to be the night he needs to 'see friends', which I know is code for arranging a birthday party that he knows I don't want, leaving me with the books which he normally does in his own specific way so I have _no_ clue what half this stuff means."

"Let me have a look," Will said, getting out of his seat and stretching gently. "How long was I sitting there?"

"A good few hours," Sonny said, spinning the book around so Will could see it. "You OK?"

"Better after another coffee?" Will said. "I just... is this even English?"

"He speaks four languages, maybe not. All I want is to work out is if everything balances."

"So long as you know I'm not exactly top of my class in Econ 101."

"At least you're taking it," Sonny laughed.

"I don't know how you manage it. Classes, this place, a relationship. You spend time with your friends, family, you run a business... I barely manage to keep my head above water with all my classes."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Put yourself down like that."

"Yeah, well... When I'm hanging around with you it's hard not to see the gaps."

"What gaps? Will... you can't compare yourself to me, to anyone. You are who _you_ are and it doesn't matter who's done what."

"I bet you don't regret it though. All the things you've done, the things you've seen. travelling the world, climbing K2, landing yourself an All Star player..."

"Of course I don't. But that doesn't make me better than you, or anyone."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew what my life was like. It's amazing. You're amazing."

"Will—"

"Doesn't matter," he dismissed, turning the book back around. "Looks good, aside from fifty bucks missing from the float. Now I'm not saying you have a thief, but I will say that Paul did have fifty bucks in his wallet when he... kidnapped me."

"I'm going to kill him," Sonny muttered. "In a nice way, of course."

"Of course," Will grinned.

"See, how can you sit there and tell me that you're not amazing? I would have been here for hours, Will. _Hours_."

"I doubt that."

"No, I mean it. Right, come on. Pack up, I'm buying you dinner."

"What? No, Sonny, you—"

"You have barely eaten the whole time you've been here, and not only did you spend all that time hunched over your books, you just saved me a massive headache in not only figuring this out, but then tearing this place apart looking for the missing money. So, no arguments, I'm buying you some proper food."

"I—"

"The next words out of your mouth had better be 'thank you, Sonny' or variations thereupon, do you understand?"

Will held Sonny's gaze for a moment. It took him a few seconds to realise that he was serious, but then there was something else that caught his attention. A warmth, a smile not on his lips, a sensation that things might actually be OK.

"Thank you, Sonny," Will said, giving in to... whatever this was.

###

To his credit, Paul's idea of a party was just a few close friends and family, something even Sonny couldn't argue against. Will stuck to the walls, watching Justin and Adrienne shower their son with attention and a gift that earned them earnest hugs and heartfelt thanks in return. There were all manner of gifts on the table, envelopes to boxes, but the one from Paul was propped up against them all.

Will watched as Paul handed it over, he watched the excitement bubble on Paul's face as Sonny removed one end of the tube and started to unroll the large print that was within.

He knew what it was. He'd seen it and understood why Paul was drawn to it, why he wanted to get it for Sonny. It was perfect for him, for them, with space for customisable frames and annotations. As Paul and Brian held each end of it for those gathered around Sonny to see, Will could see the image as clearly as if he were standing next to them.

The traveller's guide to the world. The continents, personalised for your journey. Criss-crossed with lines and photos and printed words that Paul had given them for every place Sonny had been and every place that Paul had been. And then the lines merged, Sonny's red with Paul's blue, and the combined purple line moved where they had been and brought them all the way back to Salem.

A photo of some random European village.

A young Japanese boy visiting his heritage.

The top of K2.

The mound of a baseball pitch.

A post-wedding picture, taken by waterfront in San Francisco, just after the ceremony.

Their honeymoon in Australia.

So many places, so many memories, something so perfect for Sonny.

The print was lowered just in time for Will to see Sonny turn to Paul, hold his face in his hands and kiss him gently, lovingly. Adrienne put her hand over her heart and leaned back against Justin, her face alight with pride and happiness. Paul, grinning from ear to ear into the kiss as his hands held Sonny's waist.

Brian, cat-calling them to get a room. Their friends laughing and admiring the perfect gift.

Will, putting down his drink and heading outside, suddenly overwhelmed with the sensation that he was going to be sick.

He leaned against the wall for a second before doubling over, putting his hands on his knees. His breath came in short gasps and his stomach turned over.

"Hey, you OK?"

Sonny's voice cut right through him and he looked up. "Just... needed some air," he managed to say.

"You look like you're about to throw up."

"No, I'm fine, I—"

"No, you're not," Sonny said, reaching out and taking his arm. "Will, you're as white as a sheet."

"Really, I'm fine. Just... up late last night, that's all."

"Will—"

"I'm fine, really. You should get back in there, don't want to miss your party."

"I'd rather see that you're OK first," Sonny said. "Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"Just some fresh air, a walk, that's all."

"Want me to—"

"Get back in there," Will managed to say with a half laugh. "Go on. I know how much effort Paul has put into this."

"Yeah," Sonny said, glancing back over to the door and then back at Will. "But you—"

"Please. Just... I'll be fine. I'll take a walk to the Square, see how I feel. I'll be back before you have a chance to miss me."

"Doubt that," Sonny grinned, helping Will to stand upright. "I'd notice."

"Then go check out all the detail on your new map, that'll keep you busy. He's really proud of that."

"Yeah, it's... it's great," Sonny said. "I'm not happy about letting you go, Will, what if—"

"If I'm not back in fifteen minutes you can send out a search party, OK?" Will said. "Please. Go back into the party, have fun, let me get some air and shake this off and I'll come back and be in a better frame of mind to celebrate. Promise."

"You'd better," Sonny grinned.

Will struggled to maintain his composure as he felt his stomach turn over again. He just smiled weakly, nodded, and turned to walk away. It was only when he'd made it around the corner, out of sight, that he allowed himself to sink to the ground. Hugging his knees close to his chest he finally allowed himself to think what he'd known for weeks.

_I've got a stupid crush on my married best friend._

###

"So I hear our baby gay is stepping out," Paul said, leaning against the counter.

"What?" Sonny replied. "And I've told you not to call him that."

"Had his first date last night," Paul continued, ignoring his husband's complaint. "Went well from what I hear."

"You hear a name in the middle of all this gossip?"

"It's not gossip when you hear it from the other party on said date" Paul grinned.

"Wait, we know him?"

Paul nodded. "Brian."

"Br—pre-med Brian?"

"The very same." 

"But... I mean, Brian's a nice guy, sure, but him and Will? I don't see it."

"Brian said they had a great time, talked about music and films—"

"I just never imagined them together, that's all."

"It's not like he needs to marry the first man he dates, Son. He's finding himself, finding out the kind of man he wants to be with. Ask me, I think Brian is a perfect first date. He's not going to push Will into anything he's not ready for. He knows the deal, same as us. He knows Will needs time and space and support. I reckon he's going to be good for Will."

"You make it sound like Brian is a set of training wheels," Paul quipped.

"Isn't he though? When you date someone just out you know they're going to ask you all the questions. You're their first, and that's a big deal. Not that you, Mr-come-out-same-time-as-my-first-boyfriend would get that."

"Unfair."

"Sorry. But you know I had so many questions for my first it was a wonder I didn't drive him insane. And that was before I even started _thinking_ about sex."

"When do you _not_ think about sex?" Sonny quipped.

"Rude! But I owe you a comment so I will be gracious and let it slide."

"So gracious," Sonny deadpanned. "But no, you're right. Will needs someone who can answer his questions, be patient with him."

"It doesn't always have to be some great love, you know," Paul said, moving away to unlock the door. "I mean, look at us. Hardly fireworks from the off."

"Maybe."

"Doesn't matter if this thing with Brian lasts three dates, three weeks, three years. From what Brian said Will seems happy, isn't that the main thing?"

"I guess."

"Son, he'll be fine. I know you're protective of him and I get why. You knew first, you watched and waited and supported him. But we gotta let our baby – boy," he corrected quickly, "take his first nervous steps out into the world of dating men and kissing me and most likely sleeping with them too. And on day maybe he'll fall in love with someone who makes him happy. Like you."

"What?" Sonny asked, his head snapping up as Paul pulled the door open to let the warm June morning in.

"You make me happy," Paul said with a small shrug.

###

Paul was spot-on with his three dates comment; Will and Brian decided that friends suited them better and called it a day. Sonny took a little comfort in the fact that Will had started coming into the coffee house on a more regular basis. The first time he'd ordered his drink to go, but he'd stayed and talked for so long that he'd finished a second drink.

After that he'd always stayed in, sitting at the counter and chatting about music and films and school and current events and everything in between while the morning rush moved around them.

"Can I ask a favour?" Will said one morning as the rush died away. "It's kinda huge."

"Always," Sonny replied.

"I... um... have a date tonight."

"I thought you and Brian were staying friends?"

"We are. It's not Brian. It's Sean. He's on my course, nice guy. Anyway, I have no idea where to go and I was thinking coffee is a good first date, right? No pressure or expectation. And that way I can maybe get your approval? I know you're working tonight and I thought if we came here—"

"Who says I'll approve?" Sonny laughed. "I set high standards."

"Then explain Paul," Will quipped.

"Touché."

"No, but I'm a bit nervous about this."

"Why?"

"Because I asked him out. I know it sounds daft, but I knew Brian wanted to go out with me, otherwise why ask me in the first place?"

"But Sean said yes, so you do know," Sonny pointed out.

"Only after he asked me why I asked him, quizzed me about Brian... I don't know, it felt weird."

"It is weird," Sonny said. "What's it to do with him?"

"Another reason for here. If it goes wrong or he's weird—"

"I shall be there to save you," Sonny saluted. "Are you sure—?"

"Yeah, I am," Will finished. "He said it was because everyone knows I've just come out. Thanks to my stupid alibi—"

"How is proving you had nothing to do with what happened to Stefano stupid?"

"Because I went from controlling who knew what about me to literally coming out in the local paper."

"And Sean has an issue with that?"

"I just don't want the guys I date to think I'm just... using them as my... Gay Google or something."

"Gay Google?" Sonny laughed.

"Don't! That is not fair. You know all this stuff, I have... no clue."

"I didn't once. I asked questions too, of course I did. Anyone who is worth your time won't mind answering, and they will support you."

"Thanks."

"And you can always ask me. Anything, anytime. I mean that. It doesn't matter what... Seriously, Will. Ask me. Anything. No judgements, no comments, no matter what."

Will looked at him for a long moment before saying, "Yeah, I'm not even thinking about _that_. Yet anyway."

"It's fine, no pressure."

"Can we just... not?" Will said, squirming a little.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you our out or embarrass you."

"You didn't—it's not—I'm—I mean... You're my best friend, OK? The idea of you... knowing... It's weird. Too weird."

"Fair enough," Sonny laughed, "but all the same, I want you to know you can ask. If you want. And ask me anything, whether you think it's weird or not." When Will groaned and put his head on the counter, Sonny reached out. "If it makes you feel better I can tell you the story of my first time?" He carded his fingers through Will's hair without even thinking about it. "Utter disaster. Neither of us knew what we were doing beyond textbook instructions, arguing over who did what... It was a miracle we managed to both come in the end."

"Rude," Will muttered into the counter. "But that's nice."

"What? My mortification?"

"No. The hair."

Sonny realised what he'd been doing and pulled his hand back sharply. "Sorry."

"I just said it was nice," Will said, sitting up, "and your instinct is to apologise?"

"No, it's just... I reek of coffee and now it's all up in your hair. Not good for a date."

"I had planned on showering beforehand," Will laughed, "and you know how much I love the smell of coffee."

"Still. Sorry."

"Right. Much as I would love to stay here and chat, I have big brother duties to attend to before my big date. See you later?"

"Got your back, man," Sonny replied.

When Will had gone Sonny looked down at his hand as if it had somehow betrayed him.

###

Paul put his book down and allowed himself a moment to drag his gaze up Sonny's body. When his husband caught him looking he couldn't help but smile.

"What?" Sonny asked.

"Nothing. Just... you look good."

"Don't I always?"

"Well, yes," Paul said, putting the book to one side and moving to crawl along the bed, "and I always appreciate it."

"I appreciate you appreciating me," Sonny grinned, moving to the end of the bed so he could hold Paul's face in his hands. "Feel free to keep looking."

"I plan on doing a lot more than looking," Paul said as he reached out, grabbing Sonny's ass and pulling him down onto the bed. "You can be late."

"No, I can't," Sonny said. "I'm closing up. Late shift means solo shift."

"Close early."

"I can't." Sonny tried to push himself up and free of Paul's hands, but laughed when he failed. "Are you ever going to grow up?"

"What? Be some boring grown up with a husband and a business? Who wants that when they can stay here and make out with the hottest gay guy in all of Salem?"

"You'll thank me when the business doesn't fold due to lost custom."

"One night is not going to hurt our bottom line. And you know how _fond_ I am of your... bottom line," Paul grinned.

"Not half as much as I like yours," Sonny replied, kissing him. Once Paul was fully distracted by the kiss Sonny took his hands and interlocked their fingers. Sonny pinned Paul's hands to the bed, moving so he was straddling his hips, and then sat up, revelling in his newfound position of power. "Now, what to do with you?" he mused.

"I have a few ideas," Paul said, looking up through slitted eyes.

"So do I. And maybe, after work, I'll put a few into practice."

With that he got up and Paul actually whined in protest. "It's not fair. You can't expect me to behave myself when you're looking like that. What's with the sinfully painted on jeans anyway?"

"All that was clean," Sonny lied, "and besides, if I have to work late while my lay-about husband catches up on his bedtime reading, I want to wear something that makes me feel good."

"Makes you look good too."

"Then I will enjoy you being here, thinking about me in these jeans," Sonny grinned as he picked up his jacket and keys.

"I could come with you, keep you company?" Paul suggested.

"Really? And have you trying to sneak off to the stock room every ten minutes? Not happening. Especially when you need to sort out the security quotes."

"I hate that you're the sensible one now," Paul muttered. "Think I preferred you when you were all carefree and happy to spend entire days in bed."

"And then you went and married me."

"Married life should not be boring."

"This is not boring," Sonny said, "this is life, Paul."

"Yeah, well, I imagined something different for my life," Paul said, flopping back onto the bed as Sonny left. 

###

Without prompting Sonny brought over another coffee and placed it in front of Will. "You OK?"

"Let's see. We agreed to meet here at seven, it's now almost... half eight," he said, checking his phone (which still showed no messages or missed calls). "So yeah, I'm just fine. Love being stood up."

"You don't know what happened."

"I have a good idea," Will sighed. "Who wants to date the loser... baby gay who is utterly clueless about everything?"

"Hey, enough," Sonny said, sitting across the table from him. "You are not a loser, and you are certainly not clueless. You knew what you wanted and you went for it."

"I just... didn't want to be this... guy who comes out and then does nothing."

"What do you mean by nothing?"

"I have no idea who I am, Sonny. I mean, I know I'm gay but... I don't know what I want or what to even look for in a relationship. The thing with Mia was... nothing. And one time being with Gabi was just enough to know that wasn't... it wasn't... I never knew there were so many... roles and rules and—"

"OK, I'm actually going to ban you from Google," Sonny said.

"I don't want to be stupid and clueless and asking... questions all the time. It would kill the mood."

"It shouldn't," Sonny pointed out.

"What? Asking a guy if he's a top or bottom and what prep has been done? Real sexy."

"You need to get away from this idea that sex is... it's not like in the movies. There _should_ be talking and questions and communication."

"Really?"

"Really. Even after all this time with Paul we still ask, we still figure out what we want and what the other wants. We have a shorthand, sure, but that comes with time."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It's not, it's hard work, but it's worth it. When you find the right person... it's all worth it. All the awkward conversations and the times you got it so wrong. Trust me. We had... oh god, so many moments."

"Isn't it supposed to be easy though? When you meet the one?"

"Will Horton, you're sounding like a romance novel!"

"They had to get the idea from somewhere though, right?"

"Maybe," Sonny said, "I'll let you know if I ever get there."

"Oh don't say that, you're supposed to be my expert on all things gay."

"And I am. But this is a little bigger than tops and bottoms and prep." Sonny tilted his head to one side and gave a soft smile. His aim had been to diffuse any tension or awkwardness that may have been building, but it was only after the smile settled that he realised there was none of that. But still the smile remained.

"When did you know what you liked? How did you know?" Will asked before he could stop himself, then flushed with embarrassment and looked down at his coffee mug. "Sorry, that was—"

"It's OK. I did say you could ask me anything. And... I found out what I liked by trying things out. It took time, it was... embarrassing in places, but it's the only way you figure it out. It's how you figure out anything in this life."

"Can I just skip to the point where I know it all and I don't feel like this?"

"It will pass, I promise," Sonny said, reaching out across the table. His hand rested on Will's arm for a moment. "I promise."

"Can we talk about something else, please? Anything?"

"OK, do you have plans for the Fourth? There's that music festival—"

"Yeah, I saw the line up. It looks _amazing_. All the tickets will have sold out by now though."

"Maybe. Maybe I can score us a couple?"

"Really? That would be _fantastic_."

"Give me someone to go with who will actually want to be there. Paul's... not that much of a festival fan. Well, unless it's food in which case I have to drag him away."

"See, that I can understand," Will laughed. "Nothing beats good food."

"Except good music."

"Well... maybe."

"I am changing my opinion of you," Sonny laughed.

"What? Like you had a good impression of me in the first place?"

"Yes I did I'll have you know," Sonny said. "I still do."

"Don't know why."

"Because you're a good person, that's why. Because you have been through so much these last few months and you're still standing. I know your parents took a little getting used to everything but you didn't let that get to you. I know so many guys – and girls – that after coming out to unsporting parents let it change who they are, they would... close off, act out. You didn't do any of that."

"Thought about it."

"Of course you did. But you're only human."

"What does that make you?" Will said with a soft laugh.

"Hey, just because I didn't have the same experiences as you doesn't mean I don't get it."

"No, I didn't mean to suggest you didn't... I just... I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Will said, reaching out quickly to Sonny. He did it so fast that he knocked the mug of coffee, sending it tumbling to the floor where it shattered with a crash. "Shit, I—"

"It's OK, it's OK. It's a just a mug."

"Let me help clear it up, least I can do."

"No, Will, just—"

"I want to be useful. I want to mean something and not just been this... passenger who has stuff done for him. I need to be able to do something."

Knowing this was about more than the mug, Sonny nodded. He got up and collected cloths and a brush and he let Will busy himself with fixing something he could actually fix.


	4. Chapter 4

The few customers that came and went across the night weren't much of a distraction from a conversation that moved from topic to topic with seamless ease. Before too long Sonny was turning the sign around and clicking the lock shut.

"Want a hand clearing up?" Will offered.

"No, it's fine," Sonny said, moving back around the counter and stripping himself of the apron.

"Really, it's no trouble. Drank that much coffee I don't think I'm going to go to bed any time soon."

"I appreciate the offer, but it's fine. There's really not much to do it's been that quiet."

"Thanks. For tonight I mean. I... had fun," Will laughed. "Who would have thought that being stood up would actually end up in, well, the best date I've had in a while."

"A date?" Sonny questioned, his eyebrows raising as a grin spread across his face. "Don't let my husband hear you call it that."

"I would be so lucky as to date someone as gorgeous as you." When Sonny shook his head in dismissal, Will smiled. "No, seriously. You're... gorgeous. And you know it so don't even pretend that you don't look it."

"But wouldn't it be egotistical of me to agree?"

"No one here but us," Will pointed out. "No one is going to know what we get up to."

"Now this really is sounding like a conversation my husband shouldn't be made aware of," Sonny teased. He leant forward onto the counter, resting his head on his hands.

Will's gaze fell onto the ring on Sonny's hand, and he couldn't mistake the rush of emotion that came with it. "I should get going then. Thanks for tonight."

"I'd say anytime, but being stood up isn't nice."

"Doesn't matter," Will said, "maybe now isn't the time for me to be dating. I should... take some time for me. There's no rush, right?"

"Right," said Sonny.

"Thanks."

"You said that already," Sonny laughed.

"Did I? Right. Well. Yeah. I meant it. Mean it. I should... This is why I shouldn't drink coffee late at night," he joked, but he knew his thundering heart had nothing to do with the coffee. "I'll, um, I'll see you around."

He pulled at the door, only remembering the lock when it wouldn't move. Clicking it open he left without even looking back because he didn't trust himself not to have his emotions written all over his face.

###

Will didn't look up when someone sat across from him in the library but when the takeaway coffee cup was put beside his books he did.

"I heard you'd been in here all day," Gabi said, "and I know you won't have had a thing to eat so when you're done with that we're going for food. Real food. On a plate."

"Thanks," Will said, picking up the cup and taking a sip. "This is my coffee order."

"I told Sonny to make something you'd like," she smiled. "He asked after you. Again," she added pointedly. "How long is it since you've talked to him?"

"Don't know," Will lied, knowing each and every one of those twelve days pointedly. "I've just been so busy recently. What with... everything I've fallen behind."

"Only you could refer to the last few months as 'everything'," Gabi laughed softly. "Are you OK?"

"I'll be fine if I can just get through all these history books," he sighed.

"Want my notes?"

"No, it's fine. But thank you."

"You can't shut yourself away, Will," Gabi said softly. "People are starting to ask."

"Well let them," Will snapped. "Sorry."

"I'm worried about you. I'm still allowed to do that, aren't I?"

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry."

"Then leave the books, come outside and enjoy the summer. Have lunch with me before it gets so late we have to call it dinner."

"Gabi—"

"I will give you my notes, I will help you with your assignment, anything that gets you outside."

"You're not going to let up, are you?" he smiled.

"No," she grinned, "so how about you save us both the time and effort and just give in now."

"Fine," Will sighed. "But only for half an hour."

"That'll do for a start," Gabi grinned.

###

She linked arms with him as they walked through the campus, watching his face as they walked. "It's more than the assignment, isn't it?" she said eventually.

"It's nothing, it doesn't matter," he said. "It's... I'll be fine."

"I know you too well, Will. You can talk to me, you know that."

"I know," he said, putting a hand on her arm. "There really is nothing to talk about though."

"Will—" She cut herself short and stopped suddenly. "You've met someone, haven't you?"

"What?" Will said, startled with the sudden halt.

"You've met someone, haven't you? That's why you're so distracted."

"I'm distracted by work!"

"You've got that look, the one you had when you were dating Brian."

"There's a look?"

"Yeah. A look. And you've got it. What's his name?"

"I..." He sighed and glanced around them. "It really doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

"Because he's not interested in me."

"You don't know that," Gabi said. "Give him a chance, there's plenty to like about you."

"Yeah, and there's plenty to like about his... his boyfriend," he finished with a sigh. "Because apparently I am my mother and fall for guys I shouldn't."

"Ah. Sorry. And you are not your mother. I fell for you, couldn't have you, it happens, Will. And sometimes those relationships don't work out? Maybe there's still a chance?"

"It doesn't matter. He is very much out of my league."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Put yourself down like this," Gabi said. "There is someone out there for you, I know it. I know you will be happy one day and you and your wonderful husband will have the life that you deserve."

"Husband," Will breathed. "Can't imagine that."

"Sonny couldn't either you know."

"What? He said that?"

"No, Paul did," she explained. "He was surprised when Sonny proposed. Happy, of course, but surprised. Said he did it on a whim, spur of the moment thing. Guess it all worked out for them though, look at the life they have. I mean, I know Paul's not playing any more but all the things they did, places they went? To have that kind of money and freedom to just... travel? I'd love that."

"Yeah, me too," Will said, hopeful that he wasn't being too obvious.

"Anyway, look at them now. That'll be you one day, I know it."

"I wish I had your faith."

"Then I will have enough for both of us."

"Please don't say any of this to anyone, Gabi," he said. "I mean it. Not a word to _anyone_. I don't want to... be the object of anyone's pity or focus. There's been far too much of that around with everything that has gone on with Stefano and my family's drama... I could do without adding to all of that."

"Your friends just care about you."

"I'd rather that than their pity, and that is exactly what is going to happen if this gets out. So no one knows, Gabi. No one."

"You have my word. Not a word to anyone."

"Thank you. You're a better friend than I deserve."

"I am," she smiled, "so you can buy me lunch as a way of starting to make it up to me."

Will laughed and linked arms with her again.

###

Paul opened the door and dropped his bag by the door. "Hello," he greeted.

"Goodbye," Sonny quipped, pulling on his jacket. "I need to get to the coffee house."

"Now?"

"Yeah, some drama with the delivery."

"At this hour?"

"It's only just come to light," Sonny said, "if I don't sort it out now they won't be able to send replacements tomorrow."

"Fine," Paul sighed, moving out of the way of the door.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, don't do that. You always do that."

"Do what?"

"Pretend there's nothing wrong when there is."

"It doesn't matter."

"Paul—"

"When was the last time we spent any time together?"

"This morning," Sonny said.

"We opened up the coffee house together, that doesn't count," he replied. "You were up and out to the gym before I got up this morning and you were asleep, or at least pretending to be, when I got home last night."

"Pre—what are you saying?"

"When were we last alone together?" Paul challenged. "Properly alone. Not working or just... doing things."

"Doing things?" Sonny said with a half laugh. "Paul, what do you want?"

"I want to spend time with my husband. I want... to have dinner with him, someplace nice, here, I don't care. I want it to be just us without calls from work or family or friends. When was the last time we... went on a date?"

"What?"

"When was it, Sonny? When did we last... when was it last just us?"

"Things are really busy at the moment, Paul, you know that."

"We were busy before. Getting the coffee house up and running was more stressful and busy than this and we still went to bed at least three times a week."

"You're keeping count."

"Don't make it sound like a bad thing that I've noticed we're not having sex, Sonny," Paul snapped. When Sonny's gaze flickered to the open door Paul reached behind him, pushing it shut with a slam. "We haven't been near each other in weeks and you make this about score charts than our marriage."

"Well what is it about?"

"Us. It's about us, Sonny. It's about the fact that we are barely living together, never mind in a relationship. Christ, I've spent more time with roommates than I have with you recently. This feels like it did before I came out; we don't exist outside of this apartment."

"There's—"

"I swear if you say that things are busy—"

"So what if they are, Paul? Every couple goes through this! Every relationship has its ups and downs, we can't just be... fucking like newlyweds the whole time."

"No, only since we came to Salem."

"What?"

"We came here because you wanted to put down roots, you wanted to settle down."

"So?"

"So it's not working. We were happy before, Son. We went where we wanted, did what we wanted. We could have that again."

"Paul—"

"I mean it. The business is doing well, we could get someone in to manage the place and we could get back out there, tick some more places off our list. You always wanted to do South America, why not now? They're in the middle of the dry season, we could... sail down the Amazon in a canoe or hike through the forest or go back to Machu Picchu. I don't care if we are on or off the beaten track, let's just... go."

"You think that's what we need?"

"Well this isn't working."

"Based on what? A few weeks? Paul, we can't just pack up and go when things get a bit hard, we'll never stand still."

"I don't see a problem."

"And that's a problem," Sonny retorted. "Paul, this is real life. This is what marriage is like. It's not just all about the passion and the excitement."

"I know that, but there should be... something, shouldn't there?"

"What?"

"If we love each other, if we are—"

"If?" Sonny interrupted. "What do you mean, 'if'?"

"That's what you pick up on?" Paul snapped. "If we love each other, and if the answer is yes, then shouldn't things be different? Now? We should still want each other, still... stand to be in the same room as each other."

"We are right now!"

"And look at us!" Paul yelled. "Look at us! This was not what I signed up for."

"What did you sign up for?" Sonny snapped. "The adventure? The travels? The ticker tape parade that came with being out? What happened to life being an adventure, Paul? What happened to us trying to make this life our life? The adventure of making a home, a life. Building a business from the ground up. Getting the 'Cheating Heart' from my parents, we took that as a sign that this was our next big thing. We found each other, you came out, we got married, this was the next thing. The next big thing and it's... not enough for you, is it?"

"I want it to be," Paul replied, his voice a little calmer. "It could be if I felt like you were here with me."

"I am," Sonny said, reaching out for him.

"Before you run out to work?"

"I... I'm not making it up," Sonny said. "One of the bags of coffee was opened tonight to stock up and the beans look like they're mouldy. Come with me, let's... do this together," he said softly, holding out his hand.

"Do we get to fool around in the back?" Paul said.

Sonny laughed softly. "Maybe."

"Maybe," Paul repeated sadly.

"Don't," Sonny said. "I just... Tomorrow night."

"What?"

"I'm taking you out. A date. Tomorrow night. Right after we fool around in the back room at the coffee house. So shut up, get your coat, and come on."

###

"Someone looks happy," Adrienne said as Paul kissed her cheek in greeting. "I'm sure I don't want to know why though."

"Probably wise," he grinned, taking the seat across from her and pulling the waiting cup of coffee towards him. "Thanks for ordering this. Always feel like I'm cheating when I order coffee somewhere else."

"We could have met at Common Grounds."

"Sometimes it's good to... get out of the house, so to speak."

"Everything is OK between you two?" she asked. "It's just... ever since Sonny's birthday party... I worry, that's all."

"Worry about what?"

"That you two are happy, that things are good between you both."

"And you don't think they are?"

"I didn't say that, don't do that," she said. "Don't make me out to be looking for the worst. It's just... you two are really good together and I want to protect that. I want to protect my boys."

"Your boys," Paul repeated, ducking his head as he grinned. "Wow."

"Yes, OK, my boys," she said. "You two are good together, anyone can see that. And I know how much you love Sonny, I do. That's all a mother wants for her baby, to see him happy and loved and with the person he's supposed to be with for the rest of his life."

"And you really think that's me?"

"What, you don't?" she quipped. Then she saw the look on his face. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm being... It's nothing."

"No," she said firmly, "it's not."

"Adrienne—"

"I saw him at the birthday party. Your gift was... perfect. Personal, touching, and—"

"And didn't get the reaction it should have?" Paul finished. "You noticed that too?"

"Kinda hard not to when you know him as well as we do."

"I've just been telling myself that maybe it wasn't the perfect gift that I thought it was, that the party was overwhelming, that it could be a million things—"

"A million things except the one thing you're thinking," Adrienne said.

"Am I overreacting?"

"I don't know. If it's just the present—"

"It's not," Paul admitted. "It's... so many things. So many little things and some big things and I don't know what is going on in his head anymore. Time was I would look at him and I would know what he was thinking, be able to... not second guess him, but make plans and do things without him having to tell me. I know him, Adrienne. I know him... so well."

"And you know something is wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking to you about this—"

"Hey, you can talk to me about _anything_ , OK?" she said, reaching out to him. "We are family now."

"He's your son—"

"And so are you," she said.

"Maybe this is just... one of those things. No marriage is perfect, right? Ups and downs?"

"That is true."

"Sonny said we couldn't spend forever in the honeymoon phase."

"Also true. And that smile you had when you came in wasn't just for my benefit."

"No, we..." He grinned and shook his head. "Who knew sorting out stock could be fun?"

"Anything can be fun if you put the effort in," she said, "and that's what marriage is. It's hard work and it's effort and it's having the ups and the downs. But I promise you, Paul, that it is worth it. What you get out? It's so much more."

" I just... I didn't expect it to be this hard, this early on."

"I wish I could tell you that it gets easier the more years you get under your belt," she smiled, "but what you do get is better at seeing the problems before they become problems, better at talking about them, better at... well, just better."

"I hope so."

"Is there anything I can help with?" Adrienne asked. "I don't want to interfere—" She was cut off by a look from Paul and laughed softly. "I'll ignore that," she said. "What I'm really asking is—"

"Is how big this is," Paul finished. "He's not having an affair, or anything like that. And yes, we still love each other. We're just... living different lives at the moment. We never seem to have time for each other and I just... feel like I'm losing him."

"Does he know that?"

"We had... a bit of a talk about it today, and he's said all the right things—"

"But you don't believe him?"

"I want to, I really do," Paul said. "We, um, we have a date tonight."

"Well that's good," Adrienne smiled. "So what's the problem?"

"I don't know if he agreed to the date because he wants to fix this or because he wants to... shut me up."

"OK, let me tell you something," she said. "When you two turned up and announced you'd gotten married I was... less than welcoming."

"Just a bit," Paul quipped.

"But Sonny didn't give me an inch. He made it very clear that he loved you, that this was what he wanted, and that if I didn't like it then that was my choice and I would be the only one who lost out. He asked me to just give you time, give you a chance. And I'm so glad that I did because now I see the man who my son loves. I see the man that makes my son the happiest that I have ever seen him and I see the man that he chose.

"When Sonny went off travelling I was so worried about him being out there on his own, but then suddenly he wasn't. And through all the emails and photos and video chats I watched you two get closer and fall in love. When he told me about you, even though you weren't out? I knew that he was in deep. He had to be, why else would he let me in on your little secret? Sonny doesn't just give his heart away, believe me on that."

"You know how much I love him."

"I know. That's why you're good enough for him," she smiled. "Because only someone who would do right by him is good enough for me."

"I want to be that guy, I really do. I just..."

"What?" Adrienne prompted gently when he trailed off.

"I just hope he lets me."

###

"OK, I promise," Abi said, "I won't say anything."

"I mean it. Not to anyone."

"You're scaring me now. Is everything OK?"

"I... don't know," Sonny admitted. "I really don't know and I don't know what I'm going to do about it."

"Hey, whatever it is I'm sure--"

"I think I made a huge mistake."

"With what?" she asked. "The business seems to be going well."

"It is. It's about the only thing in my life that is running the way it should."

"So... What is it?"

"Paul and I got into this huge fight the other day."

"Hey, I'm sure whatever it was you guys can fix it. It's just a fight, everyone has them."

"It wasn't that. It was... he wanted to go off travelling, he thought that we were getting too... lost in our lives here, we didn't have time for each other anymore."

"OK," she said carefully.

"And I told him that we came back here to settle down and we couldn't just drop everything and run because it was getting hard. This is life, the everyday stuff. And we can't just run away because things are... boring."

"And are they? Boring I mean," Abi asked.

"They're... not as exciting as they used to be, but it's not as if we can stay in the honeymoon phase forever is it?"

"I guess not."

"And the business takes a lot of effort, there's so much that needs to be done on a day-to-day basis."

"So where's the mistake?"

"I told Paul that I was done travelling, that this is where my home and life were now."

"And is it?"

"Yes," Sonny said, "but... I'd go tomorrow if I could. Just get on that plane and disappear."

"Disappear? Interesting choice of words."

"I miss it. I miss waking up and doing new things and seeing new places. I miss that life, Abs. I miss... all of it."

"There's nothing wrong with that. I'd miss that life if I'd lived it for as long as you have."

"It's more than that." He looked down at his hands, twisting the ring on his finger as if it unsettled him. "It's... when we were in San Francisco, from the moment we became a couple, we spent all of that time together. All of it. There was... _no_ break from it. All day, every day. All of that time together in hotel rooms and rented apartments. All that sneaking around and hiding away and waiting for him. And I thought that if I could do all that, if I could spend all day, every day with this man then it must mean that he's the one. If I could do that and... make it through? Then it has to mean something.

"And that's why I proposed. I really thought that he was the one, he was the person that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I love him, Abs, I really do. Of course I do but..."

"But you're not sure anymore?"

"No," he said quickly. "I mean... I don't know. I said no to the travelling because the idea of being alone with him like that again? It freaked me out, Abi. Really... freaked me out."

"Sonny..." she breathed, reaching out to him. "Sonny, it's OK."

"No, no it's not. I love him, he's my husband, and I would rather... do the breakfast shift at work than spend time with him. I don't—"

As if he realised he had said too much, Sonny bit his lip and shook his head. "Ignore me, I'm clearly having a minor breakdown."

"I can see that," Abi said, "it's why you're having it that I'm worried about."

"End of the honeymoon phase? Settling down to real life? I don't know, maybe I miss the excitement. I mean, the danger of us being caught? It added a little buzz to what we were doing. And standing by him when he came out? Abi, I have _never_ been prouder of anyone. It took so much courage for him to do that and—"

"And he did it with your ring on his finger," Abi pointed out. "You gave him that courage."

"Doesn't change how I feel," Sonny pointed out.

"And how do you feel?" Abi challenged.

"I love him."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what else?" she asked. "Because it's not enough to love someone. You need to like them, respect them--"

"Yes, of course," Sonny snapped. "Sorry. I just... Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just having a hard time getting used to this settling down, married life thing."

"Maybe," Abi said thoughtfully.

"Look, just... forget I said anything, OK? Paul and I will be OK. We will be. We talked it through, had a nice date night, and we have the Fourth coming up soon. Maybe I just need a break, spend some time with my husband."

"That sounds like a good idea," Abi said.

Sonny moved the conversation on to new topics, mostly about her, and so she played along and didn't admit once that she didn't believe a word of what he'd just told her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the rating change!

When Paul joined Abi at her table she greeted him with a nervous smile but with her usual kiss on his cheek and hug.

"I stopped by earlier," Paul admitted, "but you and Sonny seemed to be in the middle of something."

Abi was startled, but tried to cover quickly. "What?"

"Earlier on. You and Sonny. Seemed important so I left you to it."

"Oh, yeah, well..."

"Everything OK?"

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

"People only say that when there's something to worry about."

"People say a lot of things."

"Yeah, and they sometimes don't," Paul retorted. "Like when they're trying to hide something."

"It's nothing you need worry about," she lied, "we were just... talking about Will."

"Is he OK?"

"He will be," Abi said. "I think he's just... struggling. There's a lot of stuff going on for him right now."

"And Sonny is worried about him?"

"We both are," Abi said, her brain scrambling to come up with a cover story. "He... Will might be interested in someone, Sonny wants to make sure that he's OK. It's a big deal, right? The first... guy? The one who could be something? Mean something?"

"Yeah, pretty big," Paul smiled.

"He's just nervous about asking him out, about taking that leap. Sonny's worried about him about making this… crush out to be something that it's not because he feels like he needs to start dating or something. He was wondering if he should say something, but I talked him down," she added quickly, realising she needed to close this off. "It's Will's life, it's his decision. If he asks out this guy, great. If he doesn't then that's his decision too."

"Yeah, but he shouldn't miss out on something just because he's scared," Paul said. "I nearly did that. For a moment I thought about turning Sonny down, of saying no because I was too scared to come out. I was terrified of what it would mean for me. I could talk to him—"

"No, Paul, please," Abi said. "He's figuring out what he wants to do and Sonny was right, he needs to do this for himself. If he misses out then he'll learn from it. You know it's the right thing to do."

"Fine," Paul sighed. "My husband is too smart for his own good sometimes."

"But you love him for it anyway," she smiled.

"Yeah," he smiled back, "I do."

###

"So how is Will doing?" Brian asked.

"He's… good," Paul said. "He's not pining after you. Sorry if that's what you were asking for."

"No, we're good," Brian smiled. "Much better as friends. He's a good guy, really sweet, but he's not for me."

"Anyone out there who could be?"

"Yeah, but you got to him first so…" Brian quipped.

"I'd apologise, but I'm really not sorry at all."

"I know. So do all the guys down at the bar. Still can't figure out which of you two is the luckier one."

"Definitely me," Paul grinned.

"Man, some day I hope to have what you guys have. You give us all hope."

"And how exactly do we do that?"

"You're just you. You're not perfect, you're not some… perfect cut-out about what a gay marriage should be. You're just married, with everything that comes with that."

"And who says we're not perfect?" Paul quipped. "No, I mean… it's hard work, of course it is. And we've had our ups and downs, but… What?"

"Nothing," Brian said.

"No, that look was something. I know that look. We have been friends for a long time, what was with that look?"

"Are you two OK? Like… really OK? I'm not pressing for details, it's your business of course it is. This is just… friendly concern. I care about you guys, you're good friends."

"We're fine, really," Paul said. "Well, we will be. Little bump in the road but it's nothing we can't deal with. Nothing we're not dealing with. We just need to make sure that we are focusing on each other, making time for each other, all the stuff we did in San Francisco."

"And that's it?"

"Bri, that's it. I promise you. Your perfect poster couple are going to be just fine."

"Fine, make fun of me for being concerned."

"Why are you concerned?"

"Because I'm stupidly emotionally invested in you two as a couple, humour me."

"Fine," Paul said.

###

"So how's Will?" Brian asked.

"Don't tell me you're missing him," Sonny laughed. "Oh my god, you're missing him."

"No, I'm not. I'm just asking."

"He's fine."

"I heard he got stood up. Gotta suck."

"Are you sure you're not missing him?" Sonny asked, his voice losing all hints of teasing.

"It is entirely possible to care about an ex, be friends even," Brian said. "And I do care about Will. He's a great guy, he deserves someone who recognises that and actually bothers to show up for a date. Or at least do the dumping in person."

"Agreed," Sonny said. "At least it happened here."

"What?"

"Will arranged to meet him here," Sonny explained. "I was working the late shift so he wasn't completely alone. And it was pretty quiet so we got to spend some time together. He really is fine. He's just getting used to being out and the whole world not burning around him."

"That was an option?" Brian laughed.

"Well, with his family? Anything could happen. But he came out and even though a few people had trouble coming to terms with everything—"

"Sami," Brian added.

"Sami," Sonny said. "Anyway, Will being out? It's just one of those things now. People are finally seeing him for who he is and he's… he's happy."

"I'm glad."

"Me too," Sonny grinned. "And you're right. He's a great guy and he'll make some guy very happy and very lucky one day. Someone who will understand exactly what he needs."

"And what is that?"

"Attention. Care. Space," Sonny said. "Will's… not had it easy and whoever he ends up with needs to know that, understand that. Something tells me that he's never really felt like he deserves anything good, you know?"

"Think so," Brian said. "When I first kissed him you should have seen the look on his face. Like he was shocked that I'd even entertained the idea."

"This, this is what I mean," Sonny said, his words falling over themselves as they poured from his mouth. "No one has ever taken the time to find out what he needs, what he wants, and his whole life he's been shunted about from one home to another and so he doesn't get that he is someone worth getting to know, worth caring about. And that's the biggest tragedy of it all, not that Sami or Lucas had their moments about him coming out, that he doesn't think that he is going to find someone who can actually love him."

"And what? You're going to do something about that?" Brian asked.

"Why not?" Sonny replied, before he was distracted by an approaching customer.

While Sonny made the order, Brian cupped his own mug and watched his friend with a growing mixture of suspicion and worry. He'd heard about the times that Will and Sonny were spending together, but thought nothing much of it. Friends hung out, that was what happened. But this? This was more.

"What?" Sonny asked when he realised Brian was watching him.

"Nothing. Just thinking about what you said. You really care about Will, don't you?"

"Of course I do, he's a friend," Sonny replied, his tone a little defensive. "Wouldn't you want to see your friends happy?"

"Yeah, but—"

"And I want to help him with that, do what I can." 

"Yeah, I got that," Brian said.

"What?"

" I mean, you gave me the third degree when we started going out and when we split up you grilled me about how far we got together. You have a serious interest in this kid."

"He's a friend," Sonny said. "He's… somewhat family."

"Somewhat family?" Brian laughed.

"Yeah. My uncle Vic is married to his aunt Maggie, and my cousins Abi and JJ? They're Will's cousins too."

"This place is weird."

"Tell me about it," Sonny laughed. "But yeah, Will's a friend. A good friend. And he came to me, talked to me about coming out. So of course I care about him."

"Care about him," Brian hummed.

"As a friend," Sonny said. "He's a good friend."

"A good friend who is doing well?"

"What?"

"You _care_ about him," Brian stressed.

"Bri—"

"It's easy to worry about Will," Brian continued. "We've all been there, we know how nervous and terrifying coming out can be. It's only natural to want to make the whole… rite of passage easier for the next one."

"So this is some gay pay it forward scheme?"

"Maybe," Brian laughed. "So… how long are you going to be looking out for him?"

"What? Will? I don't know. As long as he needs it."

"However long that may be?"

"Maybe," Brian replied. "Anyway, I gotta shoot. Got a hot date with your husband."

"What?"

"Relax," he laughed. "You know I'm heading over to Japan in the summer, looking to get some local knowledge."

"Local?"

"He knows more than I do," Brian pointed out. "Catch you later, you gay guru."

"Gay guru?" Sonny laughed. "My husband calls me that too. Feel like I should get some business cards printed up. Coffee during the day, advice and relationship stuff at night."

"You'd make a fortune," Brian quipped. "I'll give him your love when I see him, shall I?"

"What?" Sonny asked, his brow creasing in confusion.

"Paul. Who I'm meeting in a minute in the Square. I'll give him your love?"

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Sure."

This time it was Brian's face who creased, but this time in concern. 

###

"So you ever take Sonny out there?" Brian asked as he closed his notebook.

"What? Japan? No, we never made it that far."

"One day I guess?"

"Maybe," Paul sighed. "Not sure how welcomed we'd be."

"I thought Japan wasn't that… closed minded."

"On the whole, not really. So long as it's someone else's family."

"Things still not great?"

"They're… better. At least I can have a conversation with my mother and grandfather now. My father is a different story."

"Gotta hurt."

"It is what it is," Paul said. "And I'm trying very hard to think of it as his loss, you know? If he doesn’t want to be a part of my life then I can't make him."

"Did they come to the wedding?"

"No," Paul said, "but then I didn't expect them to. Father was 'too ill' and they couldn't make it. I still don't know if that was true or not, but… He's not in the best of health," Paul explained off Brian's confused look. "Been hospitalised a few times because of his heart. So it may have been genuine."

"Or not," Brian said.

"Or not."

"Well, it is their loss. You and Sonny? You make a great couple. We should all be so lucky as to have our own Sonny. If you ever felt like having him cloned, or lending him out—"

"I'm sure there would be a queue," Paul said, "and I don't think you'd be first in line."

"What?"

"Just right now I think Will sees more of my husband than I do."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know he's finding his feet, but it's not as if he came out yesterday, is it? It's been months, and he's already getting into the dating scene. I just wish that Sonny would… let him get on with it."

"You think he's too involved?" 

"I think I'm missing something and everyone seems to be in on it but me. Abi is going on about this new guy that Will is interested in, if he calls or texts Sonny pretty much jumps to attention, and they're having whole conversations that I know nothing about."

"Were you expecting to?" Brian asked.

"I don't demand a full report," Paul said, "but we always talked. He'd tell me about his day, say that Will dropped by or tell me what was going on. Now I hear it second hand from people. He doesn't tell me. It's… probably nothing," he finished. "Ignore me. I'm being jealous and stupid because I'm finally having to share my husband with other people."

"Longing for the days of secret hotel rooms?" Brian quipped.

"They were simpler," Paul laughed. "But this… this is better. This is what I want, a life with Sonny."

"Like I said, we should all be so lucky as to have our own Sonny."

"Well he's mine," Paul grinned. "Hands off."

Brian smiled, and gave a small laugh, but he wasn't convinced at all. And somehow he knew Paul wasn't either.

###

When the Fourth of July came around Paul had decided that he was overreacting. Every coming out was different, every person was different, and this was a good friend of theirs who needed help and support. So he resolved himself to be more involved, to ask Will about his day, to give advice where he could and help Will navigate his rebuilding of relationships with his parents.

To provide neutral ground Paul invited Will to join him, Sonny, and some of their friends by the lake for the day. At various points various family members would be joining them, and so the invitation was extended to Sami and Lucas, who agreed that for one day they would present a united front for the sake of the kids.

(Will quipped that he would believe it when it happened.)

This, Paul reasoned, was the best way to make positive change happen in his life. He would be proactive, spend time focusing on his marriage and his husband. He would make the effort (the plans he had for that night? Well, they would put his wedding night to shame) and things would be back on track for them soon enough.

And more importantly he would remember that Sonny and Will were friends, that they shared family, and that he knew what kind of person Sonny was before he married him. Of course he would want to be there for Will, that's who he was. So there was really nothing for him to be worried about.

###

By the time Will had convinced a very nervous Sydney to even come near the water's edge, Sonny was already soaked and gasping for air as Johnny and Allie paddled the water around him. They moved confidently through the water away from him, chasing the small inflatable balls which were part of whatever game the kids were making up on the spot, so he allowed himself to take his attention from them for two seconds and turned find Will.

He was just in time to see Will pull his shirt over his head and drop it at the lake's edge by the towels and rejected toys. When he bent down to pick up Sydney the muscles in his arms flexed and his little sister huddled against his chest as he stepped them both into the warm water. She still clung to him as he walked out into deeper water, but stopped before it was even level to his waist.

Sonny swam over to them, but kept crouched in the water, the waves lapping over his shoulders.

"Sydney thinks there's sharks," Will explained.

"In the lake?"

"Apparently Johnny saw some Discovery Channel Shark Week promo slot and decided to scare his sister."

"There aren't any sharks in here, Sydney," Sonny said. "I promise."

She didn't seem convinced, and held on to Will even tighter. Her legs inched up around his waist so that the lapping water didn't even reach her toes.

"I'll stay with you the whole time," Will said. "I promise I won't let go."

She seemed to think about this for a second, then nodded. "Here," she said. "Not deep."

"OK," Will agreed, and started to lower them gently into the water. It wasn't even up to his waist before he started to wobble a bit, trying to keep his balance with a terrified toddler in his arms.

Instinctively Sonny reached out, his hands on Will's waist and back to steady him in the water. The contact of skin on skin the warm water seemed to shock them both, and they stilled, their eyes locking. The moment stretched out for seconds or a lifetime before Sydney's grip shifted around Will's waist and brought him back to reality. Sonny's hands stayed firm on his body until he was crouched too, the water covering them both.

"See? It's just the same old lake. No sharks," Will said.

Sonny's hands were still on Will's body but he was scared to move them. Scared to let go, scared to hold on, and absolutely terrified about what both of those feelings meant.

###

"Good day?" Paul asked as he slid the key into the lock.

"Yeah," Sonny replied, rolling his head a little from side to side. "Exhausting though. TV makes piggy back rides seem effortless."

"The kids had fun," Paul smiled, "and you looked like you were too."

"Yeah, I was," Sonny smiled back. "It was a good idea, inviting them to join us. Holidays are all about kids and family, aren't they?"

Paul stilled for a second, turning to face his husband. "What?"

"I'm just saying, spending holidays with kids makes you realise that they're supposed to be fun. It's not all about timings on the BBQ or running to a schedule. They do what they want when they want, and when they ask you for a ride? Well, who am I to refuse?"

"Right," Paul said, turning back to the door.

"Why, what did you think I meant?"

"…Nothing."

"Don't give me that, Paul," Sonny said, putting his hands on Paul's waist and turning him around. "What?"

"It's just… You sounded like you were hinting something. When you mentioned kids."

"I… I didn't mean to," Sonny said. "That wasn't what I meant at all."

"No, I know. I mean, I didn't think so."

"Right," Sonny said quickly. "Sorry. I just… Sorry."

"This is ruining the mood I was trying to set," Paul said, sighing gently.

"What mood?"

"I just…" He pushed open the door and Sonny's eyes widened in surprise before he laughed softly. "I know things have been a little tense between us, and I wanted to take some time this holiday to remind you that I love you, that I am so glad that I married you, and even if we still have a few things to work out—"

"Like the kid thing," Sonny said, walking into the apartment and looking at the array of candles and flowers about the place.

"—like the kid thing," Paul repeated, closing the door behind them, "I don't want us to forget each other."

"I could never forget you," Sonny said.

"Good," Paul said quietly, standing behind Sonny and wrapping his arms around his waist. "So… how about you grab a shower, get some hot water on those sore muscles, and I'll light these candles so that when you get out? I can maybe see if I can massage your shoulders better."

"That… sounds like a plan," Sonny grinned, turning his head to kiss Paul gently.

###

Not that far away, Will was in his own shower, working out his own sore muscles. Johnny and Sydney's demands for a piggy back race hadn't been so much one twin against the other as it had been a test of how well he and Sonny had been able to sprint short distances with children on their shoulders. Sonny had always been that little bit faster (Will swore that it was because Sydney was that little bit lighter than her brother) and so Will had always come in behind Sonny, his vision dominated by his browning back, the definition and curves of muscles and his waist, down to the figure clinging band of his swim trunks. And more.

He swore that he could still feel Sonny's hands, his fingertips on his skin as if those pads had burned ownership into his skin. _You are mine, you belong to me_. His heart had stuttered and stopped in his chest in that moment, and in a way Will was waiting for it to start again. He imagined those hands on his waist again, his back, his chest. Those fingers tracing lines down his arms to his own fingers where they intertwined with the promise that they would never let go. He would never let him go again.

Those hands pulling him away from everyone else, pushing him against a wall, a door, a bed, holding him down and touching him. Those fingers wrapping around him, firm but gentle, the way he supposed love was supposed to be. Strong enough to hold you up, gentle enough to not weigh you down. And those fingers, those promises of love, strong and gentle on him at the same time while they stroked up and down his erection, a fingertip occasionally brushing against his tip. A slight flick of the wrist, a twist as he moved down, and Will's breath would catch.

One hand on his erection, the other on his balls, knowing exactly how to make him gasp and bring him up, up, up until he gasped, the air sticking in his throat as his body jerked underneath those hands, those fingers, and Will was coming hard and hot and white against the tiles of the shower, Sonny's name a whisper from his lips.

###

Sonny bit his lip as Paul pulled the towel from his hips, put his hands on his hips, and pulled him down onto the bed. The kiss was lazy at first, full of promise. A warm up. Then, in the standard play motion, Paul turned him over, pinned him to the bed beneath him, and kissed his way down his chest.

This was practiced, perfected, performed with ease and regularity (none of this boring married sexless nonsense for them). Paul's head buried between his legs, his mouth and tongue as they had always been, his hands and fingers on his legs and everywhere else as they always were.

And then Paul's hands moved to his waist and they were not Paul's hands. They were smaller, paler. The fingers less confident but just as affectionate. The kisses placed on the inside of Sonny's legs were reverent, adoring, and simply breathtaking. Sonny's back arched and his eyes closed as he drowned in that water that lapped around their bodies that afternoon, drowned in the eyes that held his, revelled in the flex of muscle and body as it twisted itself to please.

The mouth that smiled at him wrapped around him and the tongue that spoke his name licked over his sensitive head. The arms that had wrapped around him in hellos and goodbyes held him down as Sonny tensed and released, coming hard and hot and white down the throat of the man who wasn't who Sonny had imagined him to be. A name swallowed before it could be spoken.

"Whoa," Paul croaked, dabbing at the corners of his mouth. "Haven't made you do that in a while."

"Sorry," Sonny panted.

"Who said I was complaining," Paul said with a soft laugh. "Not a bad start to the night."

Sonny sat up slightly, propping himself up on his elbows. "Start?"

"Yeah," Paul grinned, crawling up the bed, one leg either side of Sonny's hips. "I have great plans for you."

And later, when Paul was in his lap and rocking into him, Sonny would try to keep his eyes open so that he would see brown eyes and not dream of blue, see dark hair and skin and not imagine blond and pale. He would try.

He would fail.


	6. Chapter 6

Whoever Will was expecting to be knocking on his dorm room door at a little before nine in the morning, it wasn't who stood there with two coffees.

"Got a minute?" Paul asked.

"Um, yeah, of course," Will said, stepping back to let him in. "Sorry about the mess."

"It's fine," Paul said, setting down the coffees. "Sorry to drop by unannounced."

"Is… is everything OK?"

"Yeah, or so everyone keeps telling me anyway. And that's why I'm here. To apologise."

"Apologise?" Will said. "For what?"

"I haven't been a very good friend."

At that, Will felt himself blush. _Good friends don't think of their friend's husband while jerking off in the shower_ he thought. "Paul—"

"When you came out we both promised to be there for you, and I know I made some jokes about leaving the more… _intimate_ stuff to Sonny, but I wanted you to know that it was only a joke. I mean it. If there is anything you want to talk about to ask then I want you to know that you can come to me too. And I'd like it if you did."

"Why?"

"We're friends, and I want to help. I know what it's like to come out and have people turn against you, and things get hard."

"Things are fine," Will said. "Really. Life is… moving on."

"That's good. But it's not just about family. Relationships are tough when you're newly out."

"You were with Sonny before you came out," Will said.

"Yeah, but he wasn't my first. And… navigating that? It was hard. Really hard. Sonny had it easy compared to you and me, he always knew he was gay. You and me? Well, you had Gabi and to the world I had a string of models. Finding the kind of guy you want to be with when there's all that going on? It's hard."

"Right."

"You can talk to me about it. About dating different guys, about anything you think you might be into. I won't force you, but if there is someone you are interested in…"

The way that Paul left that statement hanging in mid-air told Will everything he needed to know and he sighed. "What have you heard?" he asked.

"Nothing. Well, nothing much. Everyone is very good at keeping your secrets and I just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to talk to me then you could. I can keep them too."

"I know, and thank you."

"So… Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm good," Will said, suddenly desperate to get him out of the room.

"I know," Paul said. And Will knew it was a message.

"H—how?" Will managed to ask, reaching out to find the nearest bit of support available to him. The air seemed to have gone from around him and he felt like he was about to choke.

"I have my sources," Paul replied. "But when Abi told me and people started saying what they had noticed… it wasn't hard to figure out, Will."

"I'm sorry," Will said quickly, "I'm really sorry."

"Why—"

"I didn't think I was being obvious about it, it's only because Gabi knows me so well she figured it out but I didn't tell her anything at all. I don't know what she said to Abi, but I swear I didn't want you to find out like this. Or at all. I told Gabi that I wasn't going to do anything and I meant it. I won't go after him, I swear it. I'm not doing anything and there's a pretty big part of me that just wants to run away from all of this."

"Why?" Paul said with a soft laugh. "Will, I get that you're making this into a big deal, but it really doesn't have to be."

"It… doesn't?"

"No! You can't help who you like and this idea of running away? It's stupid. You need to go after the things in life that you want, and that includes the people in it."

"I… What?" Will asked, his brain trying to process this information.

"Why can't you go after him?" Paul asked.

_He doesn't know_ was the only thought going around in Will's mind along with the relief that was flooding his body, and so he didn't realise that he'd not answered Paul's question until he noticed that he was being watched.

"Why can't you go after him?" Paul repeated, but his voice had lost its softness, lost its gentle tone, and now there was a definite edge of suspicion to it.

"Paul—"

"Why can't you go after him?" Paul asked a third time.

"…You know why," Will said dumbly, finally giving up on trying to stay upright, and he sank onto the nearby chair. "And I hate myself for it."

"You and Sonny—"

"No, no 'me and Sonny'," Will said quickly. "This is all me. This is all me and some… stupid crush on a guy who has been helpful and supportive and I swear to you that I am doing _nothing_ about this. Not a thing, Paul. I can't, I won't. I'm not going to be my mom. Or my dad for that matter," he added with a self-deprecating laugh. "You read about this stuff all the time, don't you? Someone helps you through a traumatic time and you… attach yourself to them. I never meant for this to happen."

"Has anything happened?"

"God, no!" Will said, getting to his feet. "Paul, I swear. Sonny doesn't even know about this and I've been trying to put some space, some distance between us so that I can get my head together and get this… stupid idea out of it. Not that Sonny is a stupid idea, he's a great guy and he's kind and wonderful and caring and you of course know all this and…" He trailed off and just watched Paul's face, looking for some kind of a reaction. "I'm not going to do anything about this. I promise you."

"Does he know? How you feel, I mean?"

"No, and I don't want him to. It's embarrassing enough that I've got a stupid crush, I don't want—"

"It's OK," Paul said, putting a hand on Will's shoulder.

Will surmised that Paul probably meant it as a gesture of support. The fact that it was his left hand wasn't even a consideration for him. But the glint of the light from the wedding band on his finger wasn't unnoticed by Will and his stomach turned over.

"Maybe you're right, some time and distance would be a good thing," Paul continued. "And I won't say anything to Sonny, you have my word."

"Thank you," Will said quietly, turning his head just enough so that the ring was out of his peripheral vision. "I don't know why you're being so good about this."

"Because you're my friend," Paul said, "and it's not as if I can't appreciate how… attractive my husband is," he added with a soft laugh.

The joke didn't resonate with Will.

"Can I ask you to do something for me?" Paul continued.

"Anything," Will said, willing to promise him the moon if it made this situation over.

"If you want to ask anything, or need help… Come to me, OK? Ask me. If you're serious about this distance from Sonny then he can't be your go-to gay guru anymore."

Will nodded. "Yes. OK. Fine. Thanks."

"And you need to get out there. Move on. Meet someone new."

"I'm trying," Will said. "There's a guy I think might be… He's nice. Cute even. We get on."

"Sounds good."

Paul lifted his hand from Will's shoulder, but the weight still seemed to be there. He said nothing else, just nodded once and then left the room. Will collapsed back onto the chair and found himself staring at the two coffee cups Paul had placed down when he'd entered, and noticed for the first time the written orders on the side. Sonny's barely legible scrawl detailed Will's favourite order, down to the dusting of powder on the top. He knew there was no way that Paul knew that detail, and to Will it was just another reason why spending any more time with Sonny was a Very Bad Idea indeed.

He needed to get Sonny Kiriakis out of his system, no matter what he had to do to make that happen. 

###

"OK, well I'll see you then, looking forward to it," Paul said before hanging up the phone.

"Making a date without me?" Sonny quipped, kissing the top of Paul's head as he passed the table.

"Yeah," Paul replied.

"I… was joking," Sonny said, freezing for a second.

"It's for Will," Paul said with a soft laugh. "A friend of a friend is interested, wanted to see if I could…"

"What? Hook him up?" Sonny laughed. "Will know about this?"

"I checked with him first, worry not," Paul said. "And Neil is a good guy, I promise."

"Why do I know that name?"

"Will's first kiss?" Paul explained, watching Sonny remember. "That day in the Square, remember? He's a good guy, he'll be good for Will."

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway, since when were you setting Will up on dates?"

"He's getting on with life, Son. It's what is supposed to happen."

"I guess."

"You OK? You seem… annoyed."

"No, not annoyed," Sonny said. "It's just… since when did Will come to you for dating advice?"

"Since when did you have the monopoly on it?" Paul countered, getting up from the table. "We both agreed to be there for him if he wanted help."

"And he wanted… setting up?"

"What is this about, Sonny?"

"It's… It's nothing, don't worry. I'm sorry, I was just… I didn't know that about Will. Asking you to set him up."

"Is that it?" Paul asked, watching the subtle shifts in Sonny's expression and body language.

"What else would it be?" Sonny busied himself making coffee and tried to refocus his thoughts. "Actually, it is something," he said, turning to face Paul. "All this talk of dates and we haven't been on one in… too long."

"We had dinner the other day."

"At the coffee house, after closing early."

"We fooled around in the office."

"That's not a date, that's… teen stuff. I mean a date. Dress up nice, food we don't have to make or clear up afterwards from."

"You going to pick me up too?" Paul laughed.

"Why not?" Sonny shrugged. "I'll come over about seven?"

"You're serious about this," Paul said, moving over to where Sonny was and putting his hands on his waist.

"Yeah. I just… You and I have lost each other a little these last few months, and you're right, we need to work at our marriage. So this is me. Working at it. Taking my husband out on a date."

"OK," Paul grinned.

"I'll book a table, somewhere out of town. Somewhere nice. Dress up."

"I can wear that shirt you like?" Paul teased. "I replaced the button."

Sonny laughed at the memory, and let Paul pull him in for a kiss.

"Tomorrow night. It's a date," Paul whispered.

"Yes it is."

###

_**Will Horton** – Nervous about the big date tonight! _   
_**Neil Hultgren** likes this. _   
_**Neil Hultgren** – Don't be nervous. I'll be the perfect gentleman, promise! _

Sonny closed the app, pocketed his phone in his jacket, and sighed. This had to stop, he knew it. This was unfair and not right in more ways than he could imagine. In the weeks since that day at the lake he had barely seen Will and he had tried to focus on other things, other people. One person, really. He'd told himself, over and over, that he was just feeling protective of Will. That he wanted to be there to support him, care for him, and that because Will was such a good friend that he was just… invested.

It was time for that to stop.

He checked his reflection one last time and then slipped out of the Kiriakis mansion without saying goodbye to anyone. For some reason this didn't feel like something he wanted to announce.

###

From the second Paul opened the door Sonny turned on the effort. He handed over the single red carnation and complimented the cut of Paul's suit. (It took him far too long to realise that it was Paul's wedding suit, but he didn't let on.) After Paul had kissed him he joked about rushing things, and instead took his hand as he led him out to where he'd parked his car. On the drive out of town they made small talk (so where are you from, what do you do for a living, any family?) and easily fell into the make believe of a first date.

And it was simple, Sonny realised as they walked into the restaurant, because when it came down to it he really did love Paul. He always had. From that moment at the party through to their wedding day and beyond, he was in love with this man. He could imagine a life with him, a home with him. Maybe a family of their own one day. It could all be so simple and so wonderful and nice if he just focused on what he was supposed to be focused on.

The maître d indicated for a server to show them to their table, and Sonny took Paul's hand and led as they weaved though diners and pressed linen until they arrived at an intimate table for two; lit candle, ice bucket to the side, single red rose artfully placed in what looked like a test tube vase.

And sitting one across from them at an identical table? Will and Neil.

###

Sonny supposed that if they'd made enough of a fuss then they could have been moved, but that would have possibly raised more concerns. So he held out Paul's chair for him, sat across from him, ordered wine and food and broke breadsticks and laughed at his jokes. He hooked an ankle around one of Paul's and tried to follow the line of conversation without his gaze flicking to his left too much.

What little he saw when he risked a glance was a scene not too dissimilar to that on his own table. Laughs, conversation, little touches with the hint of intimacy. The perfect date.

Somewhere between their perfect mains and perfect dessert perfect Neil made his perfect excuse and slipped out in the direction of the restrooms. And without any real conscious thought about what he was doing, Sonny put a hand over his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone.

"It's Mom," he said. "Sorry, I—"

"No, take it," Paul said. "I'll order dessert. Share the platter with me?"

"Always," Sonny smiled.

He gave a cursory glance towards Will as he left: a smile and a gentle nod, an acknowledgement in an attempt to not be rude, but then he disappeared in the direction of the bathroom, lifting his phone up as he did so. It wasn't until he was out of sight that he put the quiet phone back into his pocket. 

Then he pushed open the door to the men's room.

"Hey," Neil said as he finished drying his hands. "So… is this awkward?"

"What?"

"Us. Same place?"

"No, why should it be?"

"Just wondering," Neil said. "For a moment I thought Paul was checking up on me!"

"No, this dinner, coming here, it was all my idea," Sonny said. "If I'd known you were—"

"It's fine, really."

"Looks like it's going well. You and Will, I mean."

"Yeah, he's a great guy. Kinda thought that for a while now."

"Really?" Sonny asked, an eyebrow raising a little.

"Oh don't give me that," Neil replied. "You and I both knew he was gay long before he even thought he could admit it to himself."

"So you were what? Waiting for him?"

"…Maybe," Neil said with a grin. "But maybe he's worth waiting for."

"So now what? Now that you're done waiting?"

Neil grinned. "Are you asking me what my intentions are?"

"…Maybe?" Sonny replied. "Is that weird?"

"No less weirder for having this conversation in the men's room," Neil replied.

"He's a friend, a good friend," Sonny countered. "I just want to make sure that he's with someone who gets that."

"I get it," Neil said, "and… for what it's worth, I have no intention of forcing him into anything. He sets the pace, and I've made that clear. Hell, I've waited this long I can wait a little longer."

"How long is a little?"

"As long as he wants it to be," Neil said defensively. "I mean it, Sonny. He's a really great guy and I want to get to know him better. My intentions? Totally honourable."

"Good," Sonny said. "And I'm sorry. For this."

"For what it's worth? I'm glad it was you and not Paul," Neil laughed. "The connections he has with Salem U? I know I'd be out in a heartbeat if I messed Will around. I suppose it's a good thing that Will has such good friends, people who want to see him happy."

"What?"

"Paul was the one who contacted me," Neil said. "Said he'd noticed how I looked at Will."

"So Paul set this up? It didn't come from Will?"

"Yeah," Neil said. "I thought you knew?"

"No, I knew… Doesn't matter," Sonny said, giving up on the idea of covering. "So long as Will's happy, that's the main thing."

"Well, I'd like the chance to do that," Neil said. "And not that I don't get where this is coming from, or that I don't understand, but if you and I spend any more time alone in this bathroom then our respective dates are going to start to think we're up to something."

"Actually…" Sonny started, then trailed off.

Neil smiled and nodded. "Got it. Not a word. This never happened."

"Thanks."

"Right, well, I best get out there. Nice… um, conversation?" he finished with a laugh.

"Yeah," Sonny said.

###

"I don't know what kind of a date you think I am," Sonny laughed, as Paul pinned him against the back of the door as soon as it was closed, "but just because I bought you dinner does not mean you're going to get lucky."

"Yeah, it does," Paul responded with a laugh.

"Will seemed to have a good time," Sonny said, changing the topic quickly and pushing Paul back so he could move free. "Think it'll go somewhere?"

"Maybe," Paul replied. "I know Neil has been into Will for a while, and if that little… crush that Will has is given some time? Who knows what will happen?"

"Crush?" Sonny asked as he lifted a couple of mugs down from the unit.

"Yeah," Paul said, his mouth curling up a little in confusion. "Abi told me."

"Did she say it was about Neil? And when did this little development happen?"

"A while ago," Paul said, replaying the conversation in his mind. _" Sonny's worried about him about making this… crush out to be something that it's not because he feels like he needs to start dating or something."_ Those had been Abi's exact words. Sonny should have known about the crush on Neil, but if he didn't…

"Paul?" Sonny's voice broke into Paul's thoughts and distracted him. "I asked if you wanted a drink?"

"Um, no. I'm fine. I'm… just going to grab a shower, OK?"

"Yeah. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Just tired all of a sudden. Guess I'm not used to as much champagne anymore."

"Do you miss it?" Sonny asked.

"What?"

"The life you had in San Francisco? Playing the game, the fans? You don't talk about it much."

"I… Yeah, some days I miss it. But we both know that my shoulder giving out was the excuse they needed to drop me. At least they sent me packing with a nice payout."

"Paul…"

"I got to do something that I loved for a while, that's more than what most people get. And now I get to spend the rest of my life with the man that I love, and that really is more than what some people get."

"So you're happy?"

"Yes," Paul said, moving over to Sonny, "I'm happy."

"It's just, I know this isn't exactly what you had in mind—"

"Hey, I don't care what we're doing so long as we're doing it together. And this is a good life, Sonny. The business is on the rise, I'm coaching the school's Little League, the fundraising projects at the university? This is what is, I believe, called 'making a life with someone'."

"Is it the life you wanted though?"

"Where has this come from?" Paul asked. "You know I'm happy… Are you?" he challenged.

"Yes, of course," Sonny said quickly. "It's just a lot has happened in the last few years and when I arrived in San Francisco the last thing I thought would happen within a month of me arriving was… well, you."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Yes, it's a good thing," Sonny smiled before kissing him gently. "It's just…"

"Will?" Paul prompted.

For a second Sonny's heart lurched and he realised, not for the first time, how deep he was getting in this mess.

"Seeing him just starting out making you have a few 'what if' moments?" Paul continued.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just… making sure."

"Making sure of what?"

"That we're OK."

"We are," Paul said, kissing Sonny again. "I'm going to go and have that shower. If you felt like scrubbing my back…?"

"I'm good," Sonny said with a smile, and turning back to the mugs.

"OK. Well, I'll be quick," Paul said, feeling that pang of dismissal. Again.

Sonny waited until he heard the shower running before grabbing his phone and sending a quick text. When he got an equally quick reply he hit the call button. "I wasn't sure if I'd be… interrupting," he started with a laugh.

"Very funny," Will replied. "Neil was a perfect gentleman. Walked me to my dorm room, kissed me goodnight, left."

"So you had a good time?"

"Yeah, it was… it was nice," Will said. "Little weird seeing you guys there. Not weird, weird," he added quickly. "You know what I mean."

"Can I ask you something?" Sonny asked. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"What? No. Of course not."

"It's just recently you… I've felt like you were avoiding me. And when Paul said he was setting you up with Neil, I—"

"I can't keep running to you every time I have a question or need something doing," Will said firmly. "I need to start standing on my own two feet. And yeah, I'm probably going to screw things up – seems to be my way of doing things – but they need to be my mistakes, Sonny. Plus you have your own life to live and a husband that you must have been neglecting to spend so much time with me—"

"I like spending time with you," Sonny said before he could stop himself.

There was a silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Sonny thought they'd been cut off until he heard Will's gentle breathing.

"I need to do this myself," Will said eventually. "Please, Sonny."

"OK."

"Just… give me some space. And some time."

"If you're sure that's what you want?"

"It's what I need," Will replied. "Enjoy the rest of your night."

"You too," Sonny said before the call was disconnected.

While he waited for Paul to finish in the shower he made a drink, took one sip and then poured the rest away, suddenly not wanting it any more. He tidied up some papers that really didn't need tidying and folded clothes that were headed for the laundry hamper. He took off his jacket, tie, toed off his shoes and pulled off his socks. He undid the belt and pulled it free, dropping it somewhere he wasn't paying attention to.

As he sat on the bed he undid the cuffs and top buttons of his shirt before he heard a phone buzz. He got up and retrieved it from the counter where Paul had dropped it. The text notification was from Neil, thanking him for setting up the date with Will. He grabbed his own phone and loaded up Facebook, already suspecting what he was about to find.

_**Will Horton** is in a relationship with **Neil Hultgren.** _

"Everything OK?" Paul asked.

"Text from Neil, saying thanks," Sonny replied, putting the phones down. He turned to face Paul and smiled. "Looks like good nights were had all 'round."

"Hopefully we're not done yet?"

"I love you," Sonny said.

"I love you too," Paul replied with a hint of confusion in his voice. "You OK?"

"I… will be. I know I've been a little… emotionally distant lately. And I'm sorry, it stops now. I promise."

"It's OK."

"No, it's not," Sonny said, moving over to him. "I've not been focused on what I should have been and that stops. Right now. From here on out it's all about us and our marriage. I promise."

"Sounds good," Paul said as Sonny's hands came to rest on his hips where the towel was wrapped around him. "We should date more often if this is the result."

"Oh shut up," Sonny laughed as he pushed Paul onto the bed, pulling the towel away as he did so.

It was simple to make all the right moves and touches, Sonny knew exactly how to make Paul move and gasp underneath him. But at some point, pressed up against Paul's back, Sonny let his eyes drift shut. He buried his face in the crook of Paul's neck, whispered his name over and over, trying to anchor himself in this moment, this bed, with this man.

He loved his husband. He was in love with the man he proposed to, the man he married, the man he was building a life with. He was in love with the man in this bed, in this moment with him. He was _not_ falling in love with someone else. 

###

"Sonny not working today?" Abi asked as Paul handed her the drink.

"No," he said. "Too much paperwork so I've locked him in at home. He can come out to play once it's finished."

"You're such a taskmaster," she laughed.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something," Paul said, leaning in closer to her as if he were about to share some deep, dark secret.

"What?"

"Why did you lie to me about what you and Sonny were talking about the other week? You said it was about Will's crush, but Sonny had no idea what I was talking about."

"I…" Abi stammered.

"And it's not my birthday, or our anniversary, so it can't be anything linked to a surprise for me. So what was so secret you had to lie to me?"

"I'm sorry," Abi said, "I really am. It was… personal. Private."

"About you?"

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I like you, it's just I've known Sonny my whole life, we're really close—"

"Abi," Paul said firmly. "Please don't treat me like an idiot. You think I haven't noticed how Sonny's been acting? You think I'm so naïve that I haven't realised how distracted he is, how much of an effort it is for him to do something intimate or romantic with me. Just… answer me this one question, honestly please. Is Sonny happy?"

"He loves you, Paul—"

"That wasn't my question, and the fact you're trying to avoid answering it is pretty much giving me my answer, isn't it?"

"He was… struggling," Abi said. "You really should talk to him about this."

"You think I haven't tried?" Paul responded.

"I know Sonny," Abi said pointedly. "He loves you. Whatever else is going on, you have that."

"Yeah, but love isn't enough to keep a marriage going. You have to want to be in that marriage in the first place."

"You think Sonny doesn't want to be married to you?"

"I think he's rethinking a lot of things. I think he's re-evaluating and he's not talking to me about what he's considering which makes me wonder if I'm one of the things he's reconsidering."

"You don't know that," Abi said.

"I know him," Paul replied sadly, "so I do know that. I know that for a while now my husband… hasn't felt like my husband, and I think I know the reason why."

"Why?"

"I don't want to get you more involved in this than you are," he said. "I know why you tried to protect them, but please… no more."

"Them?" Abi picked up on. "Who else would I… Paul?" she called out after him as he walked away.

###

Sonny looked up as Paul walked in, and then gestured to the papers in front of him. "Nearly done," he said. "Although I love that you're checking up on me." He smiled and went back to the sheet in front of him, writing in the last of the numbers he'd worked out.

"Are you having an affair?"

The pen stilled in Sonny's hand but he didn't look up.

"I know you heard me, so your silence means one of two things. One, you are having an affair and you're waiting to see how much I know. Two, you're not, but you want to and again, you want to see how much I know."

"Three," Sonny said carefully, "none of the above."

"Don't treat me like an idiot, Sonny. I know something is wrong and it has been for a while."

"And that means I'm having an affair?"

"You're distant, you're barely interested in us—"

"We've been _dating_ ," Sonny all but yelled. "Proper, romantic dates—"

"During which you have had to try, _really_ hard. Don't think I didn't notice. I've seen that look on your face before, back in San Francisco. We'd go out somewhere and we couldn't be open about who we were to each other, and every time you had to force yourself to do something that went against what you were feeling you got this… look in your eye. I've been seeing that look a lot."

"Paul—"

"And then there's the sex."

"What?"

"Just… tell me if you're sleeping with someone else."

"I am not sleeping with anyone. Except you of course. I am not having an affair, nor am I planning one. Where the hell has this come from, Paul?"

"What do you expect me to think when you're more invested in Will's love life than you are our own?" Paul shouted. "You are always asking after him and Neil, checking in on their dates, and don't think I don't know you went after him at the restaurant that night. You're just—" Paul stopped mid-sentence and looked up at him. "You're in love with him."


	7. Chapter 7

"What would you do, hypothetically speaking," Will said, knowing he wasn't fooling her, "if you fell for someone you couldn't have?"

"Try to move on," Gabi said.

"Is it hard?"

"You want to know how hard it was to get over you?" she laughed.

"Not like… not in that way," he replied with his own laugh. "It's just… I know you wanted more from me than I could give you, and I know that I hurt you."

"You didn't mean to, I know that."

"That's not what I… I'm not trying to say…" He stammered and restarted a few times before deciding on, "When they can't give you what you want, how do you make those feelings go away?"

"Time," she said. "Time, space… someone else maybe?"

"Wait, are you seeing someone?"

"No," Gabi said, pulling a face. "But I'm not ruling it out either. I know there's someone out there for me, same as I know there's someone out there for you. Someone who will be good enough to be with you. What?" she asked when she saw the confused look on his face. "I can't want you to be happy? I still care about you, Will."

"But why?"

"Because that's how love works," she smiled, reaching across the table for his hand. "I don't think it ever really goes away, not if you truly love someone. It changes, sure. The way I love you now isn't the same way I loved you before. But gay or not, you were my first love. First proper love anyway. You always will be."

"You too. For me, I mean. And as weird as this is to say, I love you too."

"And… maybe someone else?" she prompted.

"I don't know," Will said, ducking his head. "Maybe? But in any case it won't go anywhere."

"Why not?"

"Because he's not interested in me like that. Because he can't be."

"Oh my god, did you fall for a straight guy?" Gabi exclaimed before she could stop herself. "Sorry, that came out wrong."

"Doesn't matter what he is, he doesn't see me as anything other than a friend. But he's all I can think about and it's driving me crazy."

"I'm guessing this isn't the Neil guy you've been seeing recently," Gabi said. "Does he know? Neil? That he's a rebound guy?"

"I don't want him to be," Will said. "I like him and he's really nice. The fact that he's even willing to be seen with me after how I treated him is proof of that. He's much better than I deserve anyway, and at least he's single."

"You deserve plenty, Will," Gabi countered, "and you will have it with the person you are meant to have it with."

"I wish I had your faith and optimism."

"I know right now it probably feels like everything is going against you, but I have a feeling your luck is going to change."

"Oh really?" Will teased, grinning at her. "Anything else you have a feeling about?"

"Are you mocking me?"

"I would never do such a thing," he replied. "I know… I just need to get over this guy. Get him out of my head."

"Time and space," Gabi said.

"Time I can do, space is… a little harder, but I can make sure I don't see him all the time or spend too much time with him. And one day, maybe I won't feel this way?"

"That's the hope," Gabi laughed. "Look. Whatever the deal is with this guy… You deserve someone who is going to care about you the way you should be. And I know he's out there. Some guy is going to put you first and all of this? We're going to look back on this and laugh about you worrying over nothing."

"Nothing," Will repeated. "Accurate description of my love life."

"Says the one with a boyfriend," she countered. "No one said that love has to be fireworks from the first moment. Sometimes these things sneak up on you and one day you turn around and you can't imagine your life without someone."

"Yeah, and which novel did you get that from?" Will teased.

"You know what? I lied before. I am totally over you and I don't care about you. Not one bit."

"Right," Will laughed. "Good to know."

"But seriously. We have to believe that it's going to happen for us one day," she said, "otherwise what's the point? We spend our whole lives being miserable? Not interested in that life at all."

"Me either."

"So… here's to us finding those men who are out there, just waiting for us to come along and make their lives perfect."

"You have such a high opinion of us."

"Why not? We deserve it. We deserve love and respect and someone who is going to treat us the way that we should be treated."

Will smiled at her. "You really were the perfect girlfriend."

"I know," she grinned.

###

As Will rounded the hallway corner he was so busy trying to dig his keys out from the bottom of his bag that he nearly didn't see the person sat on the floor until he pretty much tripped over them.

"What the hell?" he snapped before he saw who it was. "Sonny? Everything OK?"

"I… have no idea anymore," he said.

"What are you doing here?"

"I… have no idea," Sonny repeated with a hollow laugh. "Paul and I had a fight. I walked out."

"A fight? What about?"

"Can I… can I come in?" Sonny asked. "This isn't something I think we should talk about in the hallway."

"Yeah, sure," Will said, instantly forgetting his plan to put space between them. He unlocked the door and let Sonny in first before closing it behind them. "What happened?"

"Things have been… difficult for a while now," Sonny said. "And I have been trying, I really have, but that's not enough for Paul."

"What happened?" Will asked as he pulled off his jacket.

"Apparently I'm not invested in our marriage any more. Apparently I'm 'distracted'," he said, adding the air quotes as he talked. "I'm more invested in your relationship with Neil than I am my own and that's because…"

"Because what?" Will prompted.

"Because you and I are having an affair according to him. Apparently."

Whatever Will was expecting Sonny to tell him, that was pretty far down the list. Somewhere towards the bottom, maybe. If it was on the list at all. He couldn't understand why Paul would say that, knowing what he knew. How could he accuse them of having an affair when he knew, when Will had _promised_ that he wouldn't act on how he felt? And what did that mean about Sonny? Did Paul think that Sonny felt—oh god, what did Sonny say or do to make him think that?

Just at the point where Will felt like his heart was about to implode he remembered that Sonny was there, in the room with him, and was now watching him intently.

"Oh my god," Sonny said, very quietly.

"Sonny—"

"How long?"

Will opened his mouth to object, a million stories and scenarios playing through his mind but when it came to it he was unable to say anything.

"How long?" Sonny asked again.

"I… can't remember," Will sighed. "But it's not a big thing, it doesn't have to be a big thing. It's a stupid crush, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't have to be anything."

"Oh my god…"

"Please don't hate me," Will pleaded. "I can cope with anything, I will deal with this and get over this but please don't hate me for it. You think I wanted to feel like this? Falling for my married best friend it's… it's, well, Will Horton level of stupid. But I'm not my mom, I am not doing anything about this and Paul knows that, I told him—"

"Wait, _Paul_ knows?" Sonny interrupted. "How does he know?"

"I don't know, he worked it out? I really wasn't in the mood to ask questions, was kinda wanting the ground to swallow me whole. Not unlike now to be honest," he mumbled, sinking onto the bed. "This is not how I wanted this to go."

"And how did you want this to go?" Sonny asked gently.

"I didn't," Will said. "It's not something you really want to brag about, that I'm pathetic enough to fall for pretty much the one guy I have zero chance with."

"Will—"

"Can you just… go? Please?"

"Not until we talk about this."

"There is nothing to talk about," Will said, getting to his feet. "Whatever is going on with you and Paul, it's got nothing to do with me. I don't want anything to do with it. I'm trying really hard to get over you, and I can't be… caught up in this. I can't. It hurts too much to… Why do you think I've been keeping my distance?

"Go home, Sonny. Talk about it with Paul. Whatever it is that's making him think that you and I are a thing? Tell him he's wrong. Tell him whatever you need to tell him to fix your marriage. I don't care, just… leave me out of it."

"Will—"

"I mean it, Sonny. This is awkward enough, this is… hard enough as it is. Please, just… go?"

Sonny took a couple of steps towards the door, then stopped. "Will," he said firmly. When Will didn't respond he took a step closer to him. "Will," he repeated, his voice a little softer.

"Just go," Will whispered, looking up at him. "Please."

Sonny gave a small shake of his head before moving forward, his hand quickly snaking around Will's waist to his back, pulling them flush together. Before either of them could talk themselves out of it, Sonny had kissed Will and within a second Will was kissing him back.

It was nothing like Will had imagined it to be. There was no gentle, easing into of a moment, no prolonged period of eye contact before it happened. It just happened. And it felt like the most natural thing in the world to him.

Will stumbled back a step, pulling Sonny away from the door but Sonny counted, pushing back until Will was against the wall and Sonny's body was hard against him. The kiss continued, Will's hands grabbing at anything that gave him hold; Sonny's shirt, his face, fingers through his hair and holding him close because if he let go then maybe he would wake up from this perfect dream.

Sonny pressed in further, removing what little space remained between them, and Will found his body responding on instinct. A slight shift, a move, and Sonny's leg was between his. He hadn't imagined how perfect it would be to have another body in his space like this.

And then Sonny moved.

Will's breath stuck in his throat as he felt Sonny press up against him, setting a rhythm and pace that was beyond Will's own creation. He found his body responding in ways he'd only dreamed of and it was everything he'd ever dreamed of, ever wanted. Sonny's body against his, his hands on him, pulling at his shirt to find the skin underneath. He gasped, feeling the unmistakable hardening against his leg…

…and he pushed away, hard.

"No," he panted, his hands firm on Sonny's chest to keep him at arm's length. "No, we… we can't…"

"Will…" Sonny panted, his body twitching in Will's direction. Every cell of him wanted to be closer, needed to be closer.

"Please, go," Will said. "We can't do this. I can't do this. I can't be that guy."

"This is why you backed off," Sonny said. "This is why you stopped coming into the coffee house."

"I can't be near you," Will said. "I… I want this. Too much. And I can't have it, I can't have you."

"But—"

"What? Are you going to leave Paul? For me?" When Sonny said nothing, Will dropped his hands, wrapping his arms around himself. "Exactly. This… this can't happen and you know it. Go home, Sonny. Go home and… let me get over you. Let me get on with my life and leave me be."

Unable to say anything, Sonny stepped back, nodded, and then left. Will started to count in his head – _one, two, three_ … When he reached ten, certain that Sonny was gone and not coming back, he let himself start to cry.

###

Paul was sitting at the table when Sonny got back. He didn't say anything or do anything, didn't even look up at him.

"I wasn't sure if you were coming back tonight," Paul said. "Or ever."

"I needed to clear my head."

"Right," Paul said, his tone obvious.

"You think I was with Will."

"Weren't you?"

"Where has this come from?" Sonny asked, changing the subject. "Why do you think I'm… having an affair?"

"Because you've been distant," Paul said, "and even when you are here with me you're not really… _here_. At first I believed you when you said it was work and the stress of moving, setting up the business… But it's more than that. It's… I don't know if you still love me or not."

"I do love you," Sonny said, and he meant it. "I have always loved you. I asked you to marry me, Paul."

"Then," Paul said.

"You think that just goes away? It doesn’t."

"Feels like it has. Feels like…"

"Like I'm in love with someone else?"

"What else am I supposed to think? You show more interest in Will than you do me."

"Is that what this is about?"

"You still haven't given me an answer," Paul said. "Are you in love with Will Horton?"

"I'm in love with my husband," Sonny replied. "I have been for a long time. I have been… a shitty husband at times, but I am not having an affair, not with Will, not with anyone."

"But the way you are with Will—"

"You don't get it, do you?" Sonny said. "I see you in him. He's newly out, he's finding himself. He's where you were in a way."

"You fell in love with me."

"I still love you."

"So why doesn't it feel like that anymore?" Paul asked. "Why do I feel like Will gets more of you than I do? Why does it feel like you're having to make such an effort with me all the time over things that should be effortless?"

"Because… because we are not OK," Sonny realised. "We are not OK."

"No, we're not," Paul agreed. "And I don't know how we can fix this. That is, if you want to?"

"Do you want to?" Sonny asked, Will's words still ringing in his ears. _"Are you going to leave Paul? For me?"_

"How can you ask me that?"

"Because you're the one accusing me of having an affair. Doesn't sound like you trust me very much."

"This isn't about me," Paul said, getting to his feet so quickly the chair fell over, "don't you dare make this about me."

"Oh, so it's all _my_ fault?" Sonny bit back with. "Is that what you're thinking? All down to Sonny and the attention he pays someone else—"

"You should be paying attention to _me_ , Sonny. I'm your husband! I'm supposed to come first!"

"Can you even hear yourself? You're feeling… what? Neglected? Left out? Well I'm sorry if I thought you could cope without me being around twenty-four-seven."

"I'd settle for you being around some of the time. But there's always something, or someone—"

"And we're back to Will," Sonny said. "Seriously, you need to let this go. I am not having an affair with Will Horton."

"But you are in love with him."

"Where has this idea come from?"

"You," Paul said. "I see how you look at him. I see how you are around him. I know you miss him when he's not about—"

"He's my friend, he's actually sort of family, and I care about him. Of course I miss him when he's not around, same as I know you miss your teammates and friends from San Francisco. When we first moved here? You walked around with a cloud over your head for _months_ but I knew it was just because you were adjusting. You missed the life we had and you felt like you had lost so much. You wanted to be there, doing all the things you knew you could do.

"But that's not how life went for you. You came out, your shoulder started to go, and then that was it: over. And yeah, maybe you coming out was the real reason you got dropped but that's how life is."

"This isn't about me, Sonny."

"Isn't it? Since we came back you have tried to find something to do with your time and your money and what have you come up with? Invested in a business that I am running. Projects at the University which have your name on but no input. You coach Little League once a week and… what else? Nothing. That's it. I am all you have in your life, Paul, but you are not the only person in mine.

"Yes, you come first. You are my husband and I love you, but you cannot _always_ come first. We cannot spend our lives in each other's orbits and only surfacing for occasional interactions with other people? And we both know how much time and support Will has needed, and I was not about to turn my back on him."

"So you think this is all my fault?"

"You were blaming me a minute ago," Sonny pointed out. "I guess… I guess we are both bad at this."

"We weren't like this in San Francisco."

"We weren't like this though. That was new, exciting. But I know I hated sitting around and waiting for you in hotel rooms."

"You never said—"

"Because there were bigger things going on. And I knew it wouldn't be forever. It couldn't be forever because relationships don't last that way."

"So this is my fault," Paul said.

"No," Sonny enthused, moving towards him. "This is _our_ fault. We have… let things get in the way."

"Let people get in the way."

"Don't, don't do that. Don't drag Will into this."

"How can I not when he's right in the middle of whatever it is you're doing? I bet you were with him just now."

"Why do you keep on doing that?" Sonny yelled. "Why are you so determined to believe that I'm cheating on you?"

"Because then I would know what I'm dealing with!" Paul yelled back. "At least then I would know what I'm up against, what I'm fighting. But right now this? This is killing me."

"Paul—"

"So just… be honest with me, Sonny. Please. You tell me that you love me—"

"I do!"

"Then if you love me… be honest with me."

"I _am_ ," Sonny said. "I am _not_ having an affair with Will."

"OK, I believe you," Paul said. "But do you want to? I mean… are you in love him?"

"I…" Sonny started, unsure of how he was going to finish that sentence. "Paul…"

Before he could say anything the phone started to ring.

"Leave it," Paul said. "This is more important."

"It's your grandfather," Sonny said, noticing the caller ID. "Paul…"

"Yeah, I know, can barely work the remote for the DVR, let alone a cell," Paul said, already reaching for the phone.

Sonny knew that whatever was about to be said in that call wasn't going to be good news, but it was better than the answer he'd been about to give.

_Yeah. I think I am._

###

"I've been practicing this all the way over," Will announced as soon as he walked into the coffee house, "so just… let me say it, please?"

Sonny, still surprised to see him here and this early, simply nodded.

"Last night… shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake, it is a mistake, and I can't do that again, Sonny. I just can't. How I feel… I need to get over you, I am going to get over you. And you're married and Paul and… I should have written this down," he finished with a soft laugh. "You do this to me, you make me forget everything that I want to say and it's just…"

"Just what?" Sonny prompted.

"It's hard. Being around you, being near you. And I can't do it, Sonny. I can't be around you while all this is going on in my head. I'm not that guy, I'm not going to be that guy. My parents? Yeah, they'd probably not think twice about acting on these feelings but I'm not going to be like them. I promised Paul I wouldn't, and I need to stick to that promise.

"I like Neil, I really do. And I think he could be good for me. Help me get you out of my head. But you need to help me with that too. You need to—I need to put some distance between us. Please."

"OK," Sonny said, "but can I ask you something first?"

"What?" Will asked, already glancing towards the door.

"Did you notice that I was the one to kiss you?"

"Sonny—"

"You're going on about this like you were the one to push things, to cross the line. But," he said, moving closer to Will, " _I_ kissed _you_."

"I didn't exactly push you away," Will said quietly. "I should have."

"Is that what you're doing now?"

"I…"

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Son…"

"Because last night Paul asked me if I was in love with you, and I couldn't tell him I wasn't."

At that Will steeled himself to meet and hold Sonny's gaze. Whatever objections he had before disappeared and when Sonny moved in for the kiss he was right there with him, his hands reaching up to Sonny's jaw line, his cheek, up into his hair as he got a repeat of the kiss which had haunted his dreams last night.

"Sonny—" Will broke the kiss, moving his hands to Sonny's chest and keeping him at a safer, non-kissable distance. "I can't do this. Not like this."

"If you're asking me if I'd leave Paul for you—"

"No, that's not what I'm asking. That's not what you should do. Leave him if you want to leave him. That shouldn't be down to me."

"Will—"

"I mean it, Son, you need to decide what's right for you, who is right—"

"Enough," Sonny said, silencing him with a kiss. "Does that answer your question?"

"…Yeah," Will said with a soft laugh. "So… what now? Are you… I mean… do you want me to come with you? Or would that be—"

"Will," Sonny said gently, "you need to know something."

"I… what?" Will asked. "Oh god, no… I meant it, Sonny… I'm not—"

"I will tell him, I promise."

"Just not now? Why not?"

"Because last night Paul's grandfather called—"

"The guy who can barely work a DVR?"

"Yeah," Sonny said. "Paul's dad was rushed into hospital. He needs to get to San Francisco, Uncle Vic is letting us take the jet because it looks… So I can't. Not now."

"No," Will said, stepping back out of Sonny's reach. "No, I get it. You can't, but until you do…"

"OK, OK, that's… OK, I get it," Sonny said. "But I will, I promise. As soon as I can."

"Any idea when that will be?"

"Depends on what happens with his dad," Sonny said. "I came in early to set things up for us going away which is really hard when you have no idea how long you're going to be gone for."

"Well, when you've figured stuff out and want to let me know where I stand—"

"Don’t," Sonny said sharply, moving back towards Will. "You want to know where you stand with me? I can't stop thinking about you. When you first backed off, which now I get why, I missed you like I was actually missing a part of myself. I have _never_ known an ache like it, Will. Never. And last night, being with you? It was the first time in so long that I have actually felt alive, like I could actually connect with someone I wanted to be with.

"Where do you stand with me? I… have no idea, Will. I have no idea what this thing is between us and I have no idea where it could go. But I know that I want to find out. I also know what that means… what I have to do."

"And you're OK with that? Even if it means your marriage is over?"

"Last night my husband asked me if I was in love with someone else. I think that probably means my marriage is pretty much over anyway."

"Pretty much isn't good enough," Will said. "I meant what I said."

"I know. And you're right. We… we can't do that to him. I won't do that to him. Whatever else… I still care about him."

"Do you love him?"

"Not in the way I should," Sonny countered. "Is that enough?"

"Only you get to decide that," Will said. "I'm not going to tell you what to do about your marriage or how you should be feeling—"

"I know, I know," Sonny interrupted. "Will, I…" He didn't know what to say to finish that sentence, so he did the only thing he could to express what he was feeling: he kissed him. Once, gently, his hands finding and clasping Will's. "As soon as I can, I promise."

Will nodded once. "I still want to wish you a good trip, is that weird?" he laughed. "No matter what, I wouldn't wish… Not on anyone."

"I know."

"You know what makes this worse? I actually like Paul. He's a good guy, and he really helped me. Knowing that 'it gets better' isn't just a phrase? I just… I can't believe I'm doing this to him."

"We're doing this," Sonny corrected. "You and me both. And you're not the one who's married."

"Doesn't make me any less guilty. Certainly feel it."

"It'll be fine. Once everything is… sorted. Settled. We'll be OK."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"We'll be OK," Sonny repeated. "I know it."

"Maybe," Will smiled. "But until he knows…"

"I know, I know."

"I know it's stupid, but—"

"It's not stupid," Sonny said, kissing Will again.

"Let me know when you're coming back," Will said. "If nothing else, I'd like to be prepared for when he tries to kill me."

"He won't."

"You sure about that?" Will said. "Anyway, I should let you finish up. You have a plane to catch."

"I'll stay in touch—"

"Don't," Will said. "Please. It'd just make this harder. This isn't an affair, Sonny. This is… waiting."

"Waiting," Sonny repeated. "OK."

"OK," Will said. He half turned to leave but then stopped. For a second he seemed to think about it, but then he kissed Sonny with a kiss that his dreams had been filled with. "I'll see you when you get back."

"Yeah, you will," Sonny smiled.

###

Across town, with bags half packed, Paul pulled down the screen on the laptop and clenched his jaw. His gaze fell on the passports on his desk and he picked up Sonny's. He flicked through page after page, looking at stamps and visas. Each of them a story, each of them a moment in his history, in their history.

He turned to the page with the Australia entrance stamp, dated a few days after their wedding. They'd cuddled up in Business, laughing softly as the seats were reclined to beds for the overnight, joked about getting into one together. When Sonny had slept, Paul had watched him, and had been overwhelmed with how much love he could feel for another person. He knew would take anything that came to him in the wake of him coming out, he would take what came if he could keep this man next to him.

He still loved Sonny, still felt that same rush when he looked at his husband. And he would still do _anything_ to be able to turn over and watch him sleep again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Can I have a word?"

Will looked up from his books in surprise. "Um, sure, yeah," he said as Paul took a seat across from him. There were only a handful of people in the pub which is why it was a good choice for studying. That, and his Grandma Caroline's insistence on keeping him supplied with fresh coffee and snacks.

"Are you OK?"

"Just… surprised to see you. I… ran into Sonny this morning, he told me. I'm sorry."

"Dad's been ill for a while," Paul said, "so it's not as if I didn't see this coming."

"Still…"

"Yeah. Still."

"If there's anything I can do—"

"Yeah, there is. Well, more like something I need you to know. I feel like you only have half the story about Sonny, and I wanted to make sure that you fully understood the situation."

"What situation?"

"Sonny… he… He's a good guy, a great guy. One of the best I've ever known, it's part of the reason I love him so much. And another part of that is how much he's willing to help others. After I came out there was a lot of stuff going on with GLAAD and the Trevor Project, and suddenly we were being held up as these shining examples of how it does get better. Kids wrote to me, telling me how I had given them the confidence to come out and be honest, and I wrote back to as many as I could.

"Sonny wrote to some as well. He did mostly the ones where they talked about finding love and being happy. He told them the same thing, over and over, the story of how we fell in love and how it was all working out for us.

"This one guy, Joe, he got to Sonny for some reason. He came to a couple of games and they got to talking, I guess Sonny saw a lot of himself in this kid. I know that Sonny helped him a lot, and I love him for that. But…" Paul waited for a second before continuing. "What we never made public was how much it affected us, me coming out. Suddenly we went from sneaking around hotel rooms and arriving separately at events and back entrances, to red carpets and photo calls and everyone wanting to know everything about Sonny.

"He didn't take to it well, and I was so caught up in dealing with all of the press and the fallout and my team's reactions that we lost track of each other. We drifted a bit. And so when Joe came along? I think Sonny saw him as a distraction, something to focus on other than his relationship with me.

"Nothing happened between them, if that's what you're thinking," Paul clarified, "but Joe… He got attached. Sonny was showing him attention and care that he wasn't getting anywhere else and he got attached. And afterwards, when it was all over, Sonny told me… he said that he was flattered by it. Because of everything that was going on I took my eye off the relationship and Sonny was… distracted.

"I'm only telling you this so you know, so you understand why I acted the way that I did when you told me how you felt. I know how Sonny is with you, I know how you see that… but that's just him. And right now, things are… distracting," he said. "But I'm not taking my eye off our marriage, I love him too much for that."

"I know," Will said dumbly, his mind racing.

"You respect that, I know you do. And that means a lot to me, Will, it really does, because who knows what kind of damage could be done here. Sonny gets… distracted. Rather he lets himself be distracted and I don't want you thinking that it means something."

"What means something?" Will asked.

"I know you… care about him. And he does care about you, I know he does. Same way I do. Last night he said that in some ways you're like me," Paul added with a small smile. "Newly out, scared, needing support."

"You think I remind Sonny of you?"

"I think your situation does," Paul clarified. "And that's not a bad thing."

"No—"

"But with my dad being ill, it's clarified a few things for us," Paul continued. "Last night… we talked, properly talked, and I think we're going to be OK. So there will be… less room for distracting, if that makes sense? I just don't want you to think that it was something you did, or that you've… I don't know, scared him off or something."

"Why would I think that?"

"I don't know, but I wanted to be clear. Son and I… we have a history. A long, deep one, and we love each other. Which is why we put each other first. It's why he's coming with me, it's why we're going in the Kiriakis jet. Cuts almost twenty minutes off the flight time, quicker passage through airports so we'll be there in a little over an hour. I'll be honest, I… I don't know what I'd do without his support. Things haven't been great with my family, but he's still coming with me, even though it means leaving the business.

"You just can't fake that kind of support." On that note, Paul stood up. "I should let you get back to your studies. Sorry to interrupt, I just thought you should know where you stand. Where we all stand."

"I know," Will said. "And… thank you. I hope your dad gets better soon."

"Thanks," Paul said. "Hey, how are things with you and Neil?"

"Good," Will said. "Yeah, really good."

"You seeing him again soon?"

"Tonight," Will said. "It's… a big date."

"Well, have fun. He's… he's a great guy, Will. He'll be good for you, do right by you. He's someone you can… really be with, I guess," he finished with a soft laugh. "Take care."

Without a second look back he walked out of the pub and headed straight for the square, greeting the waiting Sonny with a kiss.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, "ran into Will by the pub."

"Yeah?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah. Talked about his big date with Neil."

"What big date?" Sonny asked.

"Didn't give me any details, which in itself is a big thing," Paul said. "Oh, c'mon, Sonny. They've known each other for a long time, they've been dating for a while…"

"What? You think—?"

"I'm speculating," Paul said, "Will's sex life is his business. But you don't call it a big date unless it means something."

"I guess," Sonny said, glancing in the direction of the pub as if somehow he could see something that would clarify matters.

"Come on, we should get going. Everything sorted?"

"Yeah. Coffee house is covered, bags are packed and already on their way to the airport. Uncle Vic says we're good to go as soon as we get there."

"So let's go," Paul said, taking Sonny's hand in his and leading him away.

###

"So how are things _really_?" Adrienne asked.

"How do you do that?" Sonny replied. "Just… cut through everything."

"Joys of being a parent," she replied. "So far all you have talked about is a brief comment about Paul's father, about how strained things are with his family, how nice the hotel you're staying in is, the little bakery you've discovered—"

"I hate you," Sonny laughed.

"No, you love me and my ability to see through your attempts to cover, and my ability to know why you really called."

"I'm just… missing home," Sonny said. "Summer by the lake, hanging out with my friends. Don't get me wrong, it's nice being back here but… it's not home. Not anymore."

"I know, baby."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Adrienne asked.

"Say that when I know you mean something else."

"Because that's what you need to hear. You can talk to me about anything, baby, you know that."

"Is it supposed to be this hard?" Sonny asked. "It's just… Things were easier before. When we were here, when we were travelling after getting married… How do you do this, Mom? How do you get through this?"

"The first year is… tough," Adrienne said. "Mind you, people say that about the second and third and every year after that."

"Mom—"

"Marriage is hard work sometimes, baby, but it's so worth it. You come through the rough patches and you're just… more in love with them and you're closer with them and things are better because of it."

"Really?"

"You know what your dad and I have been through," Adrienne continued. "You know that things can get better, so why are you asking me about this?"

"Because… I think I need to hear it."

"Hear what? How your dad and I came back from some serious problems? You wouldn't be here if we didn't and— Oh my god, Sonny… please. Tell me he's not."

"Tell you he's not what?"

"Sonny… is… Did Paul cheat on you?"

"What? Mom! No!" Sonny protested.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just… I know you've been really busy and since he came to Salem he's been trying to find ways to fit in and with what you were saying—"

"Mom, no. Paul has not cheated on me," Sonny said, his gut twisting in guilt.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Well… OK. But there's nothing you two can't work through if you want to, and if you put in the effort. It's what your father and I did—"

"Mom, he is not cheating on me."

"I believe you," Adrienne said, "but in my experience, marital problems all have the same root cause; you stop paying attention. You focus on someone or something other than your partner and you forget that a marriage is worked at, every day."

"I know that," Sonny said. He looked up as the hotel door opened and Paul came in. "Hey," he said. "How's—?"

"No change," Paul said. "I need a shower."

"OK," Sonny said, then went back to the call. "Sorry, Mom."

"No, it's OK. Do you need to go?"

"He's going for a shower. He had the night shift at the hospital with his mom."

"And you weren't with him?"

"Family only."

"You are family," she pointed out.

"They needed time and space," Sonny countered. "My presence was… complicating things."

"So long as you are still making time for you," Adrienne said. "I know things are difficult for Paul right now, he needs your love and support more than ever before."

"I know," Sonny said, looking over at the bathroom door when he heard the shower start up.

"The love you two share is going to be what gets him through this, no matter what the outcome. His father is in my prayers, but I know how serious this is. I know your support will mean the world to him."

"I know," Sonny said.

"It's hard, I get it," Adrienne continued, sensing the hurt in her son's voice, "but all relationships go through things like this. And making it through it will make you stronger as a couple."

"And what if we don't?" Sonny whispered, as if he were afraid that Paul might hear him. "What if we don't make it through this?"

"You will, baby. I know the boy I raised, the man he became. When you love? Oh baby… you give them everything. And Paul? He loves you. I see it every time he looks at you."

"Careful. Almost sounds like you approve."

"I do," Adrienne said. "I know mothers are supposed to think that no one is good enough for their boys, but Paul? Yeah. He'll do. He'll do just fine."

"Mom—"

"Hey, I'm allowed to like my son-in-law, even approve. But then again, I raised my boys to have good taste and to not settle for anyone who isn't right for them."

"Do you think he's right for me?"

"If he makes you happy? If he loves you the way you deserve to be loved? Then he's right for you." There was a pause on the other end of the line before she asked, "Are you happy?"

"Mom—"

"I know things are hard right now, I know things are difficult… But are you happy?"

Absent-mindedly, Sonny had opened a browser window and had loaded Facebook. A post by Will, a link to a music festival happening in Salem that summer, appeared at the top of his feed and he couldn't help but smile.

"I will be, Mom," he said. "I know it."

"OK," she said. "Well, you know where I am if you need me. For anything. I love you."

"I love you too," Sonny said before ending the call.

He waited a second before clicking _like_ on the post, hoping that it would prompt Will to leave a comment or send him a message. In the near two weeks since he'd left Salem he'd heard nothing from Will, either publically or privately. His texts had gone unanswered and even his vague comments to Abi had not got him anywhere. All anyone would tell him was "he's fine" and there was nothing more.

Will's profile still declared, almost mockingly, his relationship status with Neil, but there had been no posts or comments from the boyfriend for longer than two weeks. He clicked into the reply box on the festival post and typed a quick comment, hitting enter before he could change his mind.

**_Looks great – hopefully back in time for it? Let me know when tickets are on sale. :)_ **

He was aware of the shower stopping and so he closed the browser, got up from the desk and started to make a small pot of coffee with the in-room facilities. When Paul came out he was already partially dressed, and he grabbed a clean shirt without even pausing to look at his husband. Sonny offered him a mug of coffee without a word, it was accepted as quietly, and they prepared for their morning in an uncomfortable silence.

When Sonny checked his notifications that lunchtime there was still nothing from Will.

###

One time when Sonny went to stretch his legs he waved his cell at Paul, showing the incoming call from his father. He joked that there would be two reasons for his father to call; to make sure that they were OK, or because something had "blown up" in their absence. Mid-call he regretted his choice of words and barely had time to tell Paul where he was going before he was out of there.

###

Will sank to the ground, his head racing with everything that had happened. All he needed, wanted, was some space to process everything and he found it in the gardens. Briefly in any case.

"Will!"

He looked up, hearing the last voice he expected to hear, and was on his feet in seconds.

"Sonny, what—"

But he could say nothing else before Sonny had pulled him up into a hug. "I was so worried," Sonny said, holding Will in tightly against his body. "I tried calling—"

"Cell service was shot," Will mumbled into Sonny's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault."

"No… I meant…" He pulled back and looked at Sonny in shock. "Oh god, Son—Has no one told you?"

"What?" Sonny said, then stopped. "Yeah. I know. Dad told me."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's Mom I'm worried about," Sonny said, his hand moving to Will's cheek. "After you."

"Son—"

"I was on the plane as soon as I heard, as soon as I could. I had to be here, I had to see you, I had to know you were OK."

"Son—"

"I had to be here," Sonny said, holding Will's face in his hands.

"Paul—"

"Is still in San Francisco. And I swear I'm going to tell him. Now if I have to. I will call him and tell him because I can't…"

"Can't what?" Will asked when Sonny trailed off.

"I was so scared that I'd lost you," Sonny whispered. "I was on the phone to Dad when the explosion hit. The second one I mean, he'd called me to tell me about the 'earthquake'. And I just… I was so scared," he whispered. "I can't lose you, Will."

"I'm not yours to lose," Will pointed out. "Sonny…"

Sonny silenced him with a kiss, but Will pulled back almost immediately.

"No," he said. "No, you don't get to do this to me. You can't just… use me as a distraction because things aren't going so well for you and Paul. That's not fair. I am trying, so hard to get on with my life and you—"

"Distraction?" Sonny interrupted. "You aren't a distraction, Will. You're… you're everything. You are the _only_ person I think about. The whole flight back my stomach was in knots, I was just desperate to know you were OK, to be able to do this," he said, putting a hand on Will's chest, "and to just know for myself that you were OK. To see it, to feel it for myself. Because the idea that you weren't…"

Will studied Sonny's face, looking for a trace of anything that backed up what Paul had told him. Instead he held a gaze that was warm, full of concern and… so much more.

"I don't want to be that guy who breaks up a marriage," Will whispered.

"My marriage is over," Sonny said. "It has been for a long time."

"Still…"

"You and Neil?"

"Over. Broke up the day you left." When Sonny's brow furrowed in confusion, Will smiled. "He's barely on Facebook. I couldn't bring myself to change it… I needed to be sure."

"Of what?" Sonny asked.

Will lifted his hand, brushing the back of his fingers against Sonny's cheek. "This," he said.

"And are you?"

Will's nod was almost imperceptible, but to Sonny it was a beacon of consent. And with that he kissed him again, and again and again and held on to him as if letting him go would have him slipping away from him forever.

"Sorry," Will mumbled as he felt the vibrations in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and signed. "Dad."

Sonny nodded, but nuzzled in as Will answered the call.

"Hey, Dad… No, I'm OK… Yeah… I… OK, well the dorms at University have been cleared so I can head back there? Yeah… well… OK…"

"What?" Sonny asked as Will hung up.

"Apparently they're trying to clear the town, get everyone home if they can."

"Right."

"Should you… I mean, are your parents…?"

"Mom's with Jennifer."

"Do you want—?"

"I want to stay with you," Sonny said, kissing Will gently. "Life is far too short and I am done wasting time. If you want to."

Will ran his hands down Sonny's arms, intertwining their fingers and holding on tight for a moment. Then, almost reluctantly, he dropped one hand and led Sonny out of the gardens by the other.

###

The town was eerily quiet, the residents of Salem had retreated to homes and loved ones to assess the damage. They knew tomorrow would bring an acknowledgement of heartbreak and so tonight there seemed to a common plan to retreat with loved ones and take stock of their blessings.

A sentiment Will shared as Sonny kicked the door shut behind them, already kissing him. Sonny's hands fluttered on his shoulders, seemingly hesitant about moving anywhere that wasn't safe and neutral. Taking the lead in a moment of courage, Will's own hands moved to Sonny's chest, before pushing up to his shoulders and under the open shirt. Sonny willingly shrugged it off before moving in closer, his hands on Will's waist to pull him in.

"Are you sure?" Sonny whispered against Will's mouth.

"Very," he replied. "You?"

"More than anything," Sonny grinned before kissing him again. He started to back them towards the bed, his fingers already creeping underneath the hem of Will's t-shirt, when he stopped, feeling the unmistakable tensing of nerves. "What?"

"It's nothing, it's nothing," Will said, trying to reclaim the kiss but Sonny moved his head to evade him. "Son—"

"Tell me."

"You'll think I'm being stupid."

"Not possible," Sonny whispered. "Tell me."

"It's just… I've not… I mean… I haven't… not with anyone… and not since…"

Will's half-finished sentences were enough for Sonny, and he nodded in understanding.

"Not that I don't want to, I do, it's just if you were expecting—"

"Expecting?" Sonny cut across. "Will… It really doesn't matter to me. And if it helps, I kinda suspected."

"Not really," Will laughed self-consciously.

"Hey, we all have a first."

"Even if it's not technically a first?"

"It is if it matters to you," Sonny said.

"I just… I don't want to let you down."

"Hey, hey, hey," Sonny said quickly, taking Will's face in his hands. "Not possible, OK? Not going to happen."

"But I don't… I mean, I have some _idea_ , I guess, but—"

"OK, here's what we're going to do," Sonny said. "We are going to take this as slow as you want, and we are going to talk the whole way through it."

"The whole way?" Will said, his eyes narrowing in playful suspicion.

"Yeah, the whole way," Sonny grinned. "And you are going to tell me the second I do something you don't like. I don't want you to think twice about it, I don't want you to second guess anything, just… tell me. Promise?"

"But—"

"Promise?"

Will nodded. "OK."

"Good. There is no rule book for this, Will, no expectations whatsoever."

"I don't know, I have a few," Will said.

"Like what?"

"Like… I really want to make you come," he said before he could stop himself. "I have this one dream where you're under me and—"

He didn't get to finish that sentence as Sonny's lips were on his. They moved the rest of the way to the bed, hands pulling at shirts so they were lifted clear before they fell onto the covers, skin pressing to skin for the first time.

Sonny's weight on top of him never felt oppressive or controlling, in a way it felt liberating. Another man's body with him in the most intimate of ways, something out of his dreams but not even close to them in the same way. He pushed, rolled them, so he was on top, his legs falling astride Sonny's hips. Just like that night in this room he responded on instinct, rolling his hips down just to see what would happen.

And from the soft groan that came from Sonny's lips was what happened, and Will couldn't help but laugh a little. Sonny's hands moved decisively to his ass, grabbing, pulling, and eliciting his own gasp from Will.

"OK?" Sonny asked.

"OK," Will panted, pressing down again.

"Hey," Sonny said, interrupting Will's haphazard rhythm. "Turn over."

"What?"

"Turn over. Trust me."

"OK," Will said quietly, rolling off him and laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey," Sonny whispered as he climbed on top of Will. "Trust me. But tell me, OK?"

"OK."

Sonny started by placing a kiss on Will's lips, then traced a line down his chest, mapping the curves and lines of his abs. When he reached the waistband of his pants he hooked his thumbs and started to inch them down over Will's hips. He removed them from one leg then the other, dropping them somewhere on the floor.

"OK?" he asked, making eye contact and checking in.

"Yeah," Will breathed.

"Tell me, OK?"

Will's erection was already straining at his boxes and Sonny mouthed at it through the fabric. As soon as Sonny had pulled the fabric out of the way he moved his attention to the head, starting slow and giving Will plenty of time to object or protest.

When there was none he continued, taking in more of Will as he moved, perfectly, rhythmically, up and down the shaft. He'd barely moved his hand to Will's balls before the body under him stuttered and jerked upwards. Practice and reflex stopped him from gagging, and he was able to keep control as Will came with a cry that could only be classified as embarrassed.

"Hey, hey," Sonny said, subtly wiping the corner of his mouth as he moved back up the bed. "Look at me. Will, baby, look at me."

"No," Will protested, his arm flung over his eyes. "God—"

"You get that you coming was kinda the point, right?" Sonny laughed, resting his chin gently on his chest. "Hey, baby… look at me."

"Son—"

"It's OK."

"Yeah, but I… I mean…"

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I was going to… I wanted to… I meant to warn you."

"It's fine," Sonny laughed. "I'm OK… _really_ OK with that."

"Really?" Will asked, lifting his arm a little to look at him.

"Yeah," Sonny grinned. "Kinda hot really."

"I just… I didn't imagine it being like this. Over in minutes."

"Oh it's not over," Sonny said. "I just wanted to relax you, get you over those nerves."

"Nerves?" Will said.

"First time with a guy," Sonny said. "And you were making this into such a big deal."

"Isn't it?"

"Maybe," Sonny said with a half shrug. "But I'm not looking at it like that. I'm seeing it as our first time. And that's a little different."

"Why?"

"Because," Sonny grinned. "This is just the start of something."

Will moved his arm for a second, but then put it back as he started to laugh. He grabbed in the direction of Sonny with his free hand before Sonny obliged and moved up for a kiss. It was simple and chaste, and it wasn't until Sonny made a move to leave that Will realised why.

"No," he said, holding Sonny in place. "It's OK."

"Will, you don't—"

This time it was Will who cut off the protest with a kiss, no hesitation or doubt. So Sonny didn't hold back, kissed him as deeply and as reverently.

"I have… drawer…" Will managed to say, and Sonny reached over to pull it open.

"Prepared," he said, pulling out the small bottle and foil packets.

"I knew it would happen… some day," Will said, fighting the blush of embarrassment.

"Just… keep talking to me, OK?" Sonny said.

He pulled Will up into a sitting position, then moved them so his back was against the headboard and Will was astride his lap.

"Not liking this," Will said, his hands pulling at the waistband of Sonny's pants.

"Feel free to level the situation," Sonny grinned.

Will pulled at them, laughing as Sonny lifted and wiggled his hips to help Will strip them down, throwing them over his shoulder in a move that probably felt a lot sexier than it looked.

"C'm'ere," Sonny said, pulling Will back into his lap. He moved one hand to Will's cheek, cupping it and guiding him in for the kiss, while the other artfully reached for and uncapped the bottle. He moved his hand to the curve of Will's ass, a finger tracing the line between the cheeks.

And that freeze was more than anything before. 

"Talk to me," Sonny said.

"I just…"

"Hey, it's OK. Talk to me."

"I… tried this. A few times. I know what it's supposed to do, what it's supposed to be like, but I just… I don't…"

"It's OK," Sonny said.

"No, I want this, I do… I _really_ want this with you."

"You know we have options, right?" Sonny laughed. "It doesn't have to be… this way."

"You sure?"

"Very," Sonny smiled.

"So… what now? I mean... what do I… do I…?"

"Swap," Sonny said, and with a little shuffling soon he was sitting in Will's lap. "Kiss me."

"OK," Will grinned.

His hands soon found their way to Sonny's chest and up to his shoulder, where he found one arm was already twisted behind Sonny's back. Without a word he moved his hand down the arm to where Sonny's fingers were already pushing against himself.

"You don't—" Sonny started.

"I want to know," Will said. "I want to learn. I need to know," he added with a grin.

"Go slow," Sonny said, his fingers intertwining with Will's. "It's… been a while."

Will pulled back a little and looked at him. "You and Paul—"

"I'm not talking about him, not when I'm with you."

"No, but you said—"

"Will, focus," Sonny laughed. "Slow, OK?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," he said, moving Will's hand so that his fingers were pressed between his cheeks. "It's OK. Trust me."

"OK," Will breathed, before pressing in.

Whatever he'd thought about, whatever he'd read about, it was nothing compared to the reality of being with someone – being with _Sonny_ \- in this way. He tried to focus on everything that he was feeling but in the end all he could take in was Sonny's voice, calm and warm and just for him, words spoken between kisses as he talked to him, never down to him, guiding him through it.

He followed every word, every instruction, until he had three fingers in Sonny's ass and then, acting on instinct, he curled them. The way Sonny half gasped, half moaned above him told him that he'd found his mark and he grinned.

"If you want this to go further, you can't do that again," Sonny pretty much growled at him.

"I told you what I wanted," Will replied with a laugh.

"It's not what I want, not yet anyway," Sonny said. He reached beside them and grabbed one of the condom packets. "Not doing half a job here, Horton."

Will bit his lip and tried to think of decidedly non-sexy thoughts as Sonny rolled the condom onto him, and then added some lube. He still felt embarrassed about how quickly he'd come earlier, but as Sonny's hand left him and he shifted his hips slightly, Will realised why he had done it: with the initial desire sated he felt like this wasn't going to be over in seconds.

"Hey," Sonny said, "you with me?"

"Always," Will whispered. "God, Son, I—"

"I know," he said. "Keep talking, OK? Tell me. Promise."

"Promise," Will said. He put his hands on Sonny's hips, giving the illusion that he would have some kind of control over what was going to happen next.

Sonny held Will's gaze as he moved. "Just… take it slow, OK? Like I said, been a while."

"I think you're confusing me with someone who knows what the hell he's doing," Will said with the self-deprecating laugh he often gave that made something deep within Sonny roar and want to tell Will all the things about him that were beyond amazing.

He said none of that though, he just put it all into his actions.

There was no uncontrolled burst of passion, nothing that came from the dreams of either of them. It was slow, sensual, nothing other than loving. And when Will finally got his wish, when Sonny came, it was with the sound of Will's name in his ears.


	9. Chapter 9

"You OK?" Sonny said, tracing a finger down Will's cheek.

"No, I think… I think OK is too mild for this," he laughed softly. "It was… perfect. For me, anyway, for you—"

"No, perfect works," Sonny said.

"Really? I mean you… This wasn't your first—"

"No, no, no, don't do that. Stop doing that. Stop thinking that you're not good enough or that just because you're new to this that you—"

"Sorry," Will mumbled. "I can't help it."

"Well," Sonny whispered, shuffling in closer under the covers so that he could feel the heat from Will's body, "guess I'll have to see what I can do about this mindset of yours."

"You can try," Will said. "But you know what? If nothing else I think I get it."

"Get what?"

"Why people make such a big deal about this. Being with someone. Feeling like this? It's… it's like nothing else, Son. And please don't judge me," he added.

Before he could laugh Sonny kissed him. "No judging, I promise."

"But there's more to this, I can tell."

"This… feeling…"

"Oh god—"

"No, no, no," Sonny said, fighting under the covers to stop Will from curling in on himself and move away from him. "Me too, OK? Me too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sonny smiled.

"Well, yeah, I guess you'd know what to expect—"

"No, don't. You need, you need to stop this," Sonny said. "Because do you want to know something? This? I haven't felt this in… _years_ , Will. I mean that."

"Not even with—?"

"Not for a long time, Will."

"I—"

"This is… this is _exactly_ where I'm supposed to be," Sonny said, his finger coming to rest on Will's bottom lip, "and exactly _who_ I'm supposed to be with."

"I love you," Will said, the words tumbling past his lips and over Sonny's finger. "I'm sorry. I know it's a stupid cliché to say it now, to say it like this, but I know I'm in love with you, so in love with you that it's driving me crazy and now I'm rambling like an idiot…" He trailed off when Sonny smiled. "Sorry."

"No, don't… don't ever apologise for being you, OK? Don't feel like you need to… censor yourself or change who you are or… or be someone that you're not. Be you, be… you when you're with me," Sonny said. "Because that's the man that I fell in love with."

"…wha'?"

"You heard," Sonny laughed. "Don't ever think I don't want to be with you, or that, I don't know…"

"I'm not good enough?" Will finished.

"Yeah, that. Don't. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. I know what I'm doing, I know why I'm here."

"You know this isn't going to be easy?"

"Very few things in life worth having are," Sonny said.

"And you're OK with that?"

"If it means I get to be with you? Yes."

"OK," Will breathed, kissing him gently. "OK."

"Good," Sonny smiled.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me… forget the mess that today's created. And I don't just mean Jack."

"I heard about your mom."

"Yeah. This is… I don't think there isn't anything going on that's not either blowing up or about to blow up—" He stopped short when he realised his choice of words. "But honestly? I… I never thought I could be this happy. I am happy."

"Me too," Sonny said. "But then that tends to happen when you're with the person you love."

"There's that word again."

"Yeah, well, I want to make sure you know it. Because I love you. And tomorrow we have to deal with so much… mess… I don't want you to forget that. Ever."

"I won't," Will said. "Do you… I mean… when you tell Paul…?"

"I… don't know," Sonny admitted. "I need to speak with him tomorrow, but—"

"I get it."

"No, don't. I will tell him. I just don't know if I can do it over the phone. He deserves better."

"Whatever you need to do," Will said, "I get it. And with Uncle Jack… There isn't any rush on this, Sonny. I know it's complicated." His hand reached out under the covers and found Sonny's, linking their fingers. "But you and me? This is… This is everything I never thought that I was going to have. And if that means I need to wait? I'll wait."

"Oh, if you think I'm giving you up—" Sonny said, moving so that he was hovering above Will. "Not happening, Horton."

###

"Ready for this?" Will asked, straightening Sonny's collar.

"For what?"

"Real life? Whatever disasters await us. I wish we could just stay here, hide away together."

"Me too. But… we are needed."

"Yeah. Tell your mom I'm thinking of her."

"Yeah, same for Jennifer. From me. And your mom… I don't even know."

"Me either," Will said. "Like I said, can we just stay here?"

"I wish," Sonny laughed, grabbing Will's hips and pulling him in closer.

"Can I see you later?"

"Yeah, come by the coffee house later."

"No, I meant…"

"I know," Sonny smiled. "Come by anyway? I could… probably use the distraction."

"Yeah, me too."

"Hey." Sonny kissed him gently and held his gaze. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"And Paul—"

"It's OK, there isn't any pressure. I mean it, Sonny. I… I trust you. I believe you. And I know that you'll talk to him but things are… a bit of a mess right now, what with Uncle Jack and Paul's dad… I'm not demanding anything. I won't. It's bad enough I'm _that_ guy—"

"Will, Will, listen to me," Sonny interrupted. "I'm that guy too."

"I didn't want to do this, Paul's a good guy."

"Yeah. And this is… going to hurt."

"More than hurt," Will said. "I've seen what this does to people. Mom? She makes hurting people into an art form. Guess it runs in the family."

"You realise I have some of that too, right?" Sonny countered. "Both of my parents… slipped."

"Slipped? Is that what we're calling this?" Will laughed. "I just… Do you think we can be happy?"

"I think… we have a shot," Sonny said. "If we want it."

"Well I do. If you do…?"

"Were you not paying attention last night?" Sonny said, nodding in the direction of the bed. "I'm in this too."

"OK," Will said. He put his hand on the door handle. "Ready?"

"One last thing," Sonny said, kissing Will gently. It was soft, full of promise, and ended with a smile.

###

Somehow the world seemed a little different to Will. He could attribute it to so many different reasons; from the obvious of the explosion, the emotional of his uncle's death, through to the romantic ideal of knowing his feelings for Sonny were reciprocated. By the time Stefano had "returned from the dead", allowing his mother and EJ to come out of hiding, he'd resolved that he was going to stop wasting time trying to figure things out and he was just going to deal with things as they came.

When he walked into the coffee house it was a minute before Sonny noticed he was there, so Will was afforded the chance to just watch him. He never once faltered in his service, in his smile, even though Will knew intimately how torn up he was over everything that had happened. The exchange of texts between them all morning was evidence enough, but Will could see it in the way Sonny carried himself about the room, how his smile never fully reached his eyes—

Until he turned and saw Will. That smile was real, and it was his.

Will moved over to him and pulled him into a hug. "How is it possible that I've missed you?" he whispered.

"Tell me about it," Sonny replied, holding on that little bit tighter. "How was your day?"

"Um… eventful," Will said with a laugh, pulling back from physical contact but staying in Sonny's space. "I went to see Abi."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, they're… not good. How's your mom?"

"…Not good," Sonny said. "Dad's trying his best to be there but I don't think she knows what she wants at the moment. It's why I'm here, I just felt so useless at the house. You'll look at her and think she's doing OK, that she's accepted it, but then she'll say something or it's like she's realised he's actually gone. I think she was actually trying to be strong in front of me, like it's not OK for me to see her cry."

"And how are you?"

"I'm… distracting myself," he said. "I think half of Salem just wants to check in with each other. See friends and family and know we're all OK."

"Yeah, campus is emptying," Will said. "They've cancelled all classes this week so a lot of people are heading home."

"Don't blame them," Sonny said numbly. "Time like this you just want to be with those people that you love."

"I know what you mean," Will said, pulling Sonny back into a hug.

For a long moment they stood there, holding on to each other, until there was the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them. For a second Sonny thought that it was a customer waiting on service, but the look on Brian's face when they saw him said otherwise.

"Not even trying to be subtle about it now?" Brian asked.

"What?" Sonny asked.

"I thought more of you than this, I really did."

"I have no idea what you're—" Will started.

"You need to stay out of this," Brian cut across. "Paul is a good friend of mine and—"

This time it was Will who cut across "Oh no, no you're not doing this. You do not get to come in here and start… shouting out accusations. You know our uncle died last night, right? Our families are pretty much in a mess and you come in here and decide that we can't hug without… what? There being something more to it?"

"Will—" Sonny said, putting a hand on Will's arm.

"No, he's making a big scene about this in public so he can damn well deal with the public reaction. His mom is in bits because she lost her brother. My aunt lost her husband, our cousins lost their dad, and I know you read the papers so you know the drama my mom is caught up in. This entire town is a _mess_ right now and we can't turn to each other for a bit of support? Where's the logic in that?

"Sonny and I are friends, good friends. We care about each other and—"

"OK, OK," Brian said. "I'm sorry."

"I thought more of _you_ than this," Will said, throwing Brian's words back at him.

"OK, let's go," Sonny said, putting his hands on Will's arms and pushing him out the back towards the office. "What the hell was that?" he asked when they were alone.

"I… have no idea," Will said. "I just… I couldn't stand the idea of him thinking—"

"The truth?"

Will shot him a look. "Don't do that."

"Do what? He was right ."

"Is that how you want people to find out? Like that? Because if so we can go out there and tell everyone, you can kiss me in public and—"

"Will." Sonny's word stilled him in his tracks, and Will's face fell as he realised what – or who he sounded like.

"Oh god, I'm turning into my mother. That is _exactly_ what she would do. She would turn it on them like that, make them think they have it all wrong… Oh god, I'm Sami."

"You are not your mother," Sonny said.

"Aren't I? I'm sleeping with a married man, I'm lying to my friends about it, and even though we can both name a handful of family members who are going through hell right now, all I want to do is be with you."

"And you think that makes you a bad person?"

"Uncle Jack—"

"Is gone, and we can't do anything about that."

"We can be there for our families."

"And we will be," Sonny said, "but you know what I've learned from all this?"

"What?"

"Life is far too short and you need to grab every opportunity for happiness that you can. Because one day will be our last, and I am not going to have any regrets when that time comes."

"Well. I'm going to regret yelling at Brian like that. He didn't deserve that."

"Maybe, but I get why you did," Sonny said. "Whatever happens… it can't get out like that. Nice though some public display of affection might be."

"I know," Will laughed.

"Paul's been calling me all day," Sonny admitted suddenly. "I've been too scared to take the call."

"Why?"

"Because what if his dad's…?" He left the thought unfinished for a moment. "How can I tell him our marriage is over if he's about to bury his father? Or worse, how do I support him through this and then tell him? It'll make all of this seem like I was just sticking around out of duty."

"Isn't that what you are doing?"

"No!" Sonny protested. "I do… care about him."

"You love him," Will said, one shoulder giving an attempt at a shrug. "You wouldn't have married him if you didn't."

"I love _you_ ," Sonny countered. "But yes, a part of me still loves him. Just not how I should love my husband and the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with."

Will's brain froze at the implication of Sonny's statement, but if Sonny had realised it too he showed no sign of it. "How much longer until your shift's done?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I have a break in about ten minutes."

"Come back to my room with me," Will said. "I just…"

"Yeah, OK," Sonny nodded. "I'll meet you there?"

"Deal," Will grinned.

###

"I wish you could stay," Will said, reaching out for Sonny as he once again tried to get out of bed.

"Me too, but that really would raise suspicions," Sonny said, peeling Will's hand from his arm. "Really?"

"I want you to stay," he whined. "Stay with me."

"If I could, you know I would," Sonny said, freeing himself and starting to get dressed. "Nowhere else I'd rather be."

"I'm being pathetic, aren't I?" Will said.

Sonny pulled his shirt on and turned to look at Will. He couldn't help but laugh when he saw the pout on his face. Sonny knelt on the bed puckered his lips, angling for a kiss. "Maybe, but I love you for it."

"You keep saying that," Will said.

"What?"

"…Never mind," he said. "Go, be the dutiful son."

"I'll call you," Sonny said.

He blew Will a kiss before leaving, and then Will fell back onto the bed.

"I am _so_ screwed," he muttered.

###

Sonny turned over his phone as it lit up with the incoming call. He had no desire to see Paul's contact photo, much less to actually speak to him. Even though he'd showered and changed he could still feel Will's hands on him, taste his kiss on his lips. And even though his husband was calling for the third time that evening he still couldn't bring himself to feel guilty.

"Are you still awake?" came a voice from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

"Yes, Dad," Sonny called.

"I wanted to see how you were," Justin said, closing the door behind him. "You were quiet over dinner, barely ate a thing."

"Who there actually did eat?"

"Maybe," Justin said, "but I know you."

"I'm fine, Dad."

"Really? Can't be easy, Paul in San Francisco, you here—"

"I'm fine," Sonny snapped. "Sorry, I just… I'll be fine."

"Of course you will, you're a Kiriakis."

"Is that your response to everything?" Sonny laughed. "The Kiriakis name?"

"It's a good start. We survive. We might get knocked down, god knows we go through some tough times, but we go after what we want and we survive."

"How can everything change so quickly?" Sonny asked. "One minute you think you have everything figured out, the next—"

"That's life. And events like this? They have a habit of making people… re-evaluate things."

"What—"

"You've been ignoring Paul's calls," Justin said. "I saw you, a few times over dinner, reject him."

"I didn't think it right—"

"I'm not just talking about tonight. He called me, he was worried about you. You left as soon as you could and he's not heard anything from you since."

"Why did he call you?"

"That's not the question, is it?" Justin countered.

"I can't deal with him now, Dad. Does that make me a bad person?"

"Depends why you're avoiding him."

"I'm scared that he's going to tell me his dad has died."

"And then you'll have to go back out there? Support him? Be with him?" Justin asked, his tone heavy. "Sonny—"

"If you've something to say, say it," Sonny said firmly, getting to his feet.

"The most important thing to me is my family's happiness," Justin said, "and I believe that now, more than ever. I would give your mom anything just to see her smile, even for a moment. And I know that there is nothing, _nothing_ in this world that will take me from her side in this time. This is where I'm supposed to be, where I want to be. And I know that because I love her, that's where my instinct lies.

"And you have that same instinct in you, you always have. Moments when things were hardest, you'd be where you felt you needed to be. Where your instinct told you to be. And your instinct brought you here, took you away from Paul. You came home—"

"To my family," Sonny countered.

"Paul is your family," Justin said. "He's the family you _chose_ and you're here."

"It's… where my instincts were telling me I had to be."

"And the sooner you figure out what that means the better. For your own sake if nothing else." Justin turned towards the door, but paused. "All I care, all we care about is your happiness. It's what we've wanted for you since the moment you were born. Don't worry about us, you… take care of you. Times like this just go to show that life is far too short to waste on things that don't matter, things that don't make you happy."

"Night, Dad," Sonny said after a pause, not sure what else to say.

"Night, Sonny," Justin replied, turning back to smile before he left.

###

"I wish I could see you," Will said, his voice low and gentle. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Sonny said, moving the phone to his other ear so he could move the box more easily. "But what happened with Brian—"

"I know, I know," Will said.

"And Paul—"

"Have you spoken to him?"

"No," Sonny admitted. "I'm avoiding his calls because I'm scared that if his dad has died then I'm going to have to… How can I leave someone who's grieving? How can I tell him that I've fallen in love with someone else?"

"I'll wait," Will said. From his tone Sonny knew that he'd not meant to say it, but he meant it all the same. "I love you."

"I love you too. And I'll see you soon, I promise."

"No, Son… I love you, and I'll love you even if I never see you again. Even if you never leave him, even if you and I… we never have more than this? I will still love you, I will always love you."

"Will—"

"I know that probably makes me sound pathetic, but it's how I feel."

"It's not pathetic," Sonny said, stopping what he was doing and sitting on the edge of an unpacked box. "It's… everything. It's how I love you."

"You say that, Son, but…"

"But what?" he prompted.

"You love Paul. And I know he wasn't the first person you… But you're mine. You're my first, my only."

"And you think that means it's not good enough?" Sonny asked. "Will… I have never, _never_ loved someone the way that I love you. What you do to me…"

"What?" Will said with a soft laugh. "Make your heart race?"

"Actually, no," Sonny said. "With you… The Buddhists say that if your heart beats faster when you're with someone then that's not love. Love is calm, love is peace. And when I'm with you I'm calm. Peaceful. And it doesn't matter to me that I'm your first. I trust you."

"Calm," Will said. "I… yeah. That. Calm, peace."

"Much as I would love to stay and talk to you all afternoon, I have work to do."

"I should study, although I'd rather come and help you sort stock."

"I would prefer that too, although I doubt much work would be done," Sonny said with a laugh.

"True," Will laughed. "Go. Work. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll have your coffee ready."

"Good. Love you."

"Love you, too."

###

"Common Grounds, this is Sonny."

"It's Paul."

Sonny froze, his gut wrenching in nerves at what the next words out of Paul's mouth would be.

"I was beginning to think you were deliberately ignoring me."

"I'm sorry," Sonny said. "I—"

"Dad's fine," Paul cut across. "They're discharging him next week but I'm coming home tomorrow. I was just going to get a flight, but Victor said he'd send the jet."

"That's… great," Sonny said. "Really."

"I'll be home before you know it," Paul said. "And then… we can talk."

"Talk?"

"I love you, you know that?" Paul asked. "I know things are hard right now, and I know that there's this distance between us… but I still love you. And I know you love me and so I know we can work this out. We just need to… refocus."

"What?"

"We should take a break. Go somewhere, together. A second honeymoon of sorts."

"Paul, I can't, not now—"

"This is important—"

"My uncle has just died, my mom is in pieces… I can't just go off on holiday."

"Our marriage is falling to pieces," Paul countered. "We need this, Sonny, you know we do."

"It doesn't change the fact that I can't leave."

"Can't? Or won't?"

"I am not having this argument over the phone," Sonny said.

"No, because you keep avoiding my calls," Paul snapped.

"Paul—"

"Don't feel you need to meet me at the airport," he said before hanging up.

And with that Sonny finally felt guilty with all the back interest that came with it.

###

As soon as Will opened the door Sonny was on him, hands in his hair, bodies flush as they stumbled back towards the bed. Will's sounds of surprise were muffled and swallowed in Sonny's kisses and soon he found himself on the bed while Sonny's hands fumbled with the buttons on his jeans. He'd barely managed to get them down over Will's hips before he was able to take control of the situation, pushing Sonny up and away from him.

"Sonny, what—"

"I just want to be with you. Or blow you. I'm easy with either."

"Yeah, but why?"

"You're complaining?"

"Yeah, when you pretty much pounce on me without warning. I thought you had work to do."

"I do, but you're a better option," Sonny said, his hands going for Will's jeans again.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Sonny said, "I just figured I'd rather spend time with you than be at work. Work can wait."

"This can wait."

"No, it can't."

"Sonny—"

"It can't wait," Sony repeated.

"Why not?"

"Because Paul will be home tomorrow," Sonny snapped, finally sitting back on his heels. "Because tomorrow I have to tell him something that is going to break his heart and I hate myself for that. I hate myself that he came out to be with me and now I'm just going to leave him."

"Hey, hey, hey," Will said, reaching out to take Sonny's hands in his. "It's going to be OK."

"How is it?" Sonny challenged. "This is going to kill him, Will. This is going to… And I've done this to him."

"We both have," Will countered. "I'm just as much in this as you are."

"You didn't make promises to him."

"Yeah, I did. I promised him I wouldn't go after you."

"You didn't. I was the one—"

"I didn't exactly say no to you, did I? I could have done the right thing. I should have."

"Wait, are you saying…" Sonny sat further back on his haunches, studying Will intently. "Do you want to end this?"

"What?"

"I'd understand if you did—"

"Is that what you want?"

"Is it what you want?"

"Son—"

"Maybe we should," Sonny said, getting off the bed quickly. "Maybe you're right. We should have… No, _I_ should have kept my distance. I'm married, I made promises… He came out for me, I can't just leave him like this. I can't do this to him."

"Right," Will said numbly.

"He doesn't deserve this," Sonny finished, turning to go.

"Maybe not, but you deserve to be happy," Will called after him. "And you're not, not with him. If I didn't know that before all this started I know it now. How can you be happy with him, truly happy with him, if you were with me?

"What we've done – you and me – to him? I don't think I'm ever going to be OK with that. He helped me, supported me, was there for me when I needed help and support the most and in return I slept with his husband. But I don't regret what we did, Sonny, I never will. I love you, and I'm going to be in love with you for the rest of my life.

"I'm also going to respect your decision, because it has to be yours. If you want to go back to him, forget this ever happened? Then that's what will happen. I won't ever tell him, won't tell anyone. If you want to end this because that's what you want, because you want to be with Paul? I won't stop you."

Will took a deep breath. He wanted to look away from Sonny but he knew he couldn't. "But it's not what I want. I want you to be happy and I know that I will do whatever I can to make you happy. I want to be the person who makes you happy, and I think I do. I think you and I could really make something of this if we wanted to.

"I know you're scared, I know you don't want to hurt him. And if there was a way of doing this without hurting Paul then I would be in favour of that completely. But there isn't, so it's all about what is going to hurt him less. That's if you want to tell him."

"I… don't know," Sonny admitted. He didn't turn around but Will could see his conflict in the sag of his shoulders. "I thought I did, but then he said he was coming home and all I could feel was guilt and I shouldn't feel like this, not like this, if I didn't love him… and I do, Will. I love him."

"I know," Will said quietly. "I've always known that."

"I love you too, you know that?"

"Yeah."

"I wish I could tell you what's going to happen."

"Me too," Will said.

"I…" The rest of the phrase died on Sonny's lips and so it was left unsaid when he left, leaving Will to the silence of his room.


	10. Chapter 10

It was clear from the look on Paul's face that he hadn't expected to be greeted at the airport. But here Sonny was, his hands shoved into his jeans pockets and his face betraying the lack of sleep, the worry, and the hesitation.

"You look awful," Paul said, dropping his bag and standing a respectful distance away.

"I feel it," Sonny said. "How's your dad?"

"Doing fine. Mom says he's going to be around to give her grief for years to come."

"I'm glad."

"How's your mom?"

"Coping… just. Abi's in pieces, blaming herself, and the whole town is just in shock."

"I wish I'd been here."

"Me too," Sonny said.

"Well. I am now. And I have missed you," Paul said, moving closer to him. "I hope you missed me… is that egotistical of me?"

"Paul…" Sonny breathed. "Of course I missed you. I love you."

"Really?"

"Really," he smiled.

"Kinda had my doubts for a while there."

"I'm sorry."

"We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

"Yeah, we do."

"Can we go home? I need a shower and a change of clothes and…"

"And what?" Sonny prompted.

"I need to spend time with my husband. Alone."

"Yeah, OK," Sonny smiled. He held out his hand and the smile only widened as he felt the familiar weight of Paul's in his. This was safe, this was familiar, this was love. "Let's go home."

It was only when Paul was in the shower and Sonny was left staring at the clothes still heaped in his open case that he realised that when he'd seen Paul his heart had started to race in that familiar way he was used to. Whenever he saw Paul his heart stuttered and pounded and while it was love it wasn't the calming and consuming love he felt for Will. Will's hand in his was never a weight but a warmth, an extension of his own hand. There was no line where he ended and Will began and when he was with Will they flowed into each other, moved around each other and with each other with an ease that he had never managed to find with Paul.

His eyes fixed on the open case, he remembered hotel rooms and travels and events. So many memories and happy times. Moments of love and passion and excitement and contentment. The night Paul had accepted his proposal. The night of his coming out. Their wedding and the opening of the business and all the nights in between. The nights when they had done nothing but talked and slept and woken up to go about their day, sometimes together, sometimes separately.

They had a life together, a love built on time and understanding. Marriage wasn't easy, it wasn't supposed to be. It was work and it was commitment and it was… It was what he wanted. It was what he'd always wanted. He had it, right now, with a man that he loved.

When he'd gone to San Francisco with Paul he'd been able to lose himself in the idea that maybe Will was just a distraction – for a little while at least. Then the explosion happened and he'd come home before he'd even realised what he was doing. Without Paul around he'd been able to lose himself in the idea of Will.

He knew this couldn't go on indefinitely, it wasn't fair to either of them and he would drive himself mad over it.

###

Across town, Will's phone buzzed with a text. When he opened it he saw the simple, short message from Sonny, and his heart sank.

_I'm sorry. S x_

So that was that then.

###

"I did a lot of thinking… after you left," Paul said, pulling on the old t shirt he slept in, "and I know that we have a lot to work through."

"Paul—"

"It's just I'm so scared of losing you. Sometimes it feels like that if this doesn't work out, if we don't make it, then everything I went through was for nothing. Coming out, being 'dropped'," he added, miming the air quotes as he did, "the good and the bad and the outright ugly… What was the point? You and I, we're supposed to have the happy ending. We're supposed to prove that you can make it, that anyone can make it, that coming out isn't the end of everything and won't cost you everything… And that's my problem, not yours."

"We're married," Sonny said, "your problems are supposed to be my problems."

"Only if you want them to be."

"Paul—"

"I know we can make this work, I know it. I love you so much, Sonny, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. These last few years? Everything we've done together, built together, it's just the start isn't it? It's supposed to be the start. This is just…" He sighed and ran a hand through his still-damp hair. "I know we can fix this if we work at it. There's nothing we can't get past, absolutely nothing that you could say or do which would change that."

The stone of guilt settled somewhere in Sonny's stomach as he tried to make up his mind; the connection and completion and uncertainty with Will, or the enduring and the supporting and the commitment with Paul.

"I love you," Paul said simply. "I always will. You're my heart, Sonny. You're my whole life."

"I love you, I always have," Sonny said, "and it's not all your fault. I've not exactly been… here," he said.

"Can we change that? Work on it? I think if we just spent a bit more time together—"

"I know you want another honeymoon, but—"

"I'll take a day at home," Paul interrupted. "A day with no phones or work or anything. We can just stay in the apartment and talk and do normal married things together. Or we can go out."

"A date?"

"No, not… I'm not talking about a date night, Sonny. I'm talking about how when we first got together all we did was talk. Even at that party we found a corner and we talked."

"We did a little more than that," Sonny said, smiling despite himself and ducking his head.

"The only way we're going to know if we can get through this is if we talk and we never stop talking."

"I know."

"I'm going to get a glass of water. Want one?"

"Please," Sonny said. He was alone when his phone, resting on the unit near where Paul had been, vibrated with the incoming message.

_Maybe you're right_ , Will's unprompted message read, _we can't do this to him. I know you love him, I've always known that. Thank you for everything, I will never forget it or you. And I won't say a word of it either. I wish you all the luck in the world with Paul, I really do. Be happy. W x_

Sonny knew that he could be happy again with Paul. He knew that they could have a long and happy life together. Life with Will was unknown and messy and would hurt so many people.

Maybe this would be better for everyone.

###

"What's this?" Sonny asked as Paul handed him a business card. "A counsellor?"

"Yeah. For us. What do you think?"

Sonny glanced around the coffee house as if he were afraid of the conversation being overheard, but the two customers in this early were busy with their own and paid them little heed.

"Son?"

"Do you think we need it? I mean—"

"Two days isn't going to fix us."

"You think we need to be fixed? I thought it was just… upkeep."

"Maybe. But wouldn't it be better to have someone who knows what they're talking about tell us that? Plenty of happy couples I know go just to check in, deal with anything before it becomes bigger."

"Maybe," Sonny said.

"Can we at least try? It can't hurt."

"Depends what comes up," Sonny mused.

"Would there be something?" Paul asked, and there was something in his tone of voice that – just for a second – made Sonny panic that he knew. 

Since that text he'd seen and heard nothing from Will and the ache was getting worse with each passing hour. And with each of those passing hours he began to doubt more and more that he'd made the right decision. Or had it made for him. He was still working out which one it was.

"No," Sonny lied, and hoped that he would be able to make it through an appointment with this woman without her seeing right through him and seeing I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE written through him like candy cane.

"Want me to call?"

"I'll do it," Sonny said. "Watch the counter?"

"Think I can manage that," Paul smiled. As Sonny walked past him he reached out, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him in close. The kiss was gentle, reverent, and Sonny felt his heart quicken a little. But just a little.

Paul watched him go, then turned to look in the direction of the opening door. His eyes locked with Will's and he saw the briefest flash of panic on his face. Putting on a smile, he went over to greet him.

"How's things?" Paul said. "I'm sorry about Jack, must be hard on your family."

Will gave a small shrug, his eyes darting around the room as if he was looking for an escape.

"Sonny's not here," Paul said.

"Right."

"Something you wanted?"

"No. Yes. Coffee?" It came out as a question and Will knew that he wasn't fooling anyone.

Paul sighed. "Will—"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come—"

"What are you hoping for, Will?" Paul challenged. He took Will's arm and pulled him away from the door, closer to the counter, for at least an element of privacy. "You know the situation. I'm home now."

"Paul—"

"I've been a lot more understanding than most people would be in my place, but even I have my limits. I understand why you feel what you feel but you need to know that _nothing_ is going to come of it. I love my husband, I will do anything to make sure that we are happy. He loves me, you know that."

"I know—"

"I told you, it's just a distraction. You're just a… distraction. Things were difficult between us and we… lost our way a little. But now I'm home we are finding each other, so that distraction is over, do you understand?"

Will stilled, looking at Paul. Something deep in him shifted as he realised that Paul knew more than what he was talking about. 

"Your grandmother's place does coffee, yes?" Paul continued. "Maybe it would be best, for everyone, if you got it there. Fewer people to get hurt."

"Paul—"

"I love him, he loves me. That is something you have always known. Do you really want to push this? Fight this?"

Up until the moment he'd walked through the door, Will would have said "maybe" in response to that question. In the days since that text he'd gone over things again and again, and had resolved to give it one more try. To go and see him, look Sonny in the eye. See if that smile, his smile, was still on those lips he wanted to kiss.

"You're just going to get hurt, kid," Paul said, making his meaning of the word choice very clear. "Sonny and I have history, we have plans for our future. We know what we're doing and we knew what we were getting into when we got together. I went into this with my eyes wide open, knowing myself and who I am and what I wanted.

"The things that we have been through together? That creates a bond that you can't just ignore or wish away. So go, Will. Just… go. He doesn't want you, he's told you that. You got his message. He's not in love with you, Will, no matter what he might have said. I know what it's like to be loved by him," he added, his voice dropping low and suggestive. "I know _intimately_ what it's like. So go lick your wounds and then move on, find someone else."

Without a word Will turned and left, but when Paul turned he saw Sonny watching him. "How did you get on with the—"

"How long have you known?" Sonny asked.

"Did you make the appointment?"

"No. I needed the diary. How long have you known?" he repeated.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

Paul said nothing, he just pointed up to the corner of the room where the security camera sat. "Streams to a backup," he said. "That morning before we left for San Francisco."

"All this time?" Sonny whispered. "You never said a word?"

"Neither did you," Paul challenged. "Can you imagine what that was like? To watch you, watch my _husband_ , the man I came out for—"

"Stop doing that!" Sonny snapped. "Stop putting that on me! You came out for _you_ , no one else. You did not do it for me."

"What? Are you saying you'd have stayed with me if I'd turned down your proposal? Told you I couldn't come out? Come on, Sonny, we both know that's not true."

"That isn't my point and you know it," Sonny said slowly. "Why did you tell him that I don't want him?"

"Because you don't," Paul said. "You said you loved me, you and I… we've been talking about working things out."

"Because I thought he didn't want me!" Sonny shouted.

Paul's gaze flashed to the couple still sitting in the corner, who were doing a very bad job of pretending not to notice what was going on. "Son—"

"No, no I'm done with this. I thought he didn't… but clearly I was wrong. About a lot of things," he added as he walked past Paul and out of the coffee house.

###

Will's eyes were already blurring with tears as he crossed the square, barely noticing anything or anyone around him until a hand was placed on his arm to stop him.

"Will, what's wrong?" Sami asked.

"Nothing, I—"

"Don't give me that, I can see something's upset you. Tell me."

"No, Mom, it's OK. Just… I'll be fine, it's nothing really."

"Will, I want to help."

"Then leave me alone," he said sadly. "Just let me get on with things."

"I thought you were happy, you've been… just recently it's been great to see you," she said. "This whole town is under a cloud and I looked at you and you seemed so happy about something. I was starting to think that maybe there was a guy involved, but now? Now I know there is."

"Mom—"

"But if he makes you feel like this, he's not worth it."

"He is," Will whispered. "That's the point."

"Oh, baby…" Sami pulled him into a hug. "It'll be OK."

"You can't promise me that."

"I know. But I still know it'll be OK."

"I should go, I need to—"

"Will!"

From across the square Sonny's voice carried, loud and clear and shocking Will away from his mother's arms. Hurriedly, Will wiped his eyes and half turned to leave when Sonny called out to him again. "He lied to you."

Will stopped.

"He lied," Sonny repeated. "I heard everything he said to you and… He lied. About me, about how I feel, all of it. Not a single word of it is true, Will."

Will turned to face Sonny before he started to take note of their surroundings and the people milling about the Square. "Sonny, not here, not—"

"No, no I don't care. Now, here, so you can have no doubt at all." Sonny started to cross the last few metres between them. "None of what he told you was true. You are not a 'distraction', you are not some clueless kid. I don't know why you sent that message but it's not what I want. That is not how I feel, not at all. And I am completely in love with you."

Will barely registered Sami's surprise before Sonny had reached him, pulled him in close, and was kissing him. In public. Right now. It took him half a second to respond, kissing Sonny back with desperation and relief. His fingers carded through Sonny's hair, keeping him in close as they kissed over and over in a pattern of natural familiarity.

"I love you too," Will whispered when their lips parted. "Son—"

"Oh great," Sami muttered beside them, distracting them from another kiss.

At first Will thought the comment was aimed at them, but when he turned to look he followed his mother's gaze to where Paul was standing, watching the whole scene with his jaw clenched and his lips pressed tightly together. His whole body stance was one they both recognised, in playbacks of old games when it was all coming down to the last few pitches. Paul was preparing to fight.

But that wasn't the worst of it. Standing beside him, looking like she was about to start that fight right now, was Adrienne.

"What on earth—" she started, but was stopped with a hand on her arm. When she turned to look she saw it was Paul. "What's going on?"

"I'd have thought it was obvious," Paul said, his gaze turning to fix and rest heavily on Sonny.

"Sonny?" Adrienne asked, but her son was ignoring her in favour of Will.

"You OK?" Sonny whispered.

"You're sure?" Will whispered back.

"What part were you unclear on?" Sonny laughed. "He knew. He's known for a long time. Before I left. He's been… Whatever he said to you… It's not true, OK? You are _not_ a distraction, you're all I think about. And I love you."

"I love you too," Will grinned, kissing him gently.

"Love?" Adrienne scoffed as she moved closer to them. "Are you… Sonny, come on. Is this really what you want?"

"Yes, Mom," he said, turning to face her. In doing so he positioned himself between her and Will, his hand reaching behind him to grab Will's in support. "This is very much what I want. We're in love."

"But… how long…?"

"Just before we flew out to San Francisco," Paul answered for him, "but it's been building for a while."

"You knew about it?" Adrienne asked.

"And I tried so hard to stop it," he said, "I put everything into my marriage but it seems like I was the only one."

"You lied to me!" Will protested.

"And can you blame me?" Paul retorted. "Don't try and play the victim here, Will. You were the one who went after my husband."

"No, he didn't." This time it was Sonny who spoke. "He was the one who backed off. When I found out how he felt? He backed off and wouldn't do anything. I was the one—"

"You?" Adrienne said in disbelief. "No, Sonny… I know you. You and Paul, you're meant to be together. You love each other—"

"I love Will, Mom."

"And I love him," Will added.

"You stay out of this," Adrienne snapped, "but then you've not exactly stayed out of it so far—"

"Hey!" Sami interjected. "You heard them, and this has nothing to do with us."

"Oh I might have known you'd support this," Adrienne said, "like mother, like son."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you've never had any respect at all for someone else's marriage, so why should your son be any different? Chasing after a married man, wrecking a relationship, and then once he's done—"

"I would _never_ do that," Will cut across. "I didn't…"

"Will," Sonny said, turning back to face him. "Don't. Don't do this."

"But—"

"It's OK."

"How is this OK, Sonny?" Paul asked. "You're leaving me."

"And this was not how I wanted it to come out, this was not how I wanted this to happen," Sonny said, "but you lied to him, you manipulated us."

"I was trying to save my marriage!"

"Did you…" Will started. "You were the one who sent me that text the other day, weren't you?"

"What?" Sonny asked.

"I got a text from you, the day Paul came home. It said you were sorry, I thought it meant you couldn't be with me."

"I never sent you that text," Sonny said. "But it explains why you sent the one you did." He turned to Paul, anger bubbling in his chest. "How could you do that?"

"You leave me while my dad is in hospital, when I don't know if he's going to make it, and you come back here to Salem and you jump into bed with him. You fuck him while I'm keeping vigil at the hospital and you have the _nerve_ to ask _me_ how I could send one text?" Paul's anger was no longer bubbling under the surface, and once again Sonny moved unconsciously in front of Will. "I knew, I knew that you came back here for him. That it wasn't your family you were really worried about."

"Sonny—" Adrienne started.

"Oh, I know he told you he came back for you, because of Jack," Paul said, "but the truth is that he was worried about _him_ ," he spat, pointing a finger at Will. "My husband. My wonderful, supportive husband, who told me that he would be there with me, no matter what, coming home and jumping into bed with the baby gay."

"I love him," Sonny said. "I know you want to reduce this to something cheap and tacky, but I love him. I loved him long before anything happened and you know it. You accused me of as much before I was even aware that he loved me."

"He doesn't know the meaning of it," Paul said.

"If it makes you feel better to put me down, fine, go ahead," Sonny said, "but you leave him out of it. I'm the one who cheated on you—"

"With him. He promised me he wouldn't do anything."

"So did I," Sonny pointed out. 

"Son—"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Maybe we should go," Will said.

"Best idea you've had so far," Adrienne said. "Sonny and Paul have a lot to talk about."

"I have nothing more to say," Sonny said. "Will and I are going."

"But—"

"Since when was this your business?" Sami interrupted. "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. _Everything_ is your business, whether it should be or not."

"My son's happiness _is_ my business."

"And so is mine. Ask me, I think they know what they want."

"Maybe for now," Adrienne said, "until Sonny realises he's made a mistake."

"Not going to happen," Sonny said, giving Will's hand a gentle squeeze. "It won't," he told Will. "This is what I want."

"You wanted me once," Paul said. "At some point he'll have had enough, he'll be bored of fucking the novice and—"

"I'm not that one," Sonny said, his voice low and full of warning.

Adrienne looked from one to the other in confusion, but Paul seemed to understand what Sonny was saying. His expression changed from shock to hurt to confusion, and be all three simultaneously.

"But you—" Paul started.

"At first you needed me to be in control. And after that I didn't want to give it up."

"But you did with him?"

"Every time," Sonny spat. "Every. Single. Time. And it was everything. Come on, Will, we're going."

He pulled on their joined hands until they were moving, half-walking, half-running away somewhere together, somewhere away from the mess, and somewhere they could be alone.


	11. Chapter 11

Once back at Will's dorm room, Will shut the door behind them and leaned up against it, watching as Sonny moved to sit on the bed.

"I… Did that just happen?" he asked with a soft laugh.

"Yeah, it did," Sonny replied. "I didn't plan it, and I'm sorry I just… jumped on you like that. But I was just so… _mad_ at him. How could he lie to us like that?"

"Like we have to him?" Will countered. "I get it, I do. I wouldn't want to lose you either."

"Maybe," Sonny said. "But I shouldn't have done what I did… in the Square, I mean."

"What? Kiss me?"

"And the rest. It didn't need to be done like that."

"I… liked it," Will said, ducking his head as he blushed a little. "Is that weird?"

"Why would it be weird?"

"Because it was… it was like something out of a movie, Sonny! The public declaration, the kiss, defending me..."

"Why didn’t you tell me what Paul had been saying to you?" Sonny asked, watching Will intently for his reaction. "Why did you believe him?"

Will gave a small shrug before pushing off the door and walking towards him. "I know you love him, I've always known that. And I would see you two together and… it made sense. You and him. You work."

"So do we," Sonny said, holding out his hand to him. "We work very well together. And yeah, a part of me will always love Paul but you?" He took and pulled on Will's hand so that he was standing in front of him, between his legs, standing over him. "I never knew you could love someone the way that I love you."

"He told me that I was a distraction, that you two were drifting apart and—"

"We were, but that was long before you," Sonny said, his hands running down Will's arms before resting on his hips. "Pretty much as soon as we settled, as soon as real life kicked in, things got… impossible. Without the secrecy and then the rush of him coming out and the wedding… Once it got down to the everyday? I wasn't happy. I knew it and that's why I threw myself into getting the business up and running. I think I knew then that it wasn't what I thought it would be, that maybe I'd made a mistake. I just kept telling myself that 'OK' was good enough. But it's not."

"But what if I'm not—"

"I'm more certain of you than I ever was about Paul," Sonny whispered.

"But we have – had," he corrected, "the same secrecy and now it's going to be drama… What happens when the everyday happens for us?"

"It already has," Sonny said. "All those times you'd be at the coffee house, just working or reading or we'd be hanging out and talking about stuff? Nothing important, nothing huge. And sometimes we wouldn't talk at all, we'd just get on with things in our own worlds and that would be OK. We'd be here and we'd be… we'd be us. Somewhere in the middle of being together we found a way to… be together.

"That's the everyday I want, Will. That's what I didn't have with Paul. We didn't just sit and talk, silences were heavy, and he hated inane conversations. I can just be with you, we don't have to do anything."

"Speaking of," Will said, putting his hands on Sonny's shoulders, "what did you mean when you talked about control?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me. Please, Sonny."

"You won't just be happy with the answer, you're going to want to know more about it, and that's not a conversation I want to have tonight."

"Sonny. Please."

He sighed and shuffled back on the bed until he was resting against the headboard. Will crawled over to join him, settling into his side.

"When I first met Paul he was still in the closet. Not that I knew that, I didn't even know who he was. So that night at the party when we started making out, I didn't think anything of the fact that he was letting me make all the moves, be in control as it were. Of course then I found out and we talked and… And the first time we slept together he said he wanted me to be on top. It was the only time he felt like he could really be who he was, embrace it and not hide, and so he wanted it to be me.

"And I was fine with that, really was. And then it just… became a thing that it was always me. Some couples are like that, it's not a bad thing. But when he suggested maybe switching things up a bit, I panicked. I liked the control, I liked how it felt… so I told him that I hated being on the bottom."

"But—"

"See, this is why I knew you'd want more," Sonny said, kissing the top of Will's head. "I think, even then, I knew it wasn't perfect. It's not sex to me, Will, it means something. And when I'm with someone, doesn't matter who is… where," he settled on with a soft laugh, "it means something to me. When I top, I feel like I'm in control of how he feels, when he comes, how we are. Bottom? It's… it's more intimate than I know how to express. It's nothing but trust and surrender. And I wanted that with you. Not just because you were nervous about us being together, but because I trust you, Will. I want to give you everything. All of me."

"So you never… not once with Paul?"

"No. Well, once or twice early on. But it wasn't great, so we stopped."

"But you didn't even hesitate with me," Will said, sitting up to look at him. "Not once. I never knew…"

Sonny smiled and put his hand on Will's cheek, his thumb gently caressing the skin. "I love you. And there are no limits, no conditions, no reservations with that. I just… love you."

"I love you too."

Sonny paused for a moment, studying Will's face. "But…?" he prompted, seeing the doubt in his eyes.

"But I have no idea if you and I can make it. I can't promise you that we're going to be forever. I want us to make it, I really do, but I just don't know that. And I don't want you to walk away from your marriage for something that might be over by Christmas."

"You have that little faith in us?"

"…In me," Will admitted. "The 'baby gay' comment isn't too far off the mark."

"I hate that he calls you that," Sonny said.

"He's not wrong though, is he?"

"Yes, he is. Because you know who you are and you're figuring out what you want. I trust you to know how you feel and I know how I feel. And I am right here, with you, and I don't want to be anywhere else."

"Are you sure that—"

"Yes, I'm sure," Sonny smiled. "This is what I want. You are who I want to be with."

"OK," Will whispered. He leaned in and kissed him gently. "You know," he then said with a soft laugh, "the only reason I came by was because I hated that it ended with a text. I wanted to see you… I wanted to see that you were happy with Paul."

"I'm glad you did," he said. "I was about to make an appointment with a counsellor."

"Marriage counsellor?"

"Yeah, well, I thought you didn't want me. I thought I would at least try for a little while, then when I told him it was over? It would be better. Easier maybe."

"You were still going to leave him?"

"I don't love him the way that I should." Sonny's hand came back up to Will's face. "The way that I love you."

Will kissed him again, longer, slower, deeper, then they settled down onto the bed together. Will was draped over Sonny's chest, and to the dull thud of a heart he knew belonged to him, he fell asleep.

###

Will woke, stretched, and his hand collided with something – someone.

"Ow," Sonny laughed softly.

Will opened his eyes and looked up at him, wincing a little when he saw Sonny rubbing his jaw line. "Sorry."

"Morning to you too," Sonny said.

Will tilted his head up a little so that he could place a gentle kiss on Sonny's jaw line. "Better?"

"Much."

"You OK? Jaw aside?"

"You mean am I having second thoughts?" Sonny asked. "No. Not a single one."

"I'd understand if—"

"No, OK?" Sonny said, rolling Will onto his back and moving so he was on top of him. "Not a single one. This is… this is exactly where I want to be, who I want to be with. And I'm only sorry that it took me this long to do something about it. I should have left him a long time ago."

"You know this is… not going to be easy, right?"

"You're not going to put me off," Sonny grinned, kissing Will gently. "So stop trying."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"Will—"

"I am… a mess, Sonny, and that is just the start of it. There are so many things in my life, things about me, that you don't know. So many things and even one of them is enough of a reason for you to not stick around. My head… isn't pretty."

"I think it is," Sonny quipped.

"Son—"

"I love you, Will. I am… entirely in love with you. And I don't know if there is anything you could tell me that would change—"

"I shot EJ," Will blurted out. He felt Sonny's body freeze over his, and could see him working out if he should believe this. "I shot him, and my dad took the blame for it. He went to prison for me and I was sent away."

"I heard about that," Sonny said, moving off Will and lying next time him. "You were a kid."

"Old enough to know better."

"Will—"

"I wish that was the half of it."

There was a moment's silence; Will staring up at the ceiling, Sonny next to him.

"Do you notice something?" Sonny asked eventually.

"What?"

"I'm still here."

"What?" Will repeated.

"You just told me about something… big. Something huge, and I'm still here. I still love you. Still want to be with you."

"Son—"

"I know you, the you that you are now," Sonny said, putting his hand on Will's chest over his heart. "I know this. I know the man you are now."

"You can't say it doesn't matter—"

"Did you forget my last name?" Sonny cut across. "There are… a few skeletons in the Kiriakis closet."

"And how many of them did you put there?" Will challenged. "My life… is not easy. And it's probably not going to become any less of a mess any time soon."

"Yeah, well, I have a marriage that is falling apart and I need to figure out how to navigate a divorce without making things worse for… everyone."

"We are a mess," Will laughed softly.

"Yeah. But we'll get better."

"Promise?"

Sonny leaned over and kissed Will's cheek. "Promise."

Will turned his head and kissed Sonny, grinning into it when Sonny pulled him up and over him. He pressed Sonny's body down into the mattress, their hips slotting together. Sonny's hands moved to his hips, holding him in place, pulling him down.

Will picked up the pace, pushing against Sonny and losing himself in the sounds and smells and feel of the body that was under him and around him.

And the thudding that was not of their making.

"I know you're in there," Adrienne called, "and I will stand here all day if I have to."

"And you think it's your life that's a mess," Sonny whispered.

"Want me to get rid of her?" Will offered. "Not sure how I would do that, but—"

"It's fine," Sonny said, getting off the bed and checking that his clothes were some semblance of decent. He held out a hand to Will and helped him off the bed. "You ready?"

"Round one," Will muttered as Sonny opened the door.

"Hi, Mom," Sonny said, giving an air of friendliness.

"Don't you 'hi mom' me," she said, pushing past him and into the room. "Figured this was where I would find you."

"Mom—"

"How could you do this to him?" Adrienne asked. "He _loves_ you, he gave up everything for you and you do this to him?"

"You say that like I set out to hurt him," Sonny said. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"I thought I knew you just fine," she said, "but the boy I raised wouldn't do this. I taught you better than this."

"You and Dad taught me to go after what I want. You taught me that I should be true and honest to who I am, how I feel. And this is who I am, how I feel."

"Really? This?" she asked, turning around to face Will. "Do you realise what you've done?" she asked him. "Wait, what am I saying? Of course you know You've learned from the masters. Your mom and dad have this down to such a fine art it's probably coded in your DNA."

"Don't have a go at him," Sonny said, "it's not all his fault."

"He went after a married man."

"I went after him. Why is that so hard for people to understand? You of all people should understand what that's like."

"You're throwing this back at me now, like it's my fault?"

"No, this is… this is our fault," Sonny said.

"He loves you," Adrienne pleaded. "He is crushed by this." When Will gave a scoff she turned back to him. "What?"

"He has been… He threatened me, he lied to me, he manipulated me," Will said. "He made me feel like hell just because I fell for the… the greatest guy I've ever met. And I did _nothing_ about it, Adrienne. It killed me and… and he made me feel guilty because I was in love with a guy I was actively distancing myself from."

"Yeah, having an affair with someone really is distancing yourself from them," she snapped.

"That's on me," Sonny said. "You want to be made at someone, be mad at me. I'm the one who's married, I'm the one who cheated on my husband. I went after Will and I was the one who made all the moves. That first night? He told me to go home to Paul. He pushed me away, again and again, until I finally made him realise that I wasn't going anywhere. That I wanted to be with him – that I want to be with him – and… and I'm happier with Will than I ever was with Paul, Mom."

"You don't—"

"I do," he said. "I love Will, Mom. I love him and I want to be with him and I am sorry that this is a mess, that Paul is hurt. But wouldn't it be worse if I stayed with someone I didn't want to be with? That I didn't… didn't love the way that I should?"

"Baby—"

"I need you to let me get on with this, deal with this myself, but you also need to understand one very important thing." Sonny walked around to where Will was standing and put his hand in Will's. "This? Is not going away."

"I know you," Adrienne said, reaching out to put a hand to Sonny's cheek. "You were always so… impulsive."

"No, no, you are not doing this as well," Sonny said, opening the door. "You are not going to try and make it sound like this is… some fad. This is for keeps."

"Yeah, well," Adrienne said as she started for the door, "I remember you saying the same thing about Paul when you told me that you'd gotten married. That you were desperately in love with this man, that you couldn't imagine your life without him. That you were going to be with him forever and you didn't want to wait."

On that note she left. Without even looking Sonny could feel Will's body drain of confidence and so he turned to face him.

"It's what she wanted to hear. It's what I wanted to believe," Sonny said. "And I'm not going to say that to you, say that about you."

"Why not?"

"Because they're just words. Because for the first time I have… _no_ idea where this is going. But I know that there is nothing, Will, _nothing_ that is going to stop me from figuring it out. All I know? Is that I love you. I love you and I want to be with you and the rest of it? We'll figure out as we go. That OK with you?"

Will ducked his head for a moment, but when he lifted it he was smiling. "Yeah, it's OK."

"I need you to promise me something."

"Yeah. OK. Sure. What?"

"Listen to me, OK? Whatever happens, whatever people start saying about us? About me? Ask me, talk to me. Paul's already started, now it looks like Mom's… I don't want them thinking they can get to you, get to us like that."

"Yeah, OK, I promise," Will said. "And I trust you."

"Good," Sonny smiled.

"But you know that's just the start, right? Paul, your mom… Everyone is going to have something to say about it. About us, about what we've done, about what comes next. And it is going to be hard and… and it scares me that we might not make it through that."

"We might," Sonny said. "If we stick together, talk to each other. Be honest with each other, no matter what."

"No matter what." Will kissed him gently. "I love you."

"See?" Sonny grinned, kissing him a second time. "Honesty."

###

Part of him wanted to knock before he opened, another part wondered if Paul would have put the chain on the door. In the end he unlocked and opened the door as normal, calling out a tentative hello to confirm what he suspected: Paul wasn't there.

He changed quickly, grabbing a bag from the shelf in the closet and shoving a few things into it. It seemed somewhat final, packing and leaving the home they had together. The right step, but clearly one towards the ending of their marriage. As he turned to leave he caught sight of the photo frame on the unit, a candid from their wedding, a picture he'd always loved. On the wall there was his birthday present, the world map telling their story.

Part of him was surprised that Paul hadn't destroyed it.

Should he leave his key? What about the rest of his things? Would Paul be mad that he came by? Would he change the locks? Should he—

"So that's it?" Paul was standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. "Travelling light?"

"It's all I need… for now."

"Right."

"Is this OK? That I… came by?"

"It's still your home, Sonny. Our home."

"Don't," Sonny said. "Don't do that."

"Quite the show you put on yesterday."

"It wasn't how I wanted to do it."

"Yeah?" Paul asked, coming into the apartment and closing the door behind him. "Was there a plan?"

"An idea," Sonny said. "I would have told you, talked to you."

"When?"

"I wanted to when you came back from San Francisco. But then the text…"

"You said you'd go to counselling with me."

"I wanted it to be as easy as possible. If we tried—"

"So you'd have still left me? Even if you thought he didn't want you?" Paul asked. He let out a long breath. "You really don't love me."

"I do love you, Paul. I have always loved you."

"You just love him more?"

"I love him differently," Sonny countered. "I love him the way that you're supposed to love someone that you want to be with. And one day you'll know that—"

"I already know that," Paul interrupted. "I have known that since the day I met you, Sonny. I knew, I knew in the very bones of me that you would be the one person I would… do it all with, give everything for. I know you hate it when I say this but it's true; I came out for you. There were other guys, there could have been so many of them if I'd not gone up to that rooftop with you, and I would not have rearranged a single moment or idea about my life for any of them.

"But you? You were worth it. You are worth it. I came out for you because the alternative was to lose you and just the idea of that? I couldn't breathe properly just thinking about it.

"So I did it. I took that leap, I came out. And I took everything that came with it, good, bad, downright ugly, and I did it because at the end of the day I got to come home to you and that life? That life we were building together? It was worth every insult and jibe and threat. I got to be with my heart," he said, putting a hand over his.

"I'm sorry," Sonny whispered, because there was nothing much else he could say.

"Did you ever love me like that?" Paul asked.

"I… thought I did," Sonny decided on. "I would never have asked you to marry me if I didn't believe that I wanted to be with you."

"But you don't now?"

Sonny shook his head.

"You want to be with Will."

Sonny nodded.

"Were you… with him? Here?"

"No, not here," Sonny said. "I swear it. We never… I wouldn't… No."

"I want to believe you, I do, but right now it's a little hard," Paul spat. "Hard to know what's true and isn't anymore."

"Paul—"

"My father was ill, almost dying, and you were back here jumping into bed with that… baby gay, did things with him you wouldn't with me… How am I supposed to believe a single word that comes out of your mouth?"

"I should go—"

"And that's it? You pack a bag, walk out and walk away from everything? You think it's that easy?"

"No," Sonny snapped, "I think it’s that _hard_. You think that this is something I can do without thinking about it? All I have done, Paul, is think about this. How much I'm hurting you, how much pain this is going to cause everyone—"

"And you still cheated on me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"That doesn't make it better, Sonny. That doesn't change the fact that last night my husband, the man who promised me that he would love and honour me for the rest of his life, spent last night with another man, in his bed, in his arms. And you think sorry is going to make up for that? That I'm just going to say, 'hey, it's fine, go build a life with him just down the road from where I live and work'?

"We supported him, we looked out for him, we took care of him, Sonny. He was our friend, he was my friend and—"

"And you scared him and made him think that his feelings were wrong!"

"He fell in love with my husband!"

"You think that he planned this? That I did? That his whole coming out and us being involved was some slow-burner plot that ends with me and Will being together? He didn't know how he was going to feel and I certainly didn't either."

"Were you ever happy with me?"

"Yes," Sonny said calmly, "but I'm happier with him. What Will and I have… it's more. It's different and it's more and it's…"

"Better?" Paul finished.

"Maybe? I don't know."

"But you want to find out."

"I'm…" Sonny started, but stopped when he caught the apology forming on his lips. "I never meant to hurt you like this."

"But you did. And what's coming is going to be a whole lot worse," Paul said.

"What?"

"You think this is going to be easy?" Paul challenged. "You walk out on me, you… and him… What? I would just get over it? That in a few weeks, months, we'd all bump into each other in the Square and laugh about this like old times?"

"No, but—"

If you're looking for forgiveness or acceptance you're not going to find it, Sonny. Not now, not ever."

"I don't expect you to," Sonny said firmly, "but I don't want to make this worse for you."

"Then _leave_ ," Paul said.

"Fine, yeah, OK. I'll… arrange a time to get the rest of my things."

Paul sighed and shook his head. "That wasn't… I didn't…"

"I'm sorry, I really am. I hope you know that."

"Sorry doesn't change this."

"No, I guess it doesn't."

"So, do you have a plan?" Paul asked.

"A plan?"

"You and Will, you must have talked about what would happen when you left me. What? Get a place together? Buy me out and start running our business together? Or are you going to sell your interest in it? Come on, Sonny. You always had some plan, something in place for the future. You led us, every step, to here. To this moment. From the proposal to our wedding, the honeymoon to the only continent you'd not been to.

"So what's your plan, Sonny? What's your next step?"

"I… don't know. I don't have one," he admitted. "It's not just about me though, is it? What do… what do you want?"

"I want… I want my husband back. I want the life I had back. I want to go back to that damn hotel room and tell you that while I would love to marry you it would mean coming out and I don't want to do that. I want to keep playing and see how far my career could go. I want a whole list of things that I can't have."

"I'm—"

"Don't you _dare_ tell me you're sorry, not again. I can't, I can't take it. No more, Sonny. No more."

"OK. No more apologies."

"I…. don't know. I wasn't sure if you'd want to come to work today."

"Thought about it," Sonny said, "but I wasn't sure if you'd want to… if I should..." 

Shall I draw up a rota? Different shifts?"

"If you want. Whatever is… easier."

"Easier," Paul breathed.

"I don't know what I can do here, Paul, I really don't. I know this is a mess, I know I made it. I know that things are going to be hard for a long time, but I know that this is better than the alternative. Would you want me to stay, knowing what you know now?"

"Knowing you're in love with someone else you mean?" Paul asked. "That you love him more than you love me?"

"As soon as I knew how I felt, that's when I knew you and I… It's not fair on you."

"None of this is fair on me," Paul pointed out.

"I got what I need for now, I'll get the rest later. Draw up the rota, and when you're ready? We'll talk."

"What is left to talk about?" Paul asked as Sonny started for the door. "The business? Sell it, split the money, I don't care. It was always your baby."

"Paul—"

"What?" Paul snapped, turning to face Sonny, his eyes now cold. "It's not like we actually need to get a divorce, is it? Should be nice and simple."

Sonny opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He gripped the handle of his bag and left, unable to shake the nagging doubt that this was not going to be as simple as Paul had said.


	12. Chapter 12

"This is a surprise," Sami said, getting to her feet as Will was shown in.

"Yeah, well, thought I would be pre-emptive," he shrugged. "I know you're probably dying to talk to me about—"

"Are you happy?" Sami asked.

The question stilled Will for a moment, but then he nodded. "I love him."

"And he loves you?"

This time Will grinned as he nodded.

"That's all that matters," Sami said as she held her arms out for a hug.

"Yeah, but that's not all you want to know," Will laughed into her shoulder.

"No, but it's all I need to know to start with."

"OK, who are you and what have you done with my mother?" Will asked, pulling back.

"You're going to get enough hell from people and—and it's already started, hasn't it?" she finished, reading Will's expression. "Let me guess. Adrienne."

"She, um… dropped by this morning."

"I bet that was wonderfully awkward," she quipped.

"No, we just… slept last night," Will said. "It was nice, actually."

"Yeah, it is," Sami grinned. "You're close to someone and there's no ulterior motive. But what did mother-of-the-year want?"

"To accuse me of stealing her son away from his perfect husband, to say I wasn't good enough for him—"

"She said _what_?" Sami snapped.

"She's kinda right though, Mom."

"She kinda isn't."

"Compared to Paul I am. Former All Star player? Philanthropist, businessman, more charity donations than anyone else in this town put together. What do I have to offer him?"

"Plenty," Sami said, "and clearly Sonny thinks so too. He chose you, Will. He chased you down in the Square and he _chose_ you. You need to trust that."

"I do," Will breathed. "I trust him, I believe him…"

"But you know how hard this is going to be?"

"Years of experience watching you and Dad," Will admitted.

"I hope I also showed you that it can work out. Look at me and EJ, finally making it after all these years."

"Yeah, well, nothing's certain yet," Will quipped, moving out of her reach when she took a playful swing at him. "No, he… he makes you happy. That's enough."

"He does. And Sonny makes you happy."

"He does."

"Then I guess we are both blessed to be loved by men who make us happy," she said. "And whatever happens, I want you to know that you are not alone in this. You are never going to be alone."

"That's a chilling thought," Will deadpanned.

###

"If you ever pull a stunt like that again," Sonny declared as soon as he walked in the room, "I will never speak to you again, do you understand?"

"Sonny—" Adrienne started, getting to her feet.

"No, you don't get to do that and walk away," he continued. "What you did this morning was unfair, it was cruel, and you do _not_ get to speak to Will like that."

"You shouldn't be speaking to your mother like that," Justin chimed in.

"Did she tell you what she said to Will? That cheating is part of his DNA and I'm just being impulsive."

"Be that as it may—"

"I know that this isn't what you thought my life was going to be like, but it is my life, Mom. Mine, and that means I get to make my choices and do what is best for me. And Will is best for me. I love him, I want to be with him. I am happier with him than I ever thought I could be. This… _this_ is what love is, Mom. I thought I knew what it was with Paul but then I met Will and I realised that I was wrong.

"I'm not asking for your blessing, I'm not asking you to approve. You don't even have to like him. But you do have to respect my choices."

"We do respect them, Sonny," Justin said. "We just don't understand them."

"What's difficult to understand? I love him."

"You love Paul."

Justin's use of the present tense wasn't lost on Sonny. "Not like this," he replied. "With Will it's… different. It's more."

"Are you sure about this? About him?" Justin asked.

"Justin—" Adrienne was quietened when Justin held up his hand. "You cannot be supporting him in this?"

"I'm trying to figure out what is going on in our son's head," he explained.

"Our son does not do things like this. He climbs mountains and jumps off bridges with a rope attached to his ankles, but he doesn't do this."

"He has. And we raised him to never act without reason. I want to know what that reason is."

"I love him," Sonny repeated.

"And that's it?" Justin asked. "Can you see a future with him? Marriage? A home, kids – if that's what you want?"

"Yes. Maybe? I don't know," Sonny admitted. "But you're saying that like you always know."

"I knew about your mother, moment I saw her."

"Dad—"

"You just walked out on your husband, drawn some pretty public battle lines, and you don't even know if you have a future with him?"

"So that's it? You're supposed to just… know how everything plays out?" Sonny challenged. "You met Mom, you knew. Good for you. And it must have been so nice to have such a simple, hassle free relationship."

"Sonny—" Justin warned.

"Here's what I know, Dad. I know that I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. And I thought I was pretty in love with Paul. We went through a couple of false starts, and thanks to Paul we weren't together for a bit, and in that time? I thought I was going losing my mind. I really did. I couldn't keep a thought in my head for more than two minutes and every time I heard a door open or my phone went off I would look to see if it was Will and it was crush me that it wasn't. 

"When I'm with him? It's like everything else just… disappears. There's no rush, no pounding heartbeat, no overwhelming desire. It's just calm and quiet and something like nothing else I can describe. I don't know how to. I can't put into words what I feel when I'm with him."

Justin glanced over to Adrienne, unwilling to admit that he knew what Sonny was talking about.

"I have no idea what our future is going to be like because we are just finding our feet in the now. I don't know if he's going to want to get married, hell once my… divorce? Whatever we're going to call it, once it's done I don't know if I'd want to get married again. Kids is a conversation we are so not ready for, but why do we need to have it figured out now?"

Sonny turned to face Adrienne. "I left Paul because I love Will more. Staying with him and feeling the way that I do? That would have been worse for everyone involved. But you are not involved in this, Mom. I know you love me and you want what's best for me – I'm telling you that's Will."

"But, baby—"

"Enough." This time it was Justin shutting her down. "He's said his piece. He's right, it's his decision. Our job as his parents is to support him, not criticise."

"Even if we think he's making the wrong decision?" Adrienne asked.

"Especially if we think he is," Justin added.

###

Sonny knocked on the door, grinning when Will opened it. "Well my day has been… interesting."

"Mine too," Will said, pulling Sonny into the room. "Get what you need?"

"Yeah, along with a wonderful conversation with Paul."

"How bad was it?"

"…Better than I thought it would be," he said, running his hands down Will's arms. "The conversation with my parents? Less so."

"Well, for what it's worth, my mom is in our corner."

"I have an idea," Sonny said, his voice dropping low as he shifted further into Will's personal space. "How about… we just forget that the world out there exists for a little while?"

"I… like this idea," Will grinned as Sonny started to kiss along his jaw line. "What world?"

"Son," Will said, putting his hands on Sonny's shoulders to hold him firm a short distance from him. "Are we… we're going to be OK?"

"What?"

"It's been one day and already things are… hard. And they're only going to get harder. I can't imagine Paul taking this easily and just letting us get on with our lives."

"Where's this coming from?" Sonny asked.

"I just… I need to be sure," Will said.

"Of me? Of us?" Sonny took a step backwards. "Will, I love you. I left Paul—"

"For me, I know, but you can't put that on me."

"What?"

"I don't want that responsibility, I don't want you to… What happens if we don't work out? What if this falls apart and you end up hating me? Hating me because you left your husband for me, argued with your family, and—"

"What if we make it?" Sonny countered. "What if you're the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with? What if we are happier than we ever thought we could be?"

"And I want that, more than anything I want that. I love you, Sonny, you know I do. But if that was enough then you and Paul—"

"Stop, stop, stop," Sonny said quickly. "You know this. You know that I don't love Paul like this, like I do you. I care about him, I guess I'll always love him a way. But it's more like… it's like you and Gabi. You love her, I know you do, but it's different because it's not right. It doesn't fit with who you are and it doesn't feel right. It doesn't sit right here," he said, putting his hand on Will's chest. "You… you're here," Sonny continued, moving his hand to his own chest. "You've always been here, you will always be here."

"And Paul is always going to be out there, and Adrienne who will take every chance she gets to tell you that I'm not good enough for you, that you were happier with Paul, you can make it work with Paul, and all of your friends are going to have to choose sides. And that's before we start thinking about work, about what you're going to do. You own a business together, Sonny, you can move out of your apartment, you can close a joint account, but how are you going to disentangle your business?"

"I will figure it out, we will figure it out," Sonny said. "But I can't do it without you."

"You won't, you won't," Will said, "I'm not, this isn't… I don't want to lose you, Son, I don't, but we can't pretend that everything is going to be OK from here on out. We can't just… be us without thinking about them."

"We can't live our lives for them though," Sonny replied. "If we spend all our time making sure we don't upset them then what? We don't kiss or show any intimacy when we're out in public? We act like we're not together, that we don't love each other? That you don't make me happier than I have ever been?

"On my wedding day I stood there, after the ceremony, and watched Paul with the few friends of his who had bothered to turn up. And I remember thinking 'that's my husband, he's my husband' and feeling… no different to the day before. I loved him, of course I did, and I was happy but… everything had changed for us and I didn't feel it. Paul told me that as soon as that ring was on his finger, as soon as they declared it? He said he felt different.

"Want to know when I felt different?" Sonny asked. "That night, here with you. After the explosion in the tunnel."

"You know that, you get that," Will said. "I don't. I don't have that comparison."

"You think that matters?"

"You think that it doesn't?"

"Who says your first love can't be your only? The storybooks have to get it from somewhere, right?" Sonny said with a half-laugh. "You're not my first, you're not the first man I said 'I love you' to. You're not the first man I've kissed, been with, made plans with. But I want you to be the last, Will. I want you to be the last man I ever share anything with."

"I'm just scared," Will admitted. "What if I can't give you that? I'm still figuring all this out and I'm going to get it wrong and—"

"And you think I have all the answers?" Sonny interrupted. "I'm figuring this out, just the same as you are."

"You have more of a clue than I do," Will laughed.

"So… how about we make a deal," Sonny said, moving closer to Will. "You and I? We don't stop talking. Whatever it is that worries you, concerns you, scares you, freaks you out… you talk to me. Always."

"Always," Will repeated.

"Good. Now can we get back to what we were planning?" Sonny grinned.

"Remind me, what was that?"

Still laughing, Sonny put his hands on Will's waist, all but shoving him back onto the bed before climbing atop him.

###

Will woke to the sounds of Sonny's hushed but urgent voice, and it took him a while to realise that it wasn't directed at him. He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed as Sonny ended the call.

"I have to go," Sonny said.

"Everything OK?"

"That was Lauren," Sonny said, hurriedly getting dressed as he looked around for his shirt. "Paul's put out a promotion and she's swamped at the coffee house."

"A promotion?"

"Yeah, we have most of Salem at the counter, all wanting their 75% off coffee."

"How much?" Will asked.

"Too much," Sonny said through gritted teeth.

"You think he did this on purpose?"

"No, I know he did," Sonny replied. "I gotta get down there."

"Want me to come with you?"

"No, it's fine. I'll see you."

And with that Sonny was gone, still doing up his shirt as he left.

###

It took two hours for Sonny to bring the promotion to a close, and by the end of it he was ready for war. When she'd not been able to get in touch with Paul Lauren had called Sonny, close to tears and quitting because this was not what she signed up for. Sonny had promised her double time, helped out, and asked everyone where they'd seen the promotion advertised. As soon as he had what he felt was a complete list Lauren had willingly escaped to remove all promotional materials, putting up an "Offer Expired" sign on the door as she left.

The door chime went once more and Sonny looked up, weary and reluctant, until he saw Paul's innocent smile.

"Happy?" Sonny asked.

"I hear the place was packed," Paul said.

"Yeah. And we lost around three bucks per customer. So great promotion."

"You know how it is in business, Sonny. You start with a discount to get them hooked, then they come back and pay full price."

"Yeah, but you don't spring it on your business partner, and you certainly don't do it when you've been up and running for almost a year."

"Business partner," Paul repeated. "Is that what we are now?"

"Paul—"

"I'm sorry, it was a late night idea. Got a lot of time on my hands now."

"You don't do this again," Sonny said, pointing a handful of receipts at him. "You talk to me first."

"Got it."

"This was a shitty move, Paul."

"I was trying to distract myself."

"That's a shitty move too," Sonny said, not rising to the bait. "I spoke to Dad, he's drawing up some papers for us to sign."

"Divorce papers?"

"No, for the business. Until we sort this out between us I want a legal agreement that anything to do with this place has to be run by both of us. That way neither one of us can do something without the other knowing about it."

"Fine," Paul said. "But not needed. It won't happen again."

"I should hope not. Poor Lauren was overwhelmed this morning."

"I know, I saw her just now. Told her to have a week off, paid of course, by way of apology."

"And there you go again," Sonny said. "What have I _just_ been talking about?"

"We haven't signed anything yet, Sonny," Paul said.

"Am I interrupting?" Will said as he walked in.

"Yes," Sonny smiled, "but it is very much welcome."

"I thought you would want to know that Lauren called me. I spoke to T and a few others on campus, they kept an eye out for any other fliers and stuff around campus. Found a few that were… very strategically placed," he said, shooting a look at Paul. "But we got them and people know, so I don't think there will be anyone coming in demanding cheap coffee."

"Thank you," Sonny said, making a point to kiss Will. "Coffee?"

"Yeah," Will said, pulling out a ten dollar bill from his wallet. "Don't even think about it," he said when he saw Sonny go to push it away, "I'm not looking to scam you."

They heard the door close before they noticed Paul had gone, before they both burst into giggles.

"Hey, um, don't do that again," Will said as Sonny put his coffee in front of him and rang up the full price sale.

"Do what?"

"Kiss me."

"What, not ever?" Sonny asked as he put down the change on the counter.

"You know what I mean. We can't flaunt this, put on a show. It's not natural, it's not us, and I don't want anyone thinking that what we have, who we are, is forced or—"

"I get it," Sonny said. He reached out and put his hand on Will's arm. "Is this still OK?"

"It's OK," Will replied. "So how bad was today?"

"… Bad," Sonny sighed. "Massive hit on the bottom line. We'll be fine if we can have a few good weeks, get some serious footfall coming in."

"Is that going to happen?"

"I'll make it happen," Sonny grinned.

"So determined."

"Always am," he laughed.

###

Will dropped his bag of books onto the table and looked around. He sighed when he saw Paul coming out from the back, a sentiment reciprocated when Paul spotted him.

"Sonny about?"

"In the back," Paul said.

"Thank you," Will replied.

"He'll be a while. Reports are due."

"I can wait."

"New rule, you stay, you buy."

"Coffee then."

"Right to refuse service has always stood."

"Paul." Sonny's warning tone was sharp.

"No, it's OK. I can work in the Square. Beautiful fall day, wouldn't want to waste it."

"Let me get your coffee to go then," Sonny said, walking towards the counter.

"Bring it with you when you're on break."

"It could be a while," Paul said. "You know what he's like with numbers."

"Bring the books then, I'll have a look," Will said.

"He's right, it could be a while," Sonny said.

"It's fine, you're worth waiting for," Will said. He gave a knowing smirk before he very purposefully kissed Sonny.

"That was for my benefit," Paul said.

"And your refusal to serve him was—"

"Can you blame me?" Paul replied. "He wrecked my marriage—"

"So did I," Sonny pointed out.

"And your point is? I don't know what else you expect from me, Sonny. I may have to put up with you because of this place but don't expect me to be friendly and warm and dishing out the coffee."

"That last one is a requirement for a coffee house," Sonny pointed out.

"Right to refuse service."

"You don't have to be here. This was always my business, my show."

"My money," Paul pointed out. "And what else am I going to do? Sit in the apartment, staring at the walls?"

"Fine, then you stay here," Sonny said, grabbing his coat from under the counter. "I'm going to go."

"The books—"

"Will be done. But it's not like I need to be here for it. Draw up a rota, Paul. You and me, equal shifts. Whatever you want but you and me? We don't have to share shifts. Probably shouldn't."

"Probably best."

"Thursday morning we can get together, sign anything we need to for the business, but maybe we should… keep some distance."

"You make it sound easy."

"Easier maybe?"

"For you," Paul said. "You get to spend the afternoon with your boyfriend and I get what? Mugs and coffee and syrup?"

"Paul—"

"Just go," he sighed. "I don't want the fight, I don't… I don't want to even be doing this."

Sonny nodded and, after collecting the books, left the coffee house. Paul busied himself for a while, flicking through papers as he would any other day. The countersigned order forms were simple enough, just like any other one they had placed. On any other day Sonny would have sent them over to their suppliers but he was so keen to get out that he'd left them behind. So Paul would be the good guy, picking up the slack after his distracted business partner. After a few minor alterations on the numbers that was.

###

"How bad is it?" Will asked.

"Bad enough," Sonny said. "They're saying these are the quantities on the order form but I know what I wrote down."

"This is what you get for still favouring the paper form," Will quipped. From the other end of the phone line he could hear Sonny's glare. "Paul?"

"Who else?" Sonny asked. "I'm sorry, this is going to take ages to sort out."

"It's fine," Will said, looking at the pile of books on his desk. "I have work."

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Sonny, don't worry about it. Do what you need to do to make sure that this doesn't happen again."

"You sound like you want to get rid of me," Sonny laughed. "Looking for a night alone?"

"Yeah, there's this dorm party I've been invited to, only I need to lose the ball and chain."

"Ball and chain?"

"Yeah," Will laughed softly.

"Good thing I love you."

"I love you too," Will said.

"I might be late back."

"I don't care."

"See you."

Will hung up the phone and sighed as the pounding bass from the dorm party increased. Sighing he gathered up his books and left for the library, figuring he would make the most of his now-free evening. Holed up in a corner of the library he finished off one assignment and made his way through most of a second before he became aware of the cramp in his back. He patted his pockets, looking for his phone, before he realised he'd left it behind in his room.

Deciding enough was enough he packed up his things and made his way back to the dorms. He was surprised to find it quiet and dark, usually dorm parties ran late unless they were shut down by security. It was only when he opened his door and saw Sonny sitting on the edge of it that he realised.

"What time is it?"

"Stopped checking after one." Sonny nodded over at the desk. "You left your phone."

"I didn't know, sorry. I couldn't work with the noise from the party."

"I didn't know where you were."

"I thought I'd be back, I didn't realise what time it was, I'm sorry," Will said, dropping his bag and shrugging his jacket. "If I'd known you were here, I would—"

"Would you?" Sonny asked.

"What? Yes, of course I would. Sonny…"

"You said about the party and I thought… I realised that you're in school, you're supposed to be out there and enjoying yourself. Instead you're tied to the guy with a failed marriage and—"

"Hey," Will said, dropping to his knees in front of Sonny. "This was my choice too, remember?"

"I remember being in this room and you pushing me away."

"I remember the night I didn't," Will said. "I remember all the nights since where I didn't. Sonny—"

"My life is a mess at the moment. Tonight it was… very clear that this thing with Paul isn't going to be easy and it probably won't be clean either."

"Are you trying to put me off?" Will said, resting his hands on Sonny's knees. "If I'd known I promise… You think I would choose a library and a sore back over being here with you?"

Sonny smiled and laughed softly. "I'm sorry. Bad day."

"Yeah, getting that."

"Goes with your bad back?"

"…yeah," Will said, wincing slightly. "You'd think with all the money they get through fees and donations from people like—"

"Like my husband," Sonny finished.

"Yeah, that they'd be able to afford better chairs."

"Am glad they don't," Sonny said. "Otherwise you'd have spent the whole night there and I'd have had to sleep alone."

"Sleep?"

"Yeah, I'm exhausted."

"Me too." Will pushed up a little to kiss Sonny. "Just going to go to the bathroom, be right back."

When he came back Sonny was already curled up in bed, fighting sleep. Will slid in behind him, his arm around Sonny's waist. Under the covers Sonny's hand found his, their fingers clasping together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: the next post will go up Sunday night (23 August) due to a late summer break!


	13. Chapter 13

The morning started like any other, they woke, shared the small bathroom, Sonny made coffee and handed over a mug with a soft kiss.

"I'll get that," Will laughed when there was a knock at the door. He opened it and sighed when he saw the admissions officer standing there, with a file of papers in his hand. "Hey Mr Woods, what's…" He trailed off when he saw the look on Woods' face. "Something wrong?"

"We need to talk," Mr Woods said.

"About what?" Will asked.

Woods sighed. "Dorm rules are pretty clear and straightforward, Mr Horton. No extended guests are allowed."

"No, he… we…" Sonny started, but it was clear from the state of the room that he'd not just dropped by. "It's fine, I'll go."

"So will you," Woods said, handing the file over to Will. "Rules are clear, any breach of the accommodation contract can result in eviction."

"You're kicking me out?" Will exclaimed, flicking through the paperwork.

"I'll go, I didn't know," Sonny said. "I'll move into the mansion for now, we'll figure it out—"

"Are you kidding me?" Will said. "People throw parties all the time, have people stay over and it's no big deal."

"It is," Woods replied, "and we deal with each and every complaint as they come in."

"Are you saying someone complained?" Sonny asked.

"I can't believe it," Will muttered, "they all said they didn't care about me being gay."

"This isn't about who you choose to have stay over," Woods said quickly, "this is about the fact that you have had an extended guest in this room in clear violation of dorm policy. We are within our rights to terminate—"

"Or give him a warning?" Sonny said. "This seems a little extreme for a first offence."

"The University has decided to take a zero tolerance policy on all rule violations. The number of offences are… not the point." Wood sighed. "I just do what I'm told, it's as simple as that. Usually you need to vacate the room immediately, but I was able to swing you a day. You got until lunchtime tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"This is my fault," Sonny said when they were alone.

"No, it's not."

"Will, I pretty much moved in when I left Paul and…"

"Yeah," Will said. "Woods did not look happy about this and we both know that bigger things go on here than me pretty much moving my boyfriend in."

"He's being made to do this," Sonny said.

"And who do we know who would be able to make someone do this? Someone who has strong financial ties to the University?"

"He wouldn't," Sonny said.

"Really? The same man who refused me service wouldn't kick me out of here?"

"I'm going to—"

"Get your things, move in with your parents," Will said. "We don't have any proof of this."

"Will—"

"We don't. And if you go in there and accuse him of setting this up then you're going to be giving him what he wants."

"Which is?"

"I… have no idea."

"You don't fancy coming with me?"

"What? And moving into the Kiriakis mansion?"

"Uncle Vic likes you."

"My Aunt Maggie likes me. Victor tolerates me which is more than can be said for your parents."

"So where will you go?"

"No way I can go to the DiMera's, and Dad's apartment is barely big enough for him."

"So what now?"

"I'll figure something out."

"What if we were to get something?" Sonny asked. "You and me."

"What? Properly move in together?"

"Why not?"

"How about because we have enough going on without throwing in living together?" Will said. "It's… fine. There's one person I reckon I can ask."

"Who?" Sonny asked as Will grabbed his phone and dialled a number.

"Hey, John, it's Will," he said as the call was answered. "Um, is Grandma there? I have… a very big favour to ask."

###

"You got everything you need?" Marlena asked.

"Yeah, thank you so much for this, Grandma," Will said as he dropped the last box on the bed. "I know I'm putting you out—"

"It's fine. I have a spare room, and you know I love having you stay."

"Yeah, but this is a little bit more than the occasional overnight."

"Will, honey, it's fine," she smiled.

"Still. We appreciate it," Sonny said.

"I'll leave you boys to get everything in place, if you need me you know where to find me." Marlena kissed Will on the cheek and put her hand on Sonny's arm as she left.

"You OK with this?"

"Oh yeah, it's everybody's dream. Living with his grandmother and realising that he is going to get _no_ alone time with his still-married boyfriend."

"We'll be fine," Sonny said, pulling Will into a hug. "We will be just fine."

"How do you know that?" Will mumbled into Sonny's shoulder.

"Because I love you, you love me, and we are working through everything that has been thrown at us. I'm getting separation papers drawn up."

"Separation papers?"

"Divorce for a non-legal wedding." Sonny pulled back. "Just got to work out the details."

"Who gets what?"

"He can have it all, I don't really care."

"That's not fair, you built up that business."

"Paul's money. I don't care."

"You can't just roll over and give him everything. It's your life too, Sonny."

"I'd like to think that this is my life," he said, running his hands down Will's arms. "You, me, us?"

"I have no idea what my life is like at the best of times," Will said. "You're putting a lot of faith in me. In us."

"I love you."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes, it is. You're worth it, Will. You're worth a lot."

"I really hope you're right." Sonny sighed and gave that sad smile that Will was seeing a lot recently. "Don't do that," Will said. "Don't… Don't look at me like I'm some kind of charity."

"That is the last thing you are," Sonny replied, all hint of teasing and good nature gone from his voice. He was firm, sure and determined. "This isn't… you're not some kind of project for me."

"Still doesn't change the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing."

"And you think I do?" Sonny asked. "I mean it, Will. Every relationship is different, every partner that you have… I'm not working from any rule book here, there's no script I'm following."

"I just—"

"We should celebrate you moving in."

"Son, I would love that, but my grandma—"

Sonny laughed. "I was talking about a date. I'm taking you out to dinner tonight. Somewhere nice."

"What?" Will laughed.

"Dress up nice, I'll pick you up at seven."

"You're serious?"

"I'm serious. Seven. Dress up. Wear a tie."

"A tie?" Will spluttered.

"Yeah, thin strip of fabric, usually worn around the neck with a shirt?"

"Yeah , I know what it is. Own a few."

"Good. Wear one," Sonny said, kissing Will gently. "Make it blue."

"Blue?"

"Yeah, brings out your eyes."

"Fine," Will laughed. "Seven, blue tie, anything else?"

"Yeah. Can you trust me?"

"Trust me?"

"I know what I'm doing. I made my choice."

"Me," Will sighed.

"Yeah. This… mess, it's temporary."

"I know, been through it a few times with my parents. There were times I thought they were going to kill each other, the times with EJ were ever worse because… well," he said with a shrug. "Never thought I'd be in this position. I never wanted to be this guy."

"Never thought I'd be this guy myself," Sonny said. "But I don't have any regrets."

Sonny kissed Will, pulling him in close and keeping him there. He wasn't aware of what they were doing until he felt the edge of the bed pressing up against the back of his knees. He fell onto the bed, pulling Will down with him in a fit of giggles. Will rolled off him, curled into his side, and nuzzled against his cheek.

"Are you happy?" Will whispered.

"Very," Sonny whispered back. "Happier than I've ever been."

"Me too."

They lulled into silence, surrounded by boxes and bags, and when Marlena came to check on them to see if they wanted any lunch she found them asleep.

###

Somewhere between the mains and dessert Will finally allowed himself to relax into the date. It was simple, natural between them. Any lapses in conversation were natural and there was no pressure to fill them. They talked about everything from sports to music to Will's developing writing habits. When Sonny suggested he look into it as a career option Will had shaken his head and dismissed it. Not for the first time he caught the look in Sonny's eye, the one that made it clear how Sonny felt about this negativity.

But he said nothing.

They shared cheesecake, Sonny paid the bill, and they began the walk back to Will's new home.

"I don't know why I keep doing this," Will said in one of the lapses. "It's like there's a switch in my head I can't flick back, no matter how much I try to."

"Have you ever talked to anyone about it?"

"Are you saying I need to see a therapist?"

"No," Sonny said quickly. "Maybe? I'm not pushing you to do anything. But it worries me that you're always thinking like this."

"Like what? Like I'm not good enough?"

"Will—"

"You know what I hear the most around campus? In all the gossip and looks and everything, there is one thing that keeps coming up over and over. How can you leave Paul Narita for me? All Star player for an all star screw up."

"Will—"

"He's smart and funny and gorgeous and rich and—"

"And he's not you," Sonny said, grabbing Will's wrists so that he would stop flailing around so much. "You think all that stuff matters to me? It's what I look for? Will…" He let go of Will's wrists and held his face. "I want to be with someone who gets me. Who doesn't make excuses for my failings—"

"What failings?" Will mumbled.

"But instead helps me with the books," Sonny finished "I want to be with someone who… I want to be with you. Because when I'm with you it finally feels like anything and everything is right and it's possible. The sneaking around with Paul was exciting and fun but I didn't settle into the reality and so I kept chasing that thrill. And with you I don't feel that desire to go and chase something that we don't have. I don't want what we had before."

"What did we have before?"

"Just a friendship? Snatched moments and hiding away? We have moved on from that, we are moving on from that, and that's what I want. I want a future with you, Will."

"What? The whole marriage and kids thing?"

"Yeah," Sonny said before he could stop himself. "Maybe? I mean, not right now."

"Good, seeing as you're still married."

"Not—"

"Don't do that," Will said. "You told me once that is was real to you so it didn't matter what anyone else thought. Don't diminish it now, not for me."

"What I mean is that whatever comes next I want it to happen with you. I'm not desperate to hang on to what we have now because I'm OK with things changing."

"And what do you see them changing to?" Will asked.

"When things settle down we can start making plans for our future. You and me."

"Not sure how I feel about travelling."

"Doesn't have to be that."

"Yeah, like you can sit still for more than a few months without getting bored."

"I can't imagine ever being bored with you, Will Horton."

"Oh, it'll happen," he said. "You know how I get when it's time for finals."

"True," Sonny said, linking his arm with Will's, "but I think we'll get through it just fine."

"Hope so." They carried on walking for a moment before Will asked, "How do you know?"

"Know what?"

"Know that I'm the one?"

"I… just do. You're just there, in my life, in every part of it when I think about what my life, what my future is going to be."

"Was it like that with Paul?"

"Not really. I mean, he was there, sure, and I thought that's what it meant, but… Now I realise that he was there in those ideas because I put him there. Because he was the one I was with and so when it came to the things I wanted—"

"Like getting married."

"Then he was the one that I saw them happening with."

"And me?"

"The things I think about? The things I want? They happen _because_ it's you," Sonny said. "I'm not explaining this very well, am I?"

"No, no I think I get it," Will said quietly.

###

Will closed the door quietly, but when he turned around he jumped. "I didn't think you would still be up."

"Couldn't sleep," Marlena said, putting the bookmark into place.

"You weren't waiting up for me were you?" he asked. "It's not too late is it? I did try to get back—"

"Will, honey, stop," she laughed. "This is your home and I want you to know that you are free to come and go as you please, OK? Obviously the later it is the quieter we'd like you to be, but there's no curfew."

"Thank you."

"You say that like it's some imposition to have you here," Marlena said. "John and I love having you around. So, how was your night?"

"Really good," Will said, kissing her cheek before dropping into the chair next to her. "Great restaurant, good food, fantastic conversation and company."

"I'm happy for you."

"Even though I'm happy with someone else's husband?"

"Be a little hypocritical for me to object," Marlena pointed out. "I just want you to be happy, and if Sonny makes you happy then you have my support."

"Can I talk to you? About something?"

"Always," she smiled.

"Well actually, I want to ask you something. And it's… really personal, you can say no—"

"Will, darling, it's OK. Ask."

"When you left Grandpa Roman, why did you want to get married to John so soon?" 

"Has Sonny—?"

"No, nothing like that," Will said. "But I'm worried he… He wanted to get married to Paul, he was the one to ask, the one to encourage him to come out. And all through it all he was the one supporting and guiding him."

"Things he's also done with you," Marlena pointed out.

"I love him. I'm… completely in love with him. But so was Paul. He still is."

"What is it you're worried about?"

"Nothing. Everything." He put his head in his hands. "He started talking about our future tonight."

"And that worried you?"

"No… I want it, I do, I… He's the one, Grandma. He really is."

"So what's the problem?"

"This is all… really quick. It wasn't until I was kicked out of the dorm that I realised we'd pretty much moved in together."

"Did you talk about it?"

"Moving in? No. It just… happened. He stayed and he didn't leave. And it felt right, it was right."

"Do you miss him?"

"…Why does that feel like a trick question?" Will laughed.

"Not a trick, a genuine question. You two were spending a lot of time in each other's company, now—"

"Yeah, OK, I miss him."

"You know this isn't a convent, Sonny is more than welcome to stay over."

"That's… Can I get back to you on that one?"

"No pressure," Marlena said. "So you miss Sonny, you love him, you think he's the one. But there's something else."

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Grandma."

"There is nothing wrong with you."

"I have a gorgeous man who… has made the biggest gesture for me. He's… everything I could want in a partner. I think."

"You think?"

"Sonny knows what he wants, he's been out there, dated, even got married."

"But you haven't done any of that," Marlena said. "You came out, had a few dates, and now you're in a serious relationship with a man who is currently dealing with the fallout of leaving his husband."

"What? You think that this is too much? That I rushed into it? That Sonny did?"

"I didn't say any of that," Marlena pointed out. "You did."

"That's not fair."

"But is it true?"

"I'm… scared that it is," Will admitted. "What if this is too much, too soon? I love him and I want to be with him, but…"

"Have you spoken to him about this?"

"Because that's a conversation you want to have. I know you left your husband for me, and your life is a total mess because of it, but maybe we should take a step back and think about whether this is the right thing for us?"

The silence that hung between them was heavy; Will finally voicing his fear seemed to shock him. 

"I love him."

"I know you do, darling."

"He loves me, I know he does. I know."

"You need to talk to him."

"I can't do that to him," Will said. "He gave up… everything for me."

"All the more reason you need to be honest with him. Do you want to end things with Sonny?"

"No, no of course not," Will said quickly. "You know how much I love him."

"I do. But it's not always enough."

"If we don't make it—"

"You're worried that he'll what? Hate you? Resent you?"

"To start with," Will said.

"There could be more?"

"Sonny… he's all or nothing. I know he loves me because he doesn't hold back."

"And?"

"And when you put everything into something… it means something."

"It means a lot."

"It means that this can't fail. It means that me and him… we have to make it."

"So that's why you think he's talking about your future?"

"How do I tell him that I don't know what I want without making it sound like I don't want a future with him?"

"By telling him that you love him and you want a future with him, but that you need things to slow down. Honey, there is nothing wrong with that. It shows maturity, thought, and a lot of consideration for the other person."

"You don't think he'll hate me?"

"He loves you. And if he wants a future with you then it'll need to be right for both of you."

"I love talking to you," Will smiled. "You make everything seem… clearer. Simpler."

"I didn't do anything, you did all the talking."

"Yeah, well, you still make it easier."

"I'm glad," she smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, it's way past my bedtime." Marlena stood, crossed over to him and kissed the top of his head. "Sleep well."

"You were staying up for me," Will laughed.

"Prove it," she smiled. "Goodnight, darling."

"Night, Grandma. Thank you."

###

"You look tired," Adrienne said as Sonny poured a very large cup of coffee. "You sleeping OK?"

"I'm fine," he replied curtly.

"Baby—"

"I'll get breakfast at work," he said, heading for the door.

"Please," she said, "stay. Talk to me. You've barely said anything to me since you moved in."

"You still against me seeing Will?"

"Sonny—"

"That's a yes. See you, Mom."

"It's a can we talk?" she said quickly. "Please?"

Sonny sighed and turned back to the table. "One word out of place…"

"I get it. I understand. Well, I'm trying to."

"Trying to understand what?"

"You. What you're doing, why you're doing it—"

"I love him."

"I know, you say it—"

"I'm more than saying it, Mom," Sonny said, putting his mug down on the table with such force that the coffee slopped out and splashed on his hand. "Dammit."

"Are you OK?" Adrienne asked, already out of her seat and by his side with her napkin to hand.

"I'm fine, I don't need you taking care of me," Sonny snapped, shaking his hand.

"Well that's not going to stop me," she snapped back, grabbing his hand and inspecting it. "You should run this under some cold water."

"Mom—"

"Don't try and tell me that it's not hot enough, go run it under cold water."

"Fine. I will."

"You know I'm right, it'll make it feel better. And that's all I want," she added quietly. "For you to feel better. I know you're hurting, I know this is a mess… Whatever it takes to make you feel better I'm all for."

"I love him, Mom. I love him like I've never loved anyone. We are just getting started and it's… it's so much _more_ than I ever had with Paul. I'm not just talking about the passion—"

"Too much, baby," she laughed.

"But it's… it's everything. Just being next to him is enough, Mom. Last night at dinner it was the most natural thing in the world for me, the most comfortable. We talked so much that our dinner went cold, and when we were eating I would catch him looking at me and… my heart just stopped, Mom. I swear to god it stopped.

"You know that Buddhist quote about being calm? He's that. He's…"

"I get it," Adrienne said. "I believe you, I trust you."

"I didn't want to hurt Paul, it was the last thing I wanted. I care about him, I hate that he's hurting and that I did it."

"Is that why you're planning on giving him everything? Your dad told me."

"I knew I should have given him a dollar," Sonny laughed.

"Trust me. Having everything that you two built together isn't going to make everything better."

"You think we should just sell up?"

"I think you should talk to Paul about what he wants."

"You think he'll listen?"

"I think you should at least ask. If you and Will are going to make a go of things then you need to make peace. It's hard, seeing your ex around if you haven't settled things between the two of you, I mean just look at Sami and—"

"Will is _not_ his mom!"

"That wasn't what I meant, Sonny, don't be like that," Adrienne said. "I just meant that every time Sami has unfinished business with Lucas or Rafe or EJ it ends up in heartbreak for whomever she is with."

"So if I don't sort this thing out with Paul it could hurt me and Will?"

"Do you want to take the risk?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because," she sighed, "because you are happier."

"I'm so happy, Mom. All this mess with Paul aside… I'm happy."

"Then you need to make sure you can stay that way. Talk to Paul. And run some cold water over your hand."

"Yes, Mom," Sonny said, kissing her cheek.

"Good boy," she smiled.

###

Paul watched Sonny as he made the coffee, even adding a splash of syrup to the second mug. When Sonny brought them over he held the mug out.

"What's this about?" Paul asked.

"I thought it was about time we talked this through. This, us, our… divorce."

"Back to calling it that?" Paul asked.

"We were married. It was real, I won't deny that."

"Thank you."

It was quiet, unexpected, and for a moment the expression of gratitude caught Sonny off guard. "I'm sorry. I know you're sick of hearing that, but I really am."

"Why him?" Paul asked. "What does he give you that I wasn't?"

"It's not like that—"

"Then what is it? What makes him better than me?"

"Better? No, Paul, it's not like that. It's not a case of who is better."

"Was it something I did?"

"No—"

"Something I didn't do?"

"Paul—"

"Tell me how to fix this," Paul said, reaching out and grabbing Sonny's left hand. "Tell me what I need to do, what needs to change." He rubbed his thumb over the wedding band. "You haven't taken it off. That's got to mean something, Sonny. You must still feel something, all of that time, those years together, they can't just be gone."

"Paul—"

"Do you still love me?"

Sonny looked at their joined hands, then up at the man across from him. "Paul…"

"Please. Just… tell me the truth."

"Yeah," he breathed. "Paul, of course I still love you."

"Then we can make it work. My mom always says, so long as you've got love you can work on anything. Fix anything."

"Not this."

"Sonny—"

"Don't do this, Paul."

"Then tell me how we got here," Paul said, getting up from his seat. "We were happy, we had everything. How can it all be just gone? Or did we never have it to begin with? Was it all a lie?"

"No, Paul, of course not," Sonny said, getting to his feet and moving towards him.

"Our wedding day was the best day of my life, and now you're telling me that there are better days out there with Will? Are you telling me that he is going to love you like I do? Give up everything for you?"

"I never asked you to do that for me."

"Yes, you did," Paul said, "because that's what love is. Love is what prompted me to come out, love is why I said yes to your proposal. Love is why we came to Salem to settle down near your family instead of staying in San Francisco. Love is this damn place, Sonny, because starting a coffee house was your dream, not mine."

"What do you want, Paul? We can sell this place, take the money—"

"I don't care about the money, Sonny, I care about you. I care about the life we were building, the life you're just throwing away."

"I didn't plan it. I never set out to hurt you."

"Then stop this," Paul said. "Come home. I miss you."

"I can't," Sonny whispered.

"Yes, you can. It's easy, instinctual, natural. We are so natural together."

"I know, but—"

The rest of the sentence was stilled as Paul closed the distance between them, pulling Sonny into a kiss. And it was easy and instinctual and natural to kiss him back.


	14. Chapter 14

"Your grandmother tells me you had a good night," John said as he joined Will for breakfast. "Sonny was the perfect gentleman, dropped you off at the door."

"I already got the 'no curfew' speech," Will said.

"Yeah, well I drew the short straw."

"What?"

"Look, Will, this… this is your home now. And as such we want you to feel at home. Which means you can't be tiptoeing around us and feeling like you… you can't do stuff."

"Like what?" Will asked.

"Like… you don't need to tell us when you're going to be out unless we're expecting you in for dinner. And you have a key so you don't have to worry about when you come home."

"So long as I'm quiet, yeah, Grandma said."

"And you also don't have to worry about… sneaking around. If you get what I mean."

It took a second for Will to read into John's awkwardness and then he flushed with embarrassment. "Right. Yes."

"I mean, you're consenting adults and young men, and—"

"Yeah, got it. Thanks."

"What I've been told to say is—"

"Thanks, got it. Understood. Thank you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you can stop talking now."

"Oh thank god. Don't get me wrong, Will. I like you and you and Sonny have my full support, it's just that—"

"You're still talking, John," Will said quickly. "Please. Stop."

"Right. Yes, well." John looked around for something to change the topic of conversation, eventually deciding on the plate in front of Will. "You want anything else for breakfast?"

"No, no I've lost my appetite," Will said numbly, getting to his feet. "Think I'll make a start to my day."

"Early class?"

"No," Will said, leaving before John said anything else.

###

"Come home," Paul breathed between kisses, his hands pulling at Sonny's shirt. "Come back with me."

Paul's confidence, his intimate knowledge of what to do, was addictive in a way that Sonny had forgotten. The tiny kisses down the side of his neck, tracing a line to his collarbone while the arms that he'd slept in every night for years were firm around him.

"Paul…"

"I love you, we can make this work."

"Paul—"

"Please, Sonny. Come home. We have fought too long and too hard to just give up now."

"Stop," Sonny said, putting his hands on Paul's chest and pushing away. It only gained him a few inches but it was enough. "Paul…"

"You still love me."

"I love Will," Sonny said. "I love him."

"You kissed me," Paul said, his voice dropping to little more than a whisper. "You kissed me back, you wanted me."

"I…" Sonny started, but realised he had no way to argue that.

"We made some mistakes, I took so much about us for granted. But you have my word, Sonny, that won't happen again. I won't give you a reason to look anywhere but home for love and support and passion. When we got married I thought that was it, we were set, and I know now that it can't be like that if it's going to work."

"It won't work," Sonny said. "I love Will."

"But—"

"When I think about my future, I see him, Paul. I think about the life I want and Will is… It's him."

"But—"

"I love you and I care about you, but it's him. It will always be him."

"I can make you so happy," Paul said. "I will make you so happy, I promise."

"But I can't do that for you," Sonny said.

"You can," Paul stressed. "You do. Sonny, when I'm with you it's like nothing else in this world."

"I know," Sonny said gently, putting his hand on Paul's cheek. "But you don't make me feel like that."

"It doesn't matter—"

"It does. It does because we can't make it work if I don't want to be there. We can't make it work if I'm in love with someone else."

"You love me," Paul pointed out, "so how are you going to make it work with Will?"

"It's different," Sonny replied. "It's like… it's how Will still loves Gabi. It's how you still care about an ex."

"Or it's new and exciting and you think it's better but it's really not. Because once that dies away what are you left with? What we have now, Sonny. Love and security and real life. You told me once that real life, real love isn't about us always being in bed together. It's about this," Paul said, stepping away from Sonny and gesturing to the coffee house. "It's about us making something of what we have."

"It's not going to happen," Sonny said. "I'm sorry. I know you think we should be able to work through this, and maybe in another lifetime we could have. But I'm with Will now. It's where I want to be, it's where I'm supposed to be."

"So that's it? We're done?"

"Paul, we were done a long time ago. I was… Part of the reason I wanted to come back here was because I thought that being among family would help me feel… grounded. Happier with things. That being here with my family, my friends would help me fill the gaps that I had in my life."

"Gaps?" Paul said.

"Yeah. I love you, I _loved_ you so much but I kept waiting for something more to happen. I thought it would happen when we got engaged and we had a plan for our future, when you came out and we could stop lying… But it never happened. That moment you had at our wedding when you called me your husband? I never had that with you."

"But you had it with Will?"

"I have it, over and over. From our first kiss to the goodnight one yesterday. That's why I know he's the one for me. It's more, Paul. I love you and I will probably always love you, but it's more with him."

"You're really choosing him?"

"I didn't plan it. I really thought it was you, I honestly did. I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I'd had any doubts."

"And you don't have any doubts about Will? Really?" Paul challenged. "He's newly out and we both know what that's like. He won't know what he wants because he's still figuring out who he is. And that is who you're choosing?"

"Will knows who he is and he knows what he wants," Sonny challenged.

"You know that's not true. What newly-out kid does?"

"You."

"I knew who I was long before I came out," Paul said. "We were in a relationship for over a year before that happened, all I did was make it public. You weren't my first, you know that. I knew who I was for a long time before that party, Will didn't have that time to get used to who he was."

"So you think he doesn't know what he wants?"

"I think that you two have gotten very serious, very quickly. You were pretty much living together—"

"Before you kicked him out of the dorms?"

"I didn't kick anyone out."

"No, you just spoke to the person who did. What? Did you threaten to pull funding?"

"I think you're a little paranoid, Sonny."

"Whatever," he dismissed. "Will knows what he wants, we've talked about it."

"You've talked about it? Living together, marriage, maybe having kids?"

"We barely did any of that—"

"And look what happened to us," Paul said. "I'm not saying this to start something, I'm just telling you something you already know."

"Which is?"

"That you and Will are in very different places. You and I, we were ready for marriage."

"I'm not about to propose to Will."

"No, but that's where you are," Paul said. "You're there, Sonny. You know what you want out of life and he doesn't."

"He will," Sonny said. "He will get there and I can wait."

"How long?"

"As long as it takes."

"If you say so," Paul said quietly. "Forgive me if I don't hold my breath."

"I wanted to talk about us, not Will."

"Fine. Keep this on the business."

"What do you want to do with it?" Sonny asked.

"This is your business, not mine," Paul said. "I don't want it. Only thing I like about coffee is drinking it."

"You gave me the start up," Sonny said.

"Which you reaped back within months. No, you… you did this. You built this place, not me."

"If you're sure."

"Nothing to keep me here," Paul said. "This was always your home, Son, not mine. That should have been my first clue."

"Where will you go?"

"Probably back to San Francisco. Dad's getting better but I should be there. Maybe patch things up a little with Mom? I don't know."

"I'm—"

"I'm getting really sick of hearing sorry," Paul said. "Doesn't change the fact that you destroyed everything that I thought was good in my life and you get to carry on as if it's all OK. You and Will can run this together, make a life and a home and have your happy ending." 

"Paul—"

"Are we done?" The double meaning wasn't lost on Sonny, and so he just nodded. "I'll do my shifts for the next few weeks, but I'd prefer it if you hired someone soon. I'm sure your dad can draw up the dissolution of partnership papers for this place. Sooner it's done sooner we can stop our Thursday meetings. Then maybe I can get my life back."

"Paul—"

"And I swear to god, if you say sorry one more time. Just… enough, Sonny. I can't do this anymore."

"OK," Sonny said.

"What happened to you?" Paul asked, starting for the door. "What happened the man I fell in love with, the good guy everyone talks about? Because right now? I look at you and I don't see him. I just… I'm not going to stop wanting my _husband_ back, Sonny, and I'm not going to apologise for that. And when you figure out who you are and what you want, do us all a favour and let us know. Because right now? You're just going to end up hurting _everyone_ , your baby gay included." He stopped by the door, looking back at Sonny for a second. "And you know I'm right. Why else would you have kissed me back?"

He watched Paul leave and then put his fingers on his lips, the trace of the kiss still lingering.

###

When Will's mid-morning class let out he laughed when he was greeted with Sonny, holding a bunch of flowers. "Really?" he asked.

"Hey, not just for the ladies," Sonny said, greeting him with a kiss.

"Roses, very…"

"Traditional. Classic."

"Predictable."

"If you don't want them…"

"I didn't say that," Will said, taking them from Sonny and kissing him again. "They're beautiful, thank you. And not to ruin the moment, but… why?"

"Do I need a reason?" he asked.

"No, but there usually is one."

"I had a meeting with Paul this morning."

"How did it go?"

"It was…" For a moment Sonny considered telling him, the confession formed six different ways on his lips. "It was hard," he ended up with. "But I get to keep the business."

"That's good."

"Doesn't feel right."

"You built that place up, Sonny."

"With Paul's help."

"You'd have done it without him, I know you would have. You could do anything if you set your mind to it."

"I love your faith in me," Sonny laughed, linking arms with him. "You got time for lunch?"

"Couple of hours before my next class. So… why come over today?"

"Just wanted to see you."

"You sure you're OK?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem… off. You sure everything's OK with Paul?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"So you get Common Grounds, what does he get?"

"He didn't ask for anything. To be honest there's not much else that we have that we'd need to split."

"You're not OK with that, are you? That you get the business and he gets nothing?"

"It was his choice."

"Yeah, but—"

"What do you want me to do? Force him to take something? It's what he wants, Will, and I have to respect that."

"I know that, Son, but—"

"He wants to cut ties, I hurt him."

"We hurt him."

"No, I did that. He thought that he was going to have a life with me, a future with me. He came out for me, and in the end I dump him."

"And run off with the town baby gay?"

"I really hate that phrase," Sonny laughed, leaning in a little closer.

"Look, I know what's happened is… awful, but you can't—"

"Blame myself?"

"I was going to say hate yourself."

"I just… want it all to be over. Once it's settled we can start working on our life together."

"Our life," Will said quietly.

"First thing we need to sort out, an apartment."

"Son—"

"I love my parents, I really do, but I need my own place. My own space."

"You should do that then," Will said, momentarily relieved.

"Good. I've got a shortlist, we can hopefully shorten it a little more over lunch?"

"We?" Will asked.

"Well I'm hoping that you'll be spending a lot of time there."

"Yeah, but it's going to be your place—"

Sonny stopped, pulling Will to a halt with him. "Is this your way of saying you don't want to move in with me?"

"…Maybe not yet," Will said. "It's a bit quick isn't it? Is there any rush?"

"No, but I just thought… hoped…"

"It's not that I won't stay over, Son—"

"You just don't want to make it permanent."

"Not yet. I love you, you know I do, I just need to… slow things down a bit."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, of course not."

"Because if you are—"

"Sonny, no," Will said. "I just… This is moving really quickly."

"What do you want, Will?" Sonny snapped, "because it would mean a lot if you could give me some idea where this is heading."

"Sonny—"

"You know what? I'll check out the apartments myself. Enjoy your lunch."

Will watched Sonny walk away from him, still trying to process what had just happened.

###

It would take a few hours for Sonny to calm down and realise that his little projection moment with Will had either turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, or pushed him away for good. 

###

"Tell me," Marlena sighed, folding over her paper and looking at Will.

"What?"

"You've been staring at one page, or more accurately staring into space, and tapping your pen. You only do that when you're frustrated. Tell me."

"I told Sonny I wanted to slow things down and he freaked out on me."

"Freaked out?"

"Well what would you call it when he snapped at me, walked away, and hasn't spoken to me since?"

"Since this morning? Honey, it's barely five."

"Yeah, and we text… all the time. One lecture I forgot to put my phone on silent and I nearly got kicked out."

"Have you texted him?"

"…No," Will admitted. "Not sure he wants to hear from me."

"So you're waiting to hear from him? What if he's thinking the same."

"He's waiting for me?"

"Could be."

"I wasn't the one who walked off!"

"Oh honey," she laughed, "it doesn't work like that in relationships. It's not about who did what or who said what. Sometimes it comes down to who is willing to make the first move to put things right."

"So I should text him?"

"If it stops you drumming out a beat on my table? Yes."

"Sorry," Will said, reaching for his phone. "I… I don't know what to say."

"Just be honest with him. The rest usually follows."

Will sighed, and started tapping at his phone. He pressed send before he could second guess himself. _I love you. Talk?_

He went back to staring at the book, balling his hands so he didn't start tapping his pen again. After what felt like an age the reply came back.

_Breakfast tomorrow? Meet in the square?_

Will looked up and nodded at his grandmother. 'Told you' she mouthed.

_You bring the coffee_ Will texted back. _Meant it. I love you. xx_

Almost immediately Sonny replied. _Love you too._

###

Sonny was waiting for Will when he arrived, holding out the coffee as if it were a peace offering. "Let me go first?" he asked.

Will took the cup and nodded.

"I was out of line yesterday, and I'm sorry. There really is no pressure on you, on us. I told you that before, it's still true today. We will go at whatever pace you want, but I'm not going to stop thinking about our future. You don't have to move in with me now, but one day? I'd like to think that you will. And one day we’ll get a place of our own. I'm not going to apologise for thinking we have a future together, or working towards that. But I am sorry that I pushed it on you."

"My turn?" Will asked.

"…Yeah," Sonny said, his response making it obvious that he hoped for a reaction.

"You know I want to be with you, but all that talk of moving in it… It freaked me out. And I've been trying to work out why. I just need to step back, get my head together. But I love you, that's not going to change."

"Part of me did wonder," Sonny admitted.

"We're heading in the same direction, Son, it's just… you have one hell of a head start."

"Paul said the same thing."

"He's not wrong," Will said as they took a seat. "But… just because I'm not moving in doesn't mean I'm against staying over. Still want me to look over these places with you?"

"I'm seeing a couple of them this afternoon if you're free?"

"Got a late lecture," Will said, "but I know a friend who owes me a favour and can take notes."

"You sure?"

"Some things are more important." Will leaned over and kissed Sonny's cheek.

"I am sorry for going off on you like that."

"I could have been more tactful," Will said. "Told you better."

"No, it's not you. This… this was all me," Sonny said, putting his arm around Will's shoulder and pulling him in close. He kissed Will's temple and laughed as he started to tear into the banana bread slices that came with the coffee. "I… If I ever do that to you again, if I _ever_ make you feel like you can't be honest with me? Leave me."

"I'm not—"

"Oh trust me, if you walk away I'm going to stop doing whatever it is I'm doing that is driving you away. Because I'm not losing you, Will."

"Good," Will said around a mouthful of banana bread, "I don't wanna be lost."

###

They arranged to meet back in the square at three, Will turned up early to get some reading done in lieu of his skipped class. He only looked up when the person who approached him sat next to him. "Paul, I—"

"Oh, I'm not staying," Paul said, "just felt like you should see something." He handed over the tablet, the video already cued up. "Karma if you will."

He reached across Will and tapped play, springing the still of the kiss into life. Will watched as Sonny gave into the kiss with Paul, responding with passion.

"I know how you're feeling right now, felt the same when I saw you two. But this? This just proves what I told you then. You are a distraction, Will. Sonny wants a life with someone, a life you're just not ready to give him. A life he had with me, a life which is everything he wants, everything he needs. A partner who gets him, challenges him, is his equal. In _everything_."

"So you expect me to what? Leave him?"

"You can do what you want," Paul said, taking the tablet back. He tapped away at the screen. "Have a copy, use it when you talk to Sonny. I don't care."

"Why are you—?"

"That's a question you're asking me?" Paul asked.

"So this is revenge? Hurt me the way I hurt you?"

"So petty," Paul scoffed. "No, this is just me giving you a heads up."

"Heads up?"

"You and Sonny? It won't last."

"You're going after him."

"I don't have to," Paul said, "this shows he'll come back to me."

"I won't give him reason to."

"I didn't give him reason to leave," Paul pointed out. "This isn't about you or me, this is about Sonny. And this," he said, waving the tablet, "tells us both what he wants."

Paul got up, leaving Will to his book. After a minute he pulled out his phone, seeing the new video message from Paul. Unable to stop himself he pressed play, looping the video over and over. The kiss, the reciprocation, the parting and them talking afterwards. At no point during the muted video did Sonny show any regret at what he'd done, and suddenly his outburst that afternoon made more sense.

"Hey, you ready?" Sonny called out as he approached Will.

"Yeah, let's go," Will said, pocketing his phone.

"Everything OK?"

"…Paul dropped by."

"Bet that was fun."

"Nothing I can't deal with," Will said, getting to his feet. "Can we just… not talk about him? It was nothing, don't worry about it."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. So. What's first on this list?"

"This place," Sonny said, handing over the first set of papers. "You sure you're—?"

"Sure," Will said, kissing him gently. "Paul is… not who I want to focus on."

"I like this idea," Sonny laughed, pulling him in for another kiss. "Come on."

Will packed up his things and then took Sonny's offered hand, following him quietly from the square.


	15. Chapter 15

When Will came in he made a point of walking across the room to kiss Marlena on the cheek.

"So I take it things went well?" she asked.

"Yes… and no," Will said. "Sonny and I talked this morning, we sorted things out."

"That's good. Isn't that good?" she asked.

"It's…" He sighed, then shook his head. "Deal with one problem, another pops up."

"That's life, and I'm afraid most relationships. What's the new one?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm sure we'll work through it."

"Again, that's relationships," she smiled. "How was your day?"

"Good. Helped Sonny look for a new apartment."

"Any luck?"

"Yeah, really nice place other side of town. He moves in end of the month."

"And are you—?"

"Not moving in with him," Will said, "if that's OK? I mean, I can—"

"Stay as long as you want, you know that, darling," Marlena said. "So you worked things out?"

"Yeah. Not moving in, but…" Will trailed off, realising that this was not something he wanted to talk about with his grandmother.

"Oh, I know," she smiled. "You miss him?"

"I saw him, just now," Will replied in confusion. "He says hi, by the way."

"He should come over for dinner," she said. "Tomorrow night."

"No, Grandma, I—"

"Tomorrow night. Invite him."

"Why do I think that this is one of those invitations that really isn't an invitation?"

"You know me so well," Marlena laughed. "Seven, OK?"

"OK," Will said, getting out his phone.

Marlena left him to the call and went to join John in the kitchen.

"Everything good, Doc?" he asked.

"You are taking me out tomorrow night," she declared.

"OK, you got somewhere in mind for this treat of mine?" John grinned.

"Yeah. Hotel, next town over."

"Oh, I'm treating you to an overnight stay?"

"You are," she smiled. She half turned back towards the door from which they could hear Will talking quietly on the phone with Sonny.

"That would leave Will home alone," John said, "all night."

"Yes, it would."

"You're a true romantic, Doc," John laughed, kissing her gently.

"And if I have to suffer through a night in a four star hotel then so be it."

"So generous," John said. "So do I need to call them or has that already been done for me?"

"I left some things for you to do," she smiled. "Not a word to Will or Sonny, OK?"

John nodded, then shook his head as he laughed.

"Something funny?" Will asked as he appeared in the doorway.

"No, it's nothing," John said.

"Sonny said he'd love to come over tomorrow, and does he need to bring anything?"

"No, just him," Marlena said. "Sonny's coming over for dinner tomorrow," she said to John, who just smiled and nodded. "I'm sure we will have everything we need."

"OK, well… thanks," Will said.

"Anytime, darling."

When Will had gone she turned back to John, catching the look on his face. "What?"

"You've got a real devious streak," he said. "Remind me to stay on your good side."

"You need reminding of that?" she teased.

###

Will opened the door to Sonny a little before seven, smiling when his boyfriend held up a bottle of wine. "Mom would kill me if I turned up empty handed, no matter what the host said," he explained, kissing Will's cheek in greeting.

"I don't think she'll mind," Will said.

"So what's on the menu?"

"I have no idea, they kept me out of the kitchen."

"Sounds intriging," Sonny said.

Almost on cue, John and Marlena appeared. Sonny's greeting died on his lips in confusion as he looked at their coats and the overnight bag.

"I'm sorry to do this, boys," John said, "but Doc here kinda ruined my plans for a getaway with her dinner invitation."

"Oh, it's OK, we can do this another night," Sonny began.

"No, stay, I still did something for you boys if you're hungry, or you can order pizza or whatever you guys want," John said. "Meanwhile, Doc, we have reservations to keep."

"Sorry to leave you like this," Marlena said, "if you need us—"

"Call someone else," John said. "Have a good night, boys."

"We will," Will said. "Night!"

"What just happened here?" Sonny asked.

"We just got left alone."

"I know."

"For the night."

"I… OK? And Doctor Evans had no clue?" Sonny asked.

"Oh no, I reckon she set this up," Will said, turning to face Sonny.

"So she invites me over knowing she'll be away overnight? Why would she… Oh," he grinned.

"Exactly," Will said, moving into Sonny's personal space.

"It's not weird that she set this up?"

"I will get over it," Will said, pulling him in close and kissing him.

###

The first time was quick, hurried, with one aim in mind. Lying (somewhat) sated, wrapped up in the covers, Will tiltled his head so he could look at Sonny.

"What?" Sonny hummed, sleepy and satisfied.

"Am I enough for you?" Will asked, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.

"What?" Sonny moved from under Will, sitting up on the bed so he could look at him. "Will, what do you… Where is this coming from?"

"I just… with everything that's happened the last few days, you can't deny there's… a pretty big gap between us."

"No, there isn't," Sonny said firmly. "Will, just because you aren't in the same place as me it doesn't mean there's a gap."

"You realise that being in two different places is the very different definition of a gap, right?" Will laughed.

"No, it means that I wait. Wait for you to catch up, make our own plan."

"Yeah, but—"

"But nothing," Sonny said, kissing Will. "But nothing."

"Am I enough?" Will whispered. "I can't promise you all the things that you want and—" 

"I want _you_ ," Sonny said. "I love you."

"I know you do, I believe you."

"But?"

"What you had with Paul—"

"Is done, over with," Sonny said.

In response Will reached out, taking Sonny's hand the same way that Paul had in the video. He ran his thumb over the wedding band. "I'm not saying you have to, but you still wear it. That's got to mean something."

"It means that I forget it's on," Sonny said.

"You twist it around on your finger when you're working, Son, you know it's there."

"Fine," Sonny said, starting to pull at the ring.

"No, that's not—" Will said, moving to stop him. "That wasn't what I meant. I just… You're going on about giving me time to figure out who I am and what I want, and you… you need that too."

"I'm OK," Sonny said, "I've made my peace with… what's happened. The ring? I just… I guess I never thought about it. Does it bother you?"

"Only if it means you're not over Paul."

"I… am always going to care about him," Sonny said, his fingers running over the band, "but that's it." With a few twists he pulled it off and dropped it on the side unit. "I mean it, Will."

"You're OK? With no… concrete plan?"

"You going to meet me for lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure," Will said.

"Then that's all the planning I need. That, and some help moving at the end of the month?"

"Sure," Will laughed into a kiss. As Sonny shifted closer and over him, a request that had been building in him came to the fore. "I want you."

"You have me," Sonny said, trailing kisses down Will's neck.

"No, Son… I want… I want it to be _you_ this time."

Sonny stopped, propping himself up to look at Will. "You mean—?"

"When I'm with you, when I'm… inside you, it's like nothing else. But I see you, I see how you are… what it does to you? You told me once that being on the bottom is being really intimate with someone, about trust and surrendering to someone. And you… I want that. With you."

"Will—"

"I've been thinking about it but it's not like we've had many opportunities to do anything."

"If you're saying this because of tonight—"

"I'm saying this because I love you. Because I want this, with you."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah," Will whispered. "More than anything."

"Come on," Sonny said, sitting up.

"Wait, I thought—"

"Shower," Sonny said, holding out his hand.

###

It wasn't the first time that they'd showered together, but to Will it felt like it was the first time. Sonny's touches were gentle and loving, and frustratingly respectable. He soaped Will's back, massaged the shampoo into his roots, and kissed him while warm water washed over them.

"OK?" Sonny whispered.

"Yeah," Will replied. "Son—"

"Patience," Sonny replied. "Hang on."

When he stepped back and out of the shower, Will stayed put out of confusion more than anything else. Of all the reactions and responses he'd imagined from Sonny in response to the request a shower and PG makeout session hadn't been on the list. When Sonny came back he held a small bottle in his hands.

"And this is why I bought a selection," Sonny laughed. "Different lubes for different… venues."

"Son, I just—" Will looked around them. "I don't—"

"Oh babe no, no, no, no," he laughed. "Not here. Not now. But we can't just jump in. So to speak," he added with a grin.

"So…?"

"Trust me?"

"Completely," Will said.

"Turn around."

Sonny turned down the flow, keeping just enough water to keep them warm. He pressed kisses against Will's shoulder blades, wrapping one arm around his waist. Sonny's fingers splayed out before curling slightly in the soft hair on his belly. Will pressed back against Sonny, laughing softly when he felt the slight swell of arousal against his ass.

"Patience," Sonny whispered in Will's ear. He curled his free hand and ran his knuckles down Will's spine to the swell of his ass, cupping one on his way down. "This isn't something we can rush into."

"Please…" Will begged.

"Please what?"

"I trust you, I want you… Son…"

"OK, just breathe and tell me if it's too much."

Will nodded, bracing himself on the tiles. He felt Sonny's hand spread out on his ass, one finger flattening against the line between his cheeks. That finger pressed in, against him, and Will forced himself to not freak out.

This was Sonny, this was the man he loved beyond all else, beyond everyone else. This was the man who chose him, wanted him, loved him… and kissed his husband. Ex husband.

"You OK?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah, I just… I'll say if it's too much, I promise."

"I don't want to push you—"

"I trust you," Will said. "Trust me to tell you."

"OK, but if I don't like your reaction," Sonny warned.

"Please," Will said.

"Breathe," Sonny whispered in his ear before pressing a kiss against his neck. "Just… breathe."

"OK."

Will steadied his breathing, in and out on a metered count, feeling his body calm. Sonny's hand, his finger, was back against his body and he kept count, measuring the seconds as best he could as he felt the pressure against his hole. Under instinct he shifted his hips, spreading his legs a little more.

Sonny took the hint, trusted in Will, and pressed one finger against him. He felt the fluttering, the resistance of the muscle, so he circled it at first before pressing against against him, pushing against the resistance.

He felt Will exhale and knew that he was focused on trying to stay calm. He trusted his partner and kept going. The entrance was slow, considered, Sonny feeling his way into Will's body.

"God, Son…" Will managed to say.

"Promise?" Sonny asked.

"Promise. Please…"

"OK," Sonny whispered, kissing between Will's shoulder blades again. "Keep breathing."

"Plan to," Will said, trying to make a joke which was cut off when Sonny's finger moved inside him.

Sonny was slow, considerate, making sure that Will was OK with what was happening. He moved his finger in and out, feeling Will relax around him He moved his hand out, bringing a second finger in and pressing gently in.

"Son—" Will gasped.

Sonny knew that tone, knew what Will meant and what he wanted. His free hand moved down to Will's erection, working his hands in tandem until Will was gasping, crying out and coming hard against him.

"You OK?" Sonny asked.

"You have to ask?" Will laughed as he braced himself against the tile. "That was…"

"Just the beginning," Sonny said, holding Will up and keeping him close.

###

Once out of the shower Will grabbed two towels, looping one around Sonny's hips to pull him closer. Sonny moved willingly, slotting against him with ease. They stumbled, laughing and kissing, back to Will's room where the towel was discarded and Will pulled Sonny onto the bed.

"You're so fucking hot when you come," Sonny whispered into Will's ear. In response he felt Will's hands on his ass, pulling his hips in and down. "And I get to be the one to make that happen."

"Son—" Will panted, but his request was never verbalised.

Sonny reached for the bottle brought back from the shower (rule one: do not leave bottle of lube out on view, even if it is Will's private bathroom) and soon the hand on them both was cool and slick and it wasn't long before they were both gasping, calling out, and coming hard on the other.

###

"Still want you to…" Will half said, his voice drowsy.

"Patience," Sonny whispered, kissing Will's forehead as Will settled against his side. "We don't need to rush anything."

"But—"

"You can barely keep your eyes open," Sonny laughed. "Go to sleep."

"L've you," he mumbled before his eyes drifted shut.

Sonny's fingers carded through Will's still-damp hair before it settled, his fingers stroking gentle but firm lines across Will's scalp. The soothing nature of it soon took effect and Will was quietly half-snoring against him.

Sonny turned and looked at the bedside unit where his now-discarded wedding ring sat. Before he could stop himself he'd started to cry, and with his free hand he quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen.

###

The ringing phone woke them, and it took a few minutes of scrabling through discarded phones to find the one that was ringing. And ringing. And ringing.

Will found Sonny's phone first, holding up the screen to show the caller ID. "Seriously?"

"I usually put it on silent," Sonny said, "sorry."

"Who's Andrew?"

"He runs the security firm who looks after the coffee house," Sonny said.

"Is everything OK?"

"He's calling me at three in the morning, probably not."

"If you need to go…"

Sonny's guilt bubbled up again and he shook his head. "You know what? Until the papers are signed it's Paul's business too." He tapped out a quick message, showing the screen to Will. _Call Paul to deal with it_. Someone will have tripped the alarm, happens more than you think."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Last time it was a couple who tried to take advantage of the fact that we're at a dead end by…" He trailed off, a knowing grin on his face. "They banged on the window so much it tripped the alarm."

"That must have been fun," Will laughed. "But I'm glad you're staying."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Will held out a hand to Sonny and led him back to bed. "I've missed this. Missed you."

"I missed this too."

"It's stupid," Will said as they settled back under the covers, the lights off again and Sonny's phone turned off for good measure, "but I was worried."

"About what?"

"We weren't spending much time together, and… well… I kept thinking that that's what happened with you and Paul. When things started to go wrong."

"That's not happening to us," Sonny whispered into Will's hair as he spooned in behind him. "I love you."

"You loved him."

"I'm here with you," Sonny said. "This is where I want to be."

Will said nothing more, he just stared ahead at the wedding ring still sitting on the side. 

###

Over the past few weeks Sonny had been forced to adjust to a number of changes in his life. Leaving Paul, moving in with his parents (who were being civil to him, only slightly worse than when they were yelling at him for wrecking his marriage), but the one change that he'd missed recently was this: waking up next to Will. So many people wondered why he'd choose Will over Paul, but the truth was that they didn't see what he did. They didn't see him when he was like this; content and relaxed in sleep. There was something about him that Sonny found irrestiably beautiful, matched only by his smile or his laugh or the reverent way he treated Sonny.

Sitting up a little so he could watch Will, Sonny's fingers moved absent-mindedly to the now-bare ring finger. He started a little at the absence of the warm metal, and he felt that familiar pang of guilt over what he'd done to both men in his life. But his relationship with Paul was over, and Will didn't need to know about the kiss. He didn't want to cause Will any upset or pain over what had been an unconscious moment, a reaction rather than something he'd chosen to do.

To distract himself from his thoughts, he moved his hand to Will's hair, stroking it gently. When Will stirred a little under his actions Sonny grinned and applied a little more pressure.

"Morning," he said quietly.

"Morning," Will replied, his voice sleepy and his eyes still closed. "Missed this."

"I was thinking the exact same thing," Sonny replied, "and I—"

He didn't get to say anything else due to the hammering that started up on the front door. Will's eyes flew open, and he looked at Sonny in worry and panic. Within seconds they were both up, hurriedly pulling on enough clothes that they were decent and Sonny followed Will out to the door.

"What the hell—" he started to say as he opened it, stopping when he saw Paul. "What do you want?"

"Is Sonny here?" Paul demanded, pushing his way into the apartment. "Good night?" he asked when Sonny appeared, decent but shirtless. "Well while you two were busy playing house, I bothered to pick up the three am phone call," he snapped.

"The alarm?" Sonny asked. "What was it? Kids? A broken window?"

"Try a break in," Paul snapped. "Three guys, completely turned over the place. We've lost stock, the float, and god knows how much was done in damage."

"I—" Sonny started.

"Andrew said he called you as soon as the alarm was triggered," Paul said.

"What did you expect Sonny to do?" Will asked.

"I expect him to pick up the phone when it's to do with our business," Paul replied. "I have no idea what stock we're supposed to have which means I've not been able to give the police a complete list of what's missing or damaged."

"I'll get dressed, meet you there," Sonny said, turning and leaving the room.

"You can't be mad at him because he didn't know," Will said.

"He should have known," Paul said, "that's my point. He should have picked up the phone but instead he was here, with you. Do you know how many nights he and I had interrupted by a call from the alarm company? But we always answered it because that's what you're supposed to do." Paul fell silent for a moment, before he gave a mocking laugh and shook his head. "Still distracting Sonny from what's important."

"This wasn't my fault either," Will said quietly.

"Is anything?" Paul snapped. "Tell Sonny I'll meet him at the coffee house." And with that he left Will standing, very much alone, in his grandmother's apartment. 

###

"That's everything," Sonny said, handing the list over to Paul. "Aside from the cash and some computer equipment, it's mostly just damage."

"Right, well I'll get onto the insurers," Paul said, looking at the list.

"I can do that—"

"No, I'll do it. Wouldn't want to take you away from playing house with Will."

Sonny pointedly ignored the comment. "I'll speak to the suppliers, see if we can get a new delivery for tomorrow."

"Did you tell him?" Paul asked. "About what happened between us?"

"Are you trying to start something?" Sonny deflected. "What's this about?"

"You took your ring off," Paul said sadly.

"I… yeah." Sonny looked down at his bare hand, his fingers rubbing where the band used to be. "Was there any point to keeping it on?"

"Will ask you to do that?"

"No, he didn't," Sonny said defensively. "Not everything is because of him."

"Except you not answering the phone last night," Paul said. "Go on, tell me I'm wrong."

"This isn't about that."

"You're changing the subject, which means you know I'm right. How long do you think you can keep this up? Pretending that everything can just carry on the way that they are without things getting in the way?"

"It wasn't my fault that we got robbed last night, and it wasn't Will's fault that I didn't answer the phone. That was my choice, Paul, my decision. Same as me taking off my ring. I don't know what you think I could have done anyway."

"It's not about that," Paul said. "It's about being here. It's about doing what you should be doing—"

"Paul—"

"—and the simple truth is that you're not," he continued, not even acknowledging Sonny's desire to speak. "You didn't do what you should have done with me, you didn't do what you should have done last night, and you're not doing what you should do with Will."

"Which is what exactly?" Sonny challenged.

"You should be honest with him about what happened between us," Paul said, dropping his voice and moving closer to Sonny. "You should be honest with him about the fact that you wanted it to happen, that if I pushed things then it might happen again."

"It won't," Sonny said, but his voice waivered with uncertainty.

"You should be honest with him about how you feel – you've gone to twist your ring at least ten times that I've noticed in the last hour and a half alone."

"I'm just used to it being there," Sonny said.

"I think it's more than that, and I think you believe that too," Paul challenged. "And you also know I'm right when I say that Will needs time—"

"No, you're not doing this," Sonny said, breaking the spell and moving away from Paul. "Will and I are none of your business, Paul."

"I still care about you," Paul called after him. "I still love you. I want you to be happy and—"

"And I am," Sonny cut across.

"How can you be?" Paul asked. "You're juggling two lives, not fully living either of them. You have no direction, no security, and things are slipping because of that."

"We were robbed, Paul, it's not exactly the end of the world."

"You kissed me. You kissed me back and you've not told Will. That means something."

"It means I got caught up in the moment and it means I don't want to hurt him."

"Because keeping secrets works out so well," Paul said.

"You don't get to tell me how to live my life," Sonny snapped, "not any more."

"You get angry for one reason, and one reason only," Paul said. "When you know someone's right and you don't want to admit it. It's why you were angry with me when I accused you of having an affair."

"Paul—"

"Will won't make you happy, and you know that," Paul continued. "It's why you're trying so hard. It's what you do when you're trying to hold on to something."

"Or when I'm fighting for something," Sonny countered, "when everyone is just waiting for us to trip, to fail? I'm not going to let that happen. I am _not_ losing him, Paul." 

"Who are you trying to convince?" Paul asked. "Me? Or yourself?"

###

"Can I ask you a question?" Will started with, causing Gabi to look quizzically at him. "And I need you to be honest with me."

"Sure," she said as Will took the seat across from her in the booth.

"I mean it, Gabi. I need you to be honest, even if you think it's going to hurt me."

"Why would it hurt you?" she asked.

"When you and I were together, you knew something was wrong, didn't you?"

"…Yeah," she said carefully.

"Why didn't you end things with me sooner?"

"Because…" She sighed and looked down at her coffee. "Because I didn't want to admit to myself that we weren't working. I loved you, still do by the way," she added as she looked up with a warm smile, "and I guess I didn't want to lose you. So I just carried on like everything was fine, and pretended like…"

When she trailed off, Will finished for her. "Like it wasn't killing you inside to know that we weren't going to make it?"

"I had no idea what you were going through, and I kept thinking that if I just put in some more effort, or if we spent more time together, that somehow that would fix things."

"Did you sleep with me to try and fix us?"

"Did you sleep with me to try and convince yourself we were OK?" she threw back at him.

"Your first time should be special," Will said, "and I took that from you."

"I didn't want to let myself think we would end; that's on me, not you. And you didn't exactly force me into that hotel room," she added. "I don't want you thinking that you forced me or manipulated me. We were both there for our own reasons and I guess in that moment we both desperately wanted it to be the answer, the solution to our problems."

"Yeah, but I should have thought more about you and not what I was going through. I just…" He reached across the table and grasped her hands in his. "I am _so_ grateful to you for ending things, for making that move that I couldn't. Without it, who knows where we'd be? Probably still together, both of us miserable and we'd have ended up hating each other."

"Are you and Sonny OK?" she asked.

"No," he admitted, "and if I don't do something about it then we are going to end up hating each other."


	16. Chapter 16

When Sonny came home he was informed by Henderson that "Mr Horton" was waiting for him. At first he wondered what Lucas was doing there, and was even more confused when he saw it was Will.

"Everything OK?" Sonny asked.

"I was going to ask you that," Will responded.

Sonny shrugged. "It'll be fine, just need to start on all the insurance paperwork."

"I brought you something," Will said, holding out his hand. Laying in the palm was Sonny's wedding ring. "I thought… you'd want it back."

"You didn't need to bring it over," Sonny said, taking it and rolling it between his thumb and finger.

"You didn't need to take it off for me," Will replied. "If you want to put it back on—"

"No," Sonny said, shoving it into his pocket. "Look, I miss it but that's just habit. I don't miss what it represents."

"Don't you?" Will challenged. "You want that life, Sonny. A husband, a family… All things I can't promise you."

"Will—"

"I'm just saying that I understand."

"I don't," Sonny replied. "What's going on?"

"It's just… you and Paul…"

Sonny watched Will for a moment, almost holding his breath to see what was going to happen next.

"I know from watching my parents how much of an impact a marriage break up can have," Will said. "I don't want you to rush anything."

"With you or with him?"

"Both," Will replied. "Don't do things because you think I want you to."

"I'm not." Sonny moved a step closer to Will. "I promise you."

"You can't just turn off your feelings for him—"

"Or you," Sonny cut across. "Will, where has this come from? Are you… are you having doubts?"

"No more than usual," Will said quietly.

"But last night—"

"Was great, and I…" He stopped, catching Sonny's eyes and reading them clearly. _I can't lose you._ "I guess I just missed it. Missed you. Missed us."

"Yeah, me too," Sonny smiled. "But end of the month we'll have a space where we can be alone and it won't be so bad."

"Maybe."

"No maybe about it," Sonny said, kissing him gently.

Will fell into the hug that followed, but he wasn't convinced. That feeling in his gut wasn't going away, it was only getting stronger, and so he knew he needed to do something about it.

###

The only person he'd dreaded telling (aside from Sonny when the time came) was his mother. He turned up at the DiMera mansion with backup from Gabi and armed with a list of reasons why this was a good thing for him to do, expecting full on Sami Brady mode to kick in and for her to fight him on this.

Instead she listened, nodded, and after a few rounds of "are you sure this is what you want?" seemed to accept it. She wasn't happy about it, but she firmly declared her right to feel that way.

"So when are you telling Sonny?" she asked.

"…Soon."

"Will—"

"I need to get everything in place first," he argued. "If it's not all set up then you know he's going to talk me out of it."

"Doesn't that say something? If he's able to talk you out of it—"

"I love him, Mom, and part of me just wants to make him happy. This is… this is going to hurt him and I hate myself for it."

"And you're supporting him in this?" Sami asked Gabi.

"He's my friend," she said, taking Will's hand in hers. "I care about him and I want what's best for him."

"And you think this is what's best for him?"

"I think that's what he believes and that's good enough," Gabi said. "It's his decision at the end of the day and I support him in that."

"Mom, this is a great opportunity for me."

"Yeah, I know that," she said, looking at the information Will had brought with him. "And… And I just want you to be happy. I thought Sonny was that."

"He is, Mom. You know how much I love him."

"Yeah, I know," she said softly, looking back at him. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much before these last few months."

"If I'm right about us then this," he said, gesturing to the papers, "this won't matter."

"Love isn't always like the movies," Sami said, "some things you need to work at."

"And some things you can't," Will replied.

###

Sonny dropped the document in front of Paul and immediately started to walk out. "What, no hello?" Paul asked.

"What is there to say?" Sonny asked. "That's your copy, let me know if you want anything changing. Otherwise sign it and send it back and we're done."

"So we're not even going to be civil now?"

"Call me crazy, but I don't feel like being civil with someone who attacks my relationship."

"But you expected me to be civil with you and Will? After what you did to me?"

"Actually no, Paul, we didn't. Even after all the crap you pulled? We got it. We did. We know how much we hurt you and I will regret that for the rest of my life."

"This isn't about that, and you know it. You and I were… existing just fine until I _dared_ to make a comment about Will. And I know you, Son, I know how you get when you're defensive about something."

"When have I ever—"

"In the run up to the wedding," Paul said, "you wanted that ballroom even though everyone told you it wouldn't work, that we'd not be able to get everything in. Took you two weeks of snapping at me before you agreed."

"This isn't—"

"This is you," Paul said. "This is exactly who you are. And you're snapping at me, at anyone who dares to get involved in the train wreck that is you and Will because—"

"My relationship is _none_ of your business."

"Isn't that the truth," he muttered.

"Have you said something? To Will?"

"What?"

"Recently he's been… distant."

"And you think I had something to do with that?" Paul challenged. "Sonny, he's been out all of five minutes and now he's in a relationship with a man who left his husband to be with him. Ask me, the baby gay is in over his head and—"

"Don't call him that!"

"See? Defensive. Again. You don't want to admit that there could be some truth to this. Will Horton is not ready for all of this and deep down? You know it. This is the moment, Sonny. The moment when you realise that you threw away _everything_ for a man that you can't make it work with and I get to witness it." There was no malice in Paul's voice, no anger. Just simple, cold, statements of truth. "No matter what? You and Will? Not going to have that happy ending. You are not going to have the life with him that you want, the life you think you're going to have, and you are not happy about that.

"And you know what? I might actually enjoy watching you two fall apart. Karma really can be a bitch."

###

Will was so caught up in his papers that he didn't notice the other person in the hallway until he literally ran into them.

"What the hell?" T exclaimed. "Your eyesight as bad as your relationship tastes? Or do you not care who you walk into just as much as you don't care who you're sleeping with?"

"Are you ever going to grow up?" Will snapped, starting to collect his fallen papers. "Or at least get some new material?"

"It's a classic for a reason," T said, looking down at the scattered material at his feet. The bolded title on one page caught his attention and he stamped his foot on the paper just as Will made a grab for it. "What the hell?"

"Move," Will said, hitting at T's ankle.

"Is this for real?" T asked, not moving.

"I never thought you were dumb enough to not be able to read, so what do you think? Move."

T did so, more out of shock than obligation. "When?"

"Since when do you care?" Will asked, gathering the last of them and standing up.

"Hey man, we've been friends forever."

"Yeah, right up until the moment you found out I was gay. Actually no," Will corrected, "right up until the moment you found out Sonny and Paul were gay and you somehow decided this was the biggest offense known to mankind." He started to walk away but T grabbed his arm. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, wait, man, we gotta talk about this," T said. "Look, if this is because of me—"

"Don't give yourself too much credit, or any at all," Will said.

"So you and Sonny are running? Never had you pegged as the time, and definitely not him." T stopped, his hand still on Will's arm as he read his long-time friend's expression. "Oh."

"Not a word, T."

"I don't get it, you seemed happy."

"I'm getting whiplash here, T," Will sighed, pulling his arm free. "Either be bigoted and ignorant or be my friend."

"Is that still an option?"

"What?"

"The friend bit."

Will shrugged.

"Well… can we find out?"

"You sure you want to be seen with the gay?" Will challenged. "Not worried about what people might think?"

"You know what?" T said, stepping back and holding up his hands. "Forget it. I tried."

"This was you trying?" Will mocked.

"Look, it's hard, OK? I just… I'm still getting my head around the fact that my friend isn't who I thought he was."

"I'm still me, T."

"I know, but you're also not, you know? Like… my friend Will and I would always check out girls and rate their hotness."

"Yeah, well, things change."

"Can you blame me for wanting them to change back?" T asked. "I knew that Will, I understood him. I knew how to relate to him."

"I'm still me," Will said. "And all you need to understand is that the guy you rated girls with in middle school? Would rather rate guys."

"Is that weird? Like… growing up one thing and then becoming something else?"

"I've always been gay, T," Will said, "I just didn't realise it. You don't become gay, you are gay. Sonny said he always knew he was different, but me?"

"Yeah, well, you always did take a while to cotton on," T quipped.

"Maybe," Will smiled.

"So what's going on?" T asked, gesturing to the papers in Will's hand.

"It's… complicated," Will said, starting to walk away from T.

T wasn't put off and he stared after Will. "You wanna talk about it?"

"No," Will said, "and you can't either."

"What?"

"T, swear to me you won't tell anyone."

"But—"

" Two words: yearbook photos."

T's expression changed in an instant. "That's cold, man, stone cold."

"Not a word and I lose the photos. Deal?"

"…Deal," T sighed. "But I get to ask one question."

"Fine."

"I thought you and Sonny were in love. You seemed happy."

"We are, and that's not a question."

"So what's changed?"

"Nothing," Will said, "and that's the point."

"I don't get it."

"Nothing new there," Will quipped.

"Hey, I'm tryin' here."

"I know, I'm sorry. But I mean it, you can't tell anyone."

"Yeah, I don't want to be the one who gets it from Sami Brady."

"Oh, Mom knows," Will said.

"Really?" He made a show of looking down. "And you still have your legs?"

"She's not happy, but… she gets it."

"Good, maybe she can explain it to me."

"Look, I gotta go," Will said, "but you wanna grab a drink later?"

"Are you going to explain what's going on?"

"Sure," Will said.

"Then sure," T said. "And yeah, won't say anything."

"Thanks, T," Will said. He hesitated for a moment then held out his hand.

T shook it briefly then shrugged. "I meant it. What I said."

"Which comment?" Will asked carefully.

"The one about you and Sonny being happy."

Will stopped dead in the corridor as T continued on.

###

Telling Sami had been one thing. Telling his dad was easier because he knew, no matter what, that he would have his father's unconditional support, even if he didn't always agree with his son's choices. But for some reason when it came to telling his grandmother he had his first real moment of doubt.

"Why is this so hard for you?" she asked when Will failed to explain exactly what his news was. "What's getting in the way?"

"I'm scared you'll talk me out of it."

"Do you want me to?"

"No."

"Should I talk you out of it?"

"…I don't know," Will admitted, "but you could. You and Sonny, you could by asking me one thing."

"And what would that be?"

Will reached into his bag and pulled out the papers he'd collected that afternoon. He handed them over to her. "You could ask me to stay."

"Have you spoken to Sonny about this?"

"No. I wanted to wait until it was sorted, until everything was arranged."

"In case he tried to talk you out of it?"

"Is that wrong of me?"

"I think you know the answer to that," Marlena said, putting the papers down. "How do you feel about this?"

"I love him and—"

"I meant this," she corrected, pointing at the papers. "It seems like a fantastic opportunity."

"It is," Will smiled. "I couldn't believe it when my professor submitted some of my writing, this… this was something else."

"It is," she agreed, "a chance to go and study writing with some of the best. But I'm curious as to why you've accepted it."

"Because it's a fantastic opportunity for me," Will said.

"And a chance to leave Salem?"

He sighed. "Maybe? This last year has been… a struggle to say the least," he said. "And I need some time to get my head around it all. I need to figure out who I really am and I think part of that is about me finding out if I'm a writer or not."

"And Sonny?"

"I love him, Grandma, you know I do. He's… he's perfect. He's supporting and loving and he's never once pushed me into anything I wasn't ready for. He has waited and put up with so much because of me."

"And yet you're not going with him?"

"I can't. I have to do this on my own because all of that stuff we've been through. That's the problem. Sonny and me? We aren't equals, we never have been."

"Do you think that's what's important in your relationship?"

"I think it matters more than he'll admit," Will said.

"So you've accepted the place, put in your transfer forms, told your parents and me," Marlena said. "You've told the three of the people that you know love you and will support you in this. So when are you going to tell Sonny?"

"I… don't know," he admitted. "When is a good time to tell the man you love, the man who left his husband to be with you, that you're leaving him?"

###

Sitting in the coffee house, Sonny was simply waiting for the couple in the corner to finish so that he could close up for the night. He distracted himself by reading over his copy of divorce papers that he'd given to Paul, outlining everything in black and white. As per Paul's request Sonny would get the business, and everything else was a representative split in line with what they both brought into their relationship.

Their wedding service had been symbolic rather than anything, and so there was – in the eyes of the law – nothing to stop them going their separate ways without a second thought, but the dissolution contract which Sonny was in the process of committing to memory seemed the best way to go about it. This way they could draw a line under everything.

The inclusion of Sonny's affair with Will had therefore been unnecessary, but it seemed only right; if this were any other legal divorce it would have been declared. Once this was signed, witnessed and filed then they would consider their marriage over.

"You OK?"

Sonny looked up to see Abi sitting on one of the chairs by the counter. "Divorce papers. Just reading them through."

"Looked more like you were staring at them," she countered.

"That too," he smiled. "Coffee?"

"No, I'll be up all night. I just wanted to come and see you, see how you were doing."

"I'm… OK."

"No you're not," she countered again.

"Well my marriage is about to end, the coffee house was broken into last week and apparently it's all my fault, and—"

"You and Will?"

"What about us?"

"Are you two OK?"

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"Sonny, this is me," Abi said. "I care about you both and I want you to be happy."

"And you don't think I am? We aren't? Is there anyone in this town who isn't waiting for me and Will to just… fall apart?"

"I'm just worried about you, that's all," Abi said. "You two have had it rough and—"

"Exactly. Once this is out of the way," he said, gesturing to the papers, "then we can start moving forward. We can get our lives back on track."

"I hope you're right," she said, putting her hand on his arm, "I really do."

"I love him," Sonny said gently. "I love him like… nothing else in this world."

"He loves you too."

"I know," Sonny smiled sadly.

"But?" Abi asked, reading his expression. "But you and Paul loved each other too," she realised.

"We have to make it, Abi, we do."

She nodded, understanding the fear creeping away under Sonny's skin. _If we don't make it then I lost everything for nothing._

###

The plan was simple, the text to Sonny even more so. Sonny knocked on the door a few minutes before the appointed time of seven pm, and when Will opened it they stood and looked at each other, the burden of reality weighing down on them.

"A hotel room?" Sonny asked as he walked in.

"Yeah, figured we could do with some… some privacy."

"You know you didn't have to book a hotel room," Sonny said, "my apartment will be ready soon."

"I know."

Sonny forced himself to turn and look at Will, acknowledging what they both had come to suspect. "We're not OK, are we?"

"No," Will whispered.

"We should be. We love each other, we want to be together… why aren't we OK?"

"Because… because being in love isn't enough. If it were then you and Paul would still be together."

"I guess. So… we talk? We figure this out?"

"It won't work," Will said, moving across the room to the desk against the far wall.

"You won't even try?" Sonny challenged. "You're just giving up on us?"

"It's not like that," Will snapped. "I'm doing this _for_ us."

"Doing what exactly?"

"Leaving," Will said. "I'm leaving Salem."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (In which we start by going back to part 9, where our boys have just made love for the first time.)

"Oh, if you think I'm giving you up—" Sonny said, moving so that he was hovering above Will. "Not happening, Horton."

Will laughed as Sonny dropped into the kiss, his hands moving confidently to Sonny's waist. It wasn't like the clichés, it wasn't like everyone has said it would be like. He didn't suddenly and magically know everything that there was to know and he certainly had only the most basic of ideas what it was going to be like when he was with Sonny, but he did know—

"You still with me?" Sonny asked.

Realising that he'd been completely distracted, Will used his leverage on Sonny's waist to turn him over so they could settle, side by side. "Just thinking."

"I got that," Sonny said, tapping a finger on Will's nose. "Thinking about what?"

"You. Me. Us. What's going to happen tomorrow."

"Will—"

"We can't ignore what's happened. This… this is the one thing I didn't want to happen."

Sonny's face changed in a heartbeat, from contentment through horror to outright concern. "Will, if I pushed you into anything—"

"No, no, I don't mean this," Will reassured Sonny, kissing him gently. "I wanted this. I want this. I have… wanted this for a _really_ long time."

"Me too," Sonny grinned.

"Yeah? How long?"

"I think the first time I was really aware of it was after the summer picnic by the lake."

"You held me in the water with Sydney."

"I didn't want to let go."

"I didn't want you to let me go," Will said. "And that night I…" He trailed off in embarrassment despite their current post-coital naked state.

"Really?" Sonny grinned.

"Can we not?"

"Sorry, but that's kinda hot."

"Yeah, getting off to the thought of your married best friend. Really hot." At the mention of Sonny's marriage the mood shifted again. "What are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know," Sonny admitted. "But I can't put it off. Even with his dad being sick, I just… I can't."

"This was that line I said I wasn't going to cross. Apparently I am my mother's son."

"No, you're not," Sonny said, putting a finger on Will's lips, "because you didn't want this. You didn't want it to start like this."

"When the explosion first hit I was just so caught up in everything that I didn't have time to think. Mom and EJ were… I'll tell you about that later," he said, favouring the short version, "and it was only afterwards, in the park, that I got a moment to myself. And all I could think about was how much I wanted to see you, I wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be OK."

"And then I turned up," Sonny said gently.

"I never honestly believed in any of that 'meant to be' crap," Will said. "Relationships are just… luck and hard work. But in that moment this afternoon? When you were there? I honestly believed it."

"Believed what exactly?"

"That you're it for me. I am… so in love with you, Sonny. And I'm not entirely sure how to process that, or what the hell it is I'm doing, but I'm in love with you."

"I love you too," Sonny whispered.

"And tomorrow?"

"I will still be in love with you," he said.

"But Paul and Uncle Jack and Aunt Jennifer and our parents and—"

"Don't matter," Sonny cut across. "You know what I mean," he clarified. "Our relationship is ours, Will. Whatever we turn this into, whatever we build or make of it, it will be our own doing."

"And if we don't make it?" Will asked.

"We will," Sonny said. "Will, I… You don't understand how much I love you, how much I need you. It didn't feel like I breathed from the moment I heard about the explosion until the moment I saw you and knew you were OK. These last few weeks, being away from you and not even hearing from you, have been some of the worst of my life."

"You were supporting Paul with his family."

"And it felt like an obligation I was fulfilling, like… because I was married to him I had to be there."

"I can't believe I broke up a marriage," Will mumbled.

"No, you didn't," Sonny said, "you just made me realise something."

"What?"

"That I thought what I had with Paul was as good as it gets, that the love I have for him was what it was supposed to be feel like when you're with the person you're meant to be with." Sonny reached out a hand and brushed it through Will's hair. "But you made me realise there's so much more to being in love with someone."

"You make it sound so simple. Like this isn't going to wreck everything. For one, I don't think your mom is going to be too happy about us."

"Yeah, well, I don't need Mom's permission to be with someone," Sonny said, "and I don't think there's a single person in Salem who would be able to judge us."

"Since when has that stopped anyone?"

"True," Sonny laughed, dipping his head and kissing Will's collarbone. "But as far as I see it, it comes down to two simple questions."

"Go on," Will said nervously.

"One: do you love me?"

"Yes," he responded instantly.

"Two: do you want to be with me?"

"More than anything."

"Then we can take everything else as it comes. So long as we have those two things then everything else will work out."

###

For what seemed like the longest time Sonny just looked at Will before he asked, "Why?"

"Because we can't keep going the way that we are," Will said, "otherwise we are going to end up hating each other."

"So you're leaving? Just like that?"

"No—"

"Where?" Sonny asked. "Where are you going?"

"If I tell you then you'll just follow me," Will said. "Or worse, you'll come and get me and bring me back."

"And how would I do that?" Sonny scoffed.

"By asking me," Will said sadly. "That's all you'd need to do."

"Doesn't that tell you something?" Sonny asked. "Will—"

"We need this, otherwise we are going to fall apart."

"I think you leaving counts as us falling apart."

"Just… think of this as a break. A step back while we figure things out."

"I don't need to figure anything out," Sonny said, walking over to Will. His hand went to the small of Will's back and he pulled them in flush together, their mouths centimetres away from the kiss. "I love you, I want you."

"I love you too," Will whispered.

"Then don't leave me."

"Son—"

"I need you."

"And that doesn't worry you?" Will challenged.

"What?"

"You need me because if this falls apart then what was it all for?"

"I don't—"

"You left Paul for me, even though I said you should do it for you."

"I did," Sonny said, his hands moving to hold Will's face. He kissed him, over and over again. "I didn't want him. I didn't want to be with him. I wanted you. I want you."

"And so you left him because you couldn't have me if you were with him."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because it _should_ matter!" Will yelled. "We cheated, Sonny. We betrayed him. We lied and we snuck around and god, I gave Brian hell when he called us out on being affectionate. He's not spoken to me since you and I went public and I don't blame him. We are not good people, Sonny. Not right now."

"Don't say that—"

"Why not? It's true. Good people don't lie, they don't cheat, and they don't use people because they're scared."

"Scared?"

"Scared of being alone, scared of coming out, scared of losing everything and it all being for nothing."

"You still think that I'm pushing because I need this to work out, don't you?" Sonny said, his voice suddenly cold. "Do you think that little of me?"

"I think that you being afraid of us failing is pretty much a given," Will replied, "because you took a massive leap of faith on me, on us—"

"Because I love you—"

"—and if this crashes and burns then what are you left with? You've burned so many bridges to be with me, Sonny."

"I don't regret it."

"Now, maybe."

"Look, I know this is a lot and maybe I have been pushing things with you a bit, but you just need to tell me to slow down and I will."

"What about stopping?" Will asked. "What if I wanted something that was completely at odds with what you do?"

"Like what?"

"Like getting married. I don't know if that's something I want."

"We don't have to," Sonny said.

"But you want it. You want to be married. You told me, again and again, that getting married was a dream you'd had since you were young and when you met Paul—"

"I know," Sonny cut across, "but look how far that dream got me."

"And kids? What about having a family?"

"I don't know. But do we need to make all these decisions now?"

"We should have talked about them before we decided to hurt everyone we care about," Will said. "We jumped into this without thinking."

"I did think," Sonny said, moving over to Will and holding his face gently. "You were all I could think about. I want a life with you, Will, and I will take whatever that life gives us. I love you."

"And I love you," Will breathed, putting his hands over Sonny's, "but I don't like me right now."

"Will—"

"Haven't you noticed how my dad hasn't been around much lately? He's 'disappointed' in me, said he thought I was better than this. Brian won't speak to me, T couldn't barely say two words to me without sliding in some homophobic comment—"

"That's not exactly related to us," Sonny said.

"But it is," Will said, "because to him I've been corrupted. I was never that guy, Sonny, I was never the person who went after something and didn't care who I hurt. And you weren't either. You were… you _are_ the greatest person I have ever met and look at us. Look at what we've done."

"It's not my fault that I fell in love with you," Sonny said.

"We shouldn't have done it like this," Will said, moving away from Sonny. "We should have handled this better."

"That's hindsight for you."

"No, that's rational thought."

"So what now?" Sonny asked. "Where is all this going, Will? Are you looking for an excuse to end things, is that it? And the guilt about our affair, about what happened with Paul, is that it? Your get out clause? Because if you don't want to be with me then at least have the guts to say that."

"One of us should," Will said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sonny snapped. "I was _always_ going to tell Paul—"

"But you didn't. You didn't tell him, you were going to go to _counselling_ with him instead of telling him because—"

"I was trying to make things easier for him."

"You were making it easier on yourself," Will countered. "You couldn't be honest with him and you just kept putting it off—"

"Did we just forget the fact that his father was in hospital?"

"Before that? You knew you didn't want to be with Paul, you knew you didn't love him enough, and you stayed with him. You told youself, again and again, that you made a commitment to him and… And how long before you're saying that about me?" Will asked. "How long before you are telling yourself that you left Paul for me, that you made a commitment to me, and—"

"Why do you think that I'm going to leave you?" Sonny asked.

"Because you have _no_ idea what you want!" Will yelled.

"I want _you_!"

"You wanted to be there for me when I came out. You wanted to support me and look out for me and then it was about—"

"So you think I did what? Swapped Paul for you? You really think I'm that shallow? How can you even think that about me? So what? I support you in coming out and then move on? First Paul, then you? Did _nothing_ of what I said to you get through to you?" he continued. "I love you, Will. I love you more than anything else in this world. I want to be with you, I want a life with you. I will wait for you, I will slow things down, I will—"

"Ignore what you want for me," Will interrupted. "It's all about me, Sonny, it's all about what is right for me, best for me, and we can't keep doing this. When I asked you to slow things down you got angry with me—"

"I apologised for that," Sonny said, "I got scared that—"

"That I wanted things to be over."

"Why is that a bad thing?" Sonny asked. "I don't want to lose you. I love you, Will."

"I think… I think you love the idea of being with me more than you love me."

"How can you—"

"Because you kissed Paul." Will's statement wasn't made in anger or sadness or with any hint of emotion. It was just a fact of what is, what was.

"I… He told you," Sonny said, stepping back from Will.

"No, he showed me," Will corrected. "Footage from the security camera in the coffee shop. I guess it's karma?"

"It didn't—"

"Mean anything, I know," Will said. "He was kind enough to email me a copy and I tortured myself by watching it, over and over. You talked, he kissed you, you kissed him back. And I've always known, Sonny, you've always been honest about being in love with Paul."

"Will… I'm sorry."

"I know," Will said. "But it just proves what I'm saying. You're not over him, you want more from me than I can give you and so in that moment you wanted Paul."

"I don't want him, I want _you_."

"I know, I know."

"We can talk about this," Sonny said. "We have all night, right? We can talk about this."

"It won't change the facts," Will said, "facts we have known and been fighting against since the start. You're ready for… everything. You want to be married, you want that commitment, and I'm still figuring out who I am. I know that I love you, I know that I want to be with you. But that's the extent of what I know and it's getting in the way."

"If you need time, Will, you can have it. As much as you need. I meant it when I said that I wouldn't press you, push you into anything. I can wait—"

"Forever? I can't promise you that I will ever want what you do—"

"I want _you_ ," Sonny stressed.

"And Paul?"

"It was one kiss," Sonny said quietly. "It didn't mean anything."

"It did," Will replied.

Sonny couldn't respond to that and so held out his hands in surrender. "So what? You just… leave? Disappear?"

"It's best."

"For who?" Sonny challenged.

"For us," Will replied.

"No," Sonny declared. "No, I'm not doing this."

"Son—"

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Do you want to be with me?" Sonny asked. "Because if you love me and you want to be with me—"

"I want to be with you on my last day on this earth," Will said, "and the day before that and the day before that."

"So why are you—"

"Because we won't get there if we don't take a break. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that you know, that you _know_ we can survive this and I will stay." Will moved over to Sonny, taking his face in his hands. "I will stay, I will spend every day of my life with you, if you can tell me that we can do this. Because right now I don't feel it. Right now it feels like all we have is an 'I love you' and 'I want you' and very little else." The anger and frustration was gone from Will's voice and it was just sad. "If love was enough to make a relationship work then you'd still be with Paul. There's still love there and until… until you figure out what you want and where you stand then I don't know what there is for us."

"I know what I want," Sonny whispered. "I want you. I want us."

"I want that too," Will said. "But there's so much more to this, to us, than that. If we're going to make it we need this."

"So you leave? How are we going to sort this out if you're not here? Or is that it? Don't you think we can make it?" 

Sonny pressed his forehead against Will's, taking a deep breath. He opened his mouth once, twice, the words forming on his lips. _Yes we can_ or _we can survive everything, anything_. But he said nothing.

"You need to find out who you are, independent of Paul. And I need to know who I am, outside of… everything." Will tilted his head up to press his lips against Sonny's forehead. "If we don't know who we are, how can we know who _we_ are?"

"I love you," Sonny whispered. "More than anything, I love you like… like I've never loved before."

"I know," Will replied, "but… maybe it's just not our time."

"Maybe?"

"Tell me I'm wrong," Will said. "I mean it… ask me to stay and I will. Ask me to stay if you are sure, if you are _completely_ certain that we can work it out."

"I want to," Sonny admitted, "god I want to."

"Time, space. It's what we need, Son."

"I know. I don't want to know it, but I do."

"This isn't the end for us, it's just… a pause."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. I wish I did, I wish I could say that it's going to be a month or two or a year—"

"A year?" Sonny exclaimed.

"We need to be certain. We have to be. We need solid ground beneath us and we don't have that. You need to sort this thing out with Paul, you need to be OK with you. And I need to know what I want, I need to know who I am. Because how can I be yours if I'm not mine first?"

"Will…" Sonny breathed heavily then kissed Will once. "When?"

"Soon."

"How soon? I mean, am I going to wake up tomorrow and—"

"No," Will said. "I promise you. If I go to bed with you I will wake up with you. I won't… I won't do that to you."

"So when?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"…No," Sonny decided on. "Let me enjoy this. Let me… spend this time with you? Enjoy this time with you."

"We have time," Will said.

"I want forever," Sonny admitted. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I want that too," Will said. "I want as many days as we can have together. But we won't have them without—"

"I know, I know."

Will's fingers trailed up to Sonny's hairline, brushing up the strands. The simple intimacy was enough for Sonny's final resolve to drop, and when he kissed Will it was with the taste of tears on their lips.

###

"No," Will said as Sonny moved to sit astride him. "Not this time."

"What?"

"I want it to be you."

"But—"

"You told me once that being on top meant that you were in control of how we are. That being… on the bottom was about trust. Surrender. And I trust you, Son. Completely."

"You don't have to—"

"I know. But I want to."

"Before—"

"I was nervous. I wasn't sure… But now I'm sure. I'm not nervous anymore."

"You don't have to do this just because—"

"I don't _have_ to do anything," Will said, pushing Sonny off him and moving to sit in his lap. "But I want to. I want this with you. I want… everything with you. And I will. One day."

"Maybe," Sonny said, saying out loud what they'd both been avoiding admitting all night.

"Maybe," Will agreed.

The first he'd panicked as soon as Sonny's finger was near him, remembering all too well the uncomfortable, awkward and pre-Sonny nights where he'd tried himself. The second time he'd fought to focus on how good it felt, let himself get lost in the moment. But now there was none of that; the insecurity and unsurety replaced with love and trust and, grounded in the moment and a desire to have this moment, to share this moment, while they still could.

Somewhere between the second and third finger, Will became acutely aware of why this was the most intimate of things and just how much it meant that Sonny had shared this with him when he'd not with his own husband. To just let go, give in, surrender to his lover was the most freeing sensation that he'd ever had and when Sonny's lips whispered a silent request into his skin for him to stay, to never leave him, Will kissed his response: a promise that he would always be Sonny's.

###

When Sonny stirred his hands reached out for Will under the soft sheet. "Shhh," Will soothed. "It's still early. Go back to sleep."

"You're awake," Sonny pointed out, his voice heavy and hoarse.

"Then I'll sleep too," Will laughed.

"We can sleep later." Sonny's meaning was clear, and so when his hands reached out for Will a second time Will allowed them to close around his body. Those finger tips, once warmed by the water of the lake and the early July sun burned the same promise into his skin. _You are mine, you belong to me._

###

The morning light was muted, the air was quiet, and they lay side by side, hands clasped between them, just watching the other as if they were committing them and this moment to memory.

"So… what now?" Sonny asked eventually.

"I finish getting things sorted. Got to ship some stuff, the rest Mom is putting into storage for me at the mansion."

"I can't believe she's OK with you going."

"I don't think OK is the word I'd use," Will grinned for a second before it dropped as he finished, "but she knows I need to do this."

"What happens when you do go? With us?"

"I don't understand."

"Do we stay in touch? Are you coming back for the holidays? Do we talk? Skype?"

"I… I don't know."

"I think… I think we shouldn't," Sonny said decisively. "This is going to be hard enough without… that."

"If you're sure."

"I'm still not sure I want to let you go," Sonny admitted. "I don't. The idea that soon I'm going to wake up and not be with you? That I won't see you or be able to touch you," he added, pressing his palm against Will's chest, "I just… If we're going to do this then it has to be complete."

"Thank you," Will whispered, taking Sonny's hand from his chest and kissing it. "You know I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think that it was the right thing to do, the best thing for us."

"And I will try to remember that when I'm saying goodbye," Sonny said with a hollow laugh.

"So let's not say goodbye," Will said. "I won't. Because this isn't goodbye for us, Son, it's not."

"So what? You'll just… leave?"

"Be easier."

"I guess," Sonny said, moving his hand free so he could place it on Will's cheek. "Just… don't slip away. Don't make a big thing of your goodbye but don't sneak out either."

"OK, I promise."

They lay there in near silence, watching and touching and kissing and holding each other until the day's light fully broke into the room.


	18. Chapter 18

Sonny signed on the line and turned the papers back towards his father. "So is that it then?"

"Once these are filed, yeah. You are, to all intents and purposes, divorced." Justin sat back for a moment and watched his son. "Anything else you want to talk about?"

"Will's leaving," Sonny admitted. "He's got a place on some creative writing course at another school and he's leaving."

"When?"

"Don't know," Sonny said. "We… have a deal. No goodbyes."

"How's that going to work?" Justin asked.

"He'll be here one day, then… He'll just go."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I don't want him to go, Dad, and I am dreading it."

"Why?"

"Because I love him," Sonny replied, almost offended at the question. "Why else would I want him to stay?"

"So you don't have to be alone," Justin pointed out. "It's daunting when a marriage ends. You've been a part of a couple for so long, used to having someone there in your everyday life, having to consider someone. And then they're not there. It's just you and your life and your thoughts."

"I have _no_ idea what I'm going to do, Dad. I thought I had my whole life figured out. I was going to marry Paul and we'd have this amazing life together. Paul would have a fantastic career, he'd set records and people would adore him. And I'd be able to say 'that's my husband'. We'd do all the PFLAG and GLAAD events and we would make a difference.

"And when it was all over we would travel before he settled into coaching or something else, and we would raise a family and—"

"And what would you be doing during all of this?" Justin asked.

"What?"

"You just told me about all of your plans but it was just about Paul's career. What would you be doing while he was setting records and helping people? Somehow I don't see you being a house husband."

"I would have set up a business, same as I did here. I would have found something."

"And the two of you would live separate lives. Paul doing his thing and you doing yours. Not unlike you did when you came back."

"And you're saying this now?" Sonny asked.

"I just wanted you to be happy," Justin said, "same as I always have. And you told us, again and again, that you loved him and you were happy."

"Did you believe me?"

"Honestly?" Justin asked. "Less and less as time went on. But your mother was certain that you two were meant to be."

"So did I. Once."

"What happened?"

"Will did," Sonny admitted. "The way I love him… it's like nothing else. I can't imagine my life without him. There's a part of me that wants to find out where he's going and follow him. I've thought about it, it wouldn't be hard."

"So why haven't you?"

"Because Will asked me not to."

"And that means more to you than—"

"Anything," Sonny admitted. "Everything. He could ask me for anything and… and I would do anything to make that happen. I want him to be happy."

"And what do you want? And I'm not talking about Will or Paul, or being married or single, or running a successful business. What do _you_ want?"

"You sound like Will."

"What?"

"That's part of why he's going. He needs to work out him, I need to work out me."

"Sounds like a smart guy."

"Does that mean he has your approval?" Sonny asked.

"You don't need it, you never have," Justin said. "You're your own man, you know your own mind. You've known who you are and what you want your entire life. And I admire that. No, really, I do," Justin said when Sonny laughed. "I always knew I would be proud of you, right from the moment you were born I knew that. But I never expected to be in awe of you too. I never expected to look at you and feel… humbled."

"Why?" Sonny whispered. "I… I cheated on Paul, I have messed everything else up. Will is leaving town, Paul's world is falling apart, and I… I have no idea what I'm doing."

"And you aren't letting that stop you. You are letting Will walk away because it's what he wants. You walked into this thing with Will with your eyes open, Sonny. You knew it would be hard, maybe even impossible, you knew it could break you. And you still chose him. Even when faced with your mother's anger, you chose Will. And that told me something. It told me that you loved Will enough to want whatever you could have with him. And now I see that you love him enough to let him go, same as you're letting Paul go. You're cutting all the ties and that's humbling. You're not settling and you're not taking the easy option.

"This divorce settlement is the most mature and responsible document I've ever been involved in. And even though you are falling apart inside – oh don't give me that look, I know you," he laughed, "you're still going. You're focusing on you and not trying to… You're a better man than I am."

"It's hard," Sonny laughed. "I just… I want to run out there and stop Will from going. Or go with him. Pack up everything and—"

"Running away was never your style," Justin said. "You will travel far and wide but you never run."

"It's tempting."

"I know."

"But… Will's right. He said something and… and I'm trying to remember it every time I find myself about to search 'creative writing courses' online. He said, 'how can I be yours if I'm not mine first'. And the more I think about it the more I know he's right. And I need to know who I am, independent of Paul and Will and everyone else. Before I arrived in San Francisco I could have told you what I wanted from my life, from any relationships. But then I met Paul and I got… caught up in the excitement of it all."

"Do you regret it?"

"Marrying Paul? No. Despite how it turned out… I keep thinking at least I know, right? I loved him enough to think that I wanted to marry him. I meant it when I proposed, and I was so happy when he said yes." Sonny stopped and shook his head. "I can't believe I'm talking about this with my dad."

"We all need someone to talk to," Justin said, "and you know can talk to me about anything. Everything."

"I think I've done enough talking for one day," Sonny said. "I just… thanks, Dad. For everything."

"You don't need to thank me," Justin said. "But you're welcome. And Sonny?" Justin added as he got up. "You're going to be fine."

"Remind me of that when Will leaves," Sonny said quietly.

###

Will looked over at the doorway and smiled when he saw his grandmother standing there.

"Almost ready?" she asked.

"There's not much," he admitted. "Packed light when I moved in here so…"

"Not quite what I meant," she said.

"Um, yeah. I guess so."

"There's someone here to see you," Marlena said, stepping aside so T could walk in.

"Thanks, Doctor Evans," T said.

"Well. I'll leave you boys to it," she said.

"What are you doing here?" Will asked.

"You owe me a drink."

"…Now?"

"Well I'm guessing that we won't have many more opportunities," T said. "So yeah. Tonight."

"Fine. Give me a few minutes," Will said as he folded more clothes into the bag.

"So. Told Sonny yet?"

"Yeah, last night."

"How'd that go?"

"How'd you think?" Will asked. "And why do you care all of a sudden?"

"Look, I'm trying, OK? My oldest – and at one time my best – friend is leaving and I don't want things between us to end on a bad note. And… I may have been a bit of a…"

"Bigot? Homophobe?"

"I was going to say 'idiot', but whatever," T mocked. "Look, I'm… I'm sorry. I was all of those things and then some and if I could take it back, I would."

"Well… thanks, T."

"So Sonny. How did he take it?"

"…Not well. But he gets it."

"Good. Maybe he can explain to me why you have to leave if you love him and he loves you."

"Because that's not enough," Will said.

"Then TV has lied to me," T declared. "So, I need details. Where you're going, what the course is like, if you already know anyone…"

Will raised an eyebrow. "Female anyones?"

"Well, it's not like _you're_ going to be interested in them," T pointed out.

"I'm not interested in anyone."

"You guys doing the long distance thing?"

"No," Will admitted.

"Holy… You're actually _leaving_ leaving him?"

"We need the break, T."

"Well I need a drink. And if you're leaving the man who left his husband for you, then I guess you do too. So enough with the packing, let's go."

###

Sonny opened the door to the bar and had to bite his lip when he saw Will. He walked over to the counter and slipped his arm around Will's waist, relieving T of the job of keeping him upright.

"Your boyfriend is a lightweight," T said.

"My boyfriend shouldn't be drinking," Sonny pointed out.

"His grandmother owns the joint. She insisted."

"Sure," Sonny laughed as Will started to nuzzle in against him. "OK, time we got you back. Thanks for the text, T."

"Sure," he grinned, hopping off the bar stool. "Well, I'll see ya, Will."

"Hey, Sonny," Will said. "Can we go now?"

"Sure, we can go," Sonny said, helping him down. "Oh, your grandmother is going to love this."

"No," Will protested. "Wanna be with you."

"Baby, you're—"

"Not drunk," Will said, stepping back from Sonny and standing up under his own volition. "But it was the quickest way to end my night with T."

"You're sneaky," Sonny laughed, pulling Will in.

"I was hoping you could be too?" he asked. "I really don't want to sleep alone tonight."

"How does this lead to me being sneaky?" Sonny asked, then he realised. "You're sure?"

"Grandma's apartment is too small, and from what you've said your room is at the end of a corridor, surrounded by empty rooms…"

"Been a while since I snuck someone in," Sonny laughed.

"So…? Is that a yes?"

"Will…"

"You really want to sleep alone?" Will asked.

Sonny thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. "Come on."

###

Sonny gestured that Will should go straight up the stairs while he stuck his head around the door to the sitting room. "Night," he said to his parents.

"Everything OK?" Adrienne asked. "You left pretty quickly."

"Yeah, just need to see to Will. He'd slightly overdone the leaving drinks with T."

"He OK?"

"Yeah, just needs to sleep it off," Sonny said.

"Well, I hope you both sleep well," Justin said pointedly.

"I…" Sonny started.

"Goodnight, baby," Adrienne smiled. "Ignore your father."

"I'm trying to," Sonny laughed.

"Night, Sonny," Justin said.

Sonny left them and was still giggling when he reached the top of the stairs. When Will peered nervously around one of the doors Sonny's giggles became outright laughter, and he pulled Will towards his room.

Once the door was shut behind them he pulled Will towards him, holding him and kissing him while pulling at his shirt.

"What's so funny?" Will asked.

"Doesn't matter," Sonny replied. "So—"

"Son," Will interrupted, putting his hands on Sonny's chest. "You know that when… T asked me if we were doing long distance, or… having a break."

"I know," Sonny said quietly. "I mean… I know."

"But we should talk about… what will happen."

" I don't understand," Sonny said, stepping back from Will.

"We… You… I mean…" He stopped and took a deep breath. "We're going to meet people. And I… we…"

"We should be free to date," Sonny finished.

"I just feel like… If we're going to know who we are, what we want?"

"I know," Sonny said, reaching out and putting his hands onto Will's shoulders. He ran his hands down Will's arms until he was holding his hands. "But right now, I still have you. You're still mine. And right now I don't want to be with anyone else but you."

"Me either," Will whispered into the kiss.

###

Will's breathing levelled out, and at times he even snored softly. His soft, blond hair was sticking out in several directions, one arm was extended up above his head while the other draped across his bare waist. The cool sheets pooled around his hips, over and under his legs and provided the most basic of modesty.

And to Sonny he had never looked more beautiful.

It was easy to imagine that beyond that closed door lay not the rest of the Kiriakis mansion but their own home. That beyond that home lay their own lives; his life, Will's life, their life. Justin's words had cut to him that morning, about how his plans before had revolved around Paul. Coming back to Salem, setting up Common Grounds? That had been his life, his plans, his dream. Something that had moved him away from Paul… and towards this man in his bed, in his life, in his heart.

Soon he would have very little of that left. And that terrified him.

For the first time in years he had no plans, no ideas of what was coming next. Even when he was travelling he mapped out his routes, his tours, knew each and every stop on his journey, right up until that night in San Francisco when a guy he'd met a few days before suggested that he come to a party that a friend was catering for and then all of his plans and ideas had gone out of the window with a smile and a nod in the direction of a door which led to a hallway and a rooftop and a conversation and a kiss.

Was his father right? Had he really lost himself in Paul and then Will? Paul had called Will a distraction, but it had been more than that. He'd been distracted for a long, long time, losing himself in the excitement of the secrecy, then the excitement of a proposal, of coming out, of the whirlwind that came with being with someone like Paul.

And then there was Will. Young and naïve and unsure and needing so much help and support and love. Teaching him all of it.

Where was Sonny Kiriakis in all of that? How had he let himself get so caught up in who he was with that he forgot who he was? Never part of something, just consumed by it.

_How can I be yours if I'm not mine first?_

His marriage to Paul hadn't failed because he'd fallen in love with Will, it failed because maybe he loved the idea of marriage more than the man he'd proposed it to. It failed because he didn't love Paul the way he loved Will.

He couldn't let it fail with Will. Sonny's hand reached out, smoothing down Will's hair, and with a deep breath… he let go.

###

As soon as T saw Will in the square he knew. Sighing he nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. They took a moment, looking at each other by way of a goodbye, and then Will continued on his way towards the coffee house.

"You not saying goodbye?" Gabi asked as she walked up to him

"Nah, we don't need to. Few months, years, whatever down the line? We'll pick up like old times," T said. "You?"

"Will and I… we said our goodbyes a while back."

"Did you sleep with him?" T asked.

Gabi hit him. "No!"

"I mean, you don't have to be embarrassed about it."

"And there I was, actually feeling sorry for you," Gabi laughed. "Had almost decided whether to give Joanne your number."

"Wait, what?" T asked. "Hot Joanne? With the… and the…?" he said, gesturing wildly. "Yes. Number."

"Not sure she'll want to go out with someone who thinks so little of me. I mean, we do go way back," she smiled.

"Yeah, OK, not my most tactful moment," T said. "It's just… you two have one hell of a history."

"Not everything comes down to sex, T," she pointed out. "There's nothing more Will and I can say to each other. He knows, I know, that's all we need."

"Yeah, well I hope Sonny knows too," T said.

###

Sonny held up the papers when Will walked in. "So it's official."

"What is?" Will asked.

"I am… divorced."

"Are you OK?"

"Knew it was coming," Sonny said with a small shrug. "Dad just dropped this off, said he'd been by the apartment first to give Paul his. He didn't say much. I should call him, should I call him? Or should I give him time?"

"I think… you should do what you think is right," Will said.

"Is that your way of not giving me an answer?" Sonny laughed.  
"Maybe," he smiled.

"So, to what do I owe this visit?" Sonny asked. When he saw the look on Will's face, he knew. "Right."

"I just—"

"No goodbyes, OK? We're not saying it."

"OK," Will whispered. He reached out and pulled Sonny into a hug. "I love you, you know that? I love you more than anything—"

"I know, I know," Sonny replied. "Just… be safe, please?"

"And you," Will said, pulling back to look at him, "you need to be happy."

"This is turning out to be a bigger day than I thought it would be," Sonny muttered. "You sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Oh I want you to," Will laughed, "but then we'd just be running from all of this and…"

"And no matter how far we run, we'd still wake up tomorrow with the same problems. I know. I was thinking about this last night, and I know you're right. I know we need to… take a step back."

"One day you and I are going to meet up again, and we will be better people than we are right now," Will said. "I will know who I am and what I want, and you will have forgiven yourself for this," he added, putting a hand on the papers. "And maybe then we can go for a drink?"

"So what? We wait for our paths to just cross again? Leave it to fate? How is this going to work with no contact?"

"We still have shared family," Will pointed out. "It's not like we won't be able to find each other."

"How long?"

"I don't know."

"So I just wait? Indefinitely?"

"Son—"

"I just want a timeframe on this."

"I can't give you one," Will said.

"So I just wait for you? Is that what this is?"

"No—"

"Just go, Will," Sonny snapped. "Clearly this is what you want so just… leave me."

"Sonny—"

"Have a good life," Sonny said, pushing back from Will and walking through to the office at the back. It took him a minute to regret it and come back out, but by then Will was gone. He ran out of the coffee house, through to the square, but there was no sign of him.

"You know, you're a jerk," T called out to him. "Of all the ways you could have ended it, you chose that?"

"Where is he?" Sonny asked. "I want—"

"Not happening," T said.

"This isn't the time to—"

"This is _exactly_ the time," he cut across. "Will told me to make sure you didn't do something stupid like go after him, and I'm going to keep my word. I was a shitty friend to him before and now I plan to make it up to him."

"So do that," Sonny begged, "let me do this properly."

"That's not what you need to do," T pointed out. "You gotta get yourself together, Sonny. Everyone keeps telling me about what a great guy you are and all I see is someone who lashes out when he doesn't get his way. You want to make it up to Will? Get yourself sorted and _then_ go after him. Because I bet the next time you see him you're not gonna want to let him go."

"But—"

"This is what he wants, Sonny," T pointed out, "and if you care about him at all then you need to respect that."

"What if he doesn't come back?" Sonny asked. "What if—"

"What if you get your head out of your ass, get your life together, and then in a few years' time you both get what you want?" T countered.

Sonny stopped and looked at T for a moment, seemingly weighing up his options. "You know where he's going."

"Of course I do," T said, "like I said, I'm tryin' to be his friend. And part of that means keepin' an eye on you and makin' sure that you're sticking to your side of this. We both know you two are screwed up in your own right and you can't put two screwed up people together and expect things to work out. So let him go and do his stuff and you do your stuff and when you're ready I promise you, you'll know."

"Thank you," Sonny said.

"Yeah, well, I'm doin' it for Will, not you. This doesn't make us good, Sonny. I know you love him but you still weren't fair to him. Jumping straight from a marriage into an affair? Really? Look… he's gonna be OK, and so will you. If you two really are meant to be, which you both seem sure you are, then a break really isn't a big deal? Just think of it as meeting the right person at the wrong time."

Sonny gave a small half shrug. "That's putting it mildly."

"Just give it time. If you really are going to have the rest of your lives together then what's a bit of time now?"

"Careful there, T. You're sounding very supportive of us."

"Don't get used to it," T said. "Like I said, I'm doing this for Will. If you don't measure up then there is no way I'm letting you have another shot at him."

"So I have to live up to your standards?" Sonny laughed. "Go on then, how do I do that?"

"Well, first thing we need to talk about is you giving me a job. That way I can keep an eye on you and maybe give you some tips about what it is you should be doing."

Sonny looked at T for a moment, laughed and shook his head, then walked away with T following close behind.

###

The seatbelt sign was turned off but Will didn't move. He pressed his head against the cool plexiglass of the window and stared down at the life he was leaving behind.

"Can I get you anything, sir?"

The deep voice cut into his thoughts, and he turned to face the flight attendant. "No, no I'm fine," he replied.

There was something in the way that he smiled back at Will, the quirk of a lip and the slight squint of the eyes that made Will smile before he turned back to staring out out his window. It didn't lessen the ache he felt but it did tell him that this would one day be worth it.

Just not today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue will be posted tomorrow.


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna hold you up from the epilogue to say thank you. And I mean it. Thank you. The comments and feedback I've gotten from this in light of what transpired in canon have ranked up there as some of the most meaningful, most humbling that I've ever had. I just wanted to explore a situation in which Sonny was married before he came back and then the show gave me Paul and over the last 14 months or so it has turned into this.
> 
> So thank you to those who've read, who've hit that little kudos button, and even more thank you if you've left me a comment. But so many thanks go to LA, who knew about this last year, has known more than some of you at some points, and who managed to not kill me when it took me 14 months to write this. They will sing songs of your patience. And your inability to type a text message without a typo.

The Californian day was just beginning to show its strength and Sonny took another swing from his water bottle, less out of a desire to stay hydrated and more because he needed something to do. He stared at the building in front of him, talking himself in and out of walking over there.

Beside him on the short wall was a well-thumbed book, pages curling up at the corner and when the wind caught it and flipped it open a little you could see notes and comments and annotations across a small number of the pages. The rest of the book, however, was untouched as if there was something about this section that held significance independent of the rest.

Across the plaza Sonny watched a few people moving in and out of the building, most of them weighed down with boxes and stands and chairs, making preparations for the main event. He was early, he'd done that by design not entirely sure if he would be welcome, wanted even. He looked down at the book and picked it up, holding it close like his shield, and he walked across the plaza as if he were walking across the square.

Once inside he looked around, searching for something – someone.

"You OK there?" a girl asked, moving to his side.

"Yeah, I was just looking for… Is Will Horton about?"

"Yeah, he's over there," she said, indicating where the room curved around to the right. "He'll be with his shadow," she added with a grin. "I don't think any of us have seen him or Matt more than ten feet away from each other."

Even when she'd walked away, continuing with the preparations for the event, Sonny remained rooted to the spot. That little voice in his head, the one that had been silently whispering to him on the whole flight here, now seemed to be laughing.

_Well what did you expect? No one waits three years on the off chance you track them down._

Finally listening to it, Sonny decided that he should get out of here before he made a complete fool of himself.

"Hey, Will! Someone here for you!" called someone – the same girl he'd just spoken to – and that voice in his head laughed again.

_Serves you right. Now you have to deal with this._

From around the corner walked two men. The one next to Will was still pulling at a tie around his neck, clearly unhappy with it. He batted away Will's hands when he reached for it. "Leave it, Will," he said.

"You're impossible, you know that?" Will laughed. "Do I need to come and dress you next week?"

"I don't know if you're supposed to be the one doing that," the other man – Sonny assumed it must be Matt – replied. "Won't you have other things to be getting on with before the ceremony?"

"And have you walking down that aisle with a crooked tie? Not on my watch," Will said, before he reached level with the girl who'd called him. When she pointed in the direction of Sonny he looked up, and everything about him just froze.

_Well this is the biggest mistake you've ever made_ , that voice whispered. _And you've made plenty._

"Sonny?" Will asked.

"Wait, this is Sonny?" Matt asked. The name seemed to get a reaction and suddenly everyone who had been busy doing other jobs was now alternating between looking at him and looking at Will, as if they were all waiting for something.

"What are you doing here?" Will asked.

"Well if I had to guess, I'd say he was here to see you, idiot," Matt said, hitting Will gently. "So go see him."

"I don't want to interrupt," Sonny said, trying desperately to think of something that would get him out of there as quickly as possible.

"He's got time," Matt said, shoving Will towards Sonny. "Go. Give me five minutes of peace where you're not giving me grief about my tie."

Will walked over to Sonny, and while he crossed that short distance Sonny tried so hard to get a read on the man in front of him, the man he once knew so well as to understand the slightest flicker of emotion across his face. He still looked like his Will, only… more grown up. There was a confidence in the way he set his shoulders, a maturity in his face, but there was still something of the person Sonny had once loved. Still did.

"Hi," Will said when he got closer. "I'm sorry, I just… You are pretty much the last person I expected to see."

"I'm sorry, I can go—"

"That wasn't what I meant," Will said quickly. "It's just a surprise that's all. How did you know where I was?"

The question wasn't mean or accusatory, it was just confusion. To answer it Sonny held up the book. _**Berkley Seniors Speak: A collection of writing, wittering, and whining.**_

"How did you get that?" Will asked.

"T gave it to me," Sonny said.

"T? Why would he do that? I mean… I didn't even know you two were friends."

"Believe me, I'm surprised too," Sonny said, unable to stop himself from smiling. "But since you left he… he took it upon himself to make sure that I was coming up to scratch."

"Up to scratch?"

"Good enough," Sonny said, leaving the 'for you' unsaid. "Somewhere along the line we became friends. That's the only reason I can come up with for why I hired him," he added, unable to stop himself from talking.

"T works at Common Grounds?"

"It's a club now," Sonny said, a hint of pride in his voice. "Club TBD."

"TBD?"

"To Be Determined. I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life, everything seemed to have that stamped on it, so it made sense."

"So you're doing well?"

"On the business front, yeah," Sonny said. "T said you sent him this, he gave it to me."

"So you came up to scratch," Will realised.

"Anyway, I just wanted… I heard about the book launch and I thought I could… it would… I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry." He turned to move away but Will's hand reached out and caught his arm. "It's OK."

"You fly down here to just go home? Why?" Will asked. "I mean… I thought you…" He stopped, turning back to look at the audience who were watching them intently. "Not here," he said to Sonny, his hand moving to grab Sonny's, and he pulled them towards a side room, shutting the door behind them. "Why did you come?" he asked.

"Because of this," Sonny admitted sadly, dropping the book onto a table.

Will picked it up, thumbing to his entry and the breath stuck in his throat as he saw the thumbed pages, the annotations, the comments and questions written throughout it in Sonny's script. Every part of his writing had been dissected, discussed, analysed and referenced.

"I thought it meant something," Sonny said. "It's us. You wrote about us."

Will's finger ran over the title – **Wrong Time** – at the top of the page, and then over Sonny's note _**but not the wrong man**_ and he looked up at him.

"I thought it meant something," Sonny said.

"But you don't now?"

"You… Matt… You were talking about a wedding."

Will nodded. "Next weekend."

"Right."

"It's not a big deal," Will shrugged. "I mean, I just have to make sure he gets there, don't forget the rings…" When Sonny looked up in confusion, he smiled. "I'm the best man. I introduced Matt to Natalie two years ago."

"I thought—"

"I'm getting that," Will laughed softly. "You read this? Repeatedly by the look of it," he added. "And I would ask what you thought about the ending, but you got on a plane and came to see me so I'm guessing you think that it does suggest that there's still hope."

"I had to at least find out," Sonny admitted.

"Yeah, well I wasn't expecting you to be here," Will said, putting the book down, "you're kinda messing with how this was all supposed to go. I was going to do this launch, then I was going to come back to Salem, just turn up at the coffee house – or the club now I guess – and order a coffee. And when you turned back around I'd have put a copy of this book on the counter, and I'd drink while you read it and I'd spend that whole time trying to work out if there's still something between us."

"So this…" Sonny ventured hesitantly.

Will gave a soft laugh, moving closer to Sonny. "I can't believe you're here," he said softly. Will gave a small shake of his head before moving forward, his hand quickly snaking around Sonny's waist to his back, pulling them flush together in a similarity that wasn't lost on either of them. Sonny laughed into the kiss, his arms wrapped around Will's neck and holding him close because there was no way he was letting him go again.

"Was this part of your plan?" Sonny laughed.

"Would you believe me if I said I wanted to take it slowly?" Will asked, kissing Sonny just once more. "I still… I mean, we should…"

"Yeah," Sonny breathed, kissing Will again. "We should."

"Yeah, we can't rush this," Will agreed with another kiss.

"It's too important," Sonny continued. "We have time."

"Yeah," Will whispered. "Although…"

"What?"

"There is a back way out and my place is five minutes away."

Sonny laughed, pulling Will back into a kiss.

###

As soon as the door was shut behind them hands were pulling at tops and anything that stood in the way of them being together.

"But then we take it slow, yes?" Will asked.

"Yes, slow," Sonny laughed.

"Wait, wait, wait," Will said, putting his hands on Sonny's shoulders to stop him. "Full disclosure."

"What?"

"Four guys," Will said. "Two were… short-lived, one was almost a year. Ended when he asked me to move in with him because… well… I didn't want that with him. I've had it, I've had that full time and… Not with him."

"Paul and I tried again," Sonny admitted. "There was just too much there between us and I guess we wanted to try. To see. Managed a little over six months but it just didn't work. What we had, me and Paul… it wasn't enough. For either of us. After that there were a few dates, something short-term but most of it was just to convince people that I wasn't just waiting around for you to come back."

"Were you?" Will asked.

"How hard would you judge me if I said yes?" Sonny laughed.

"Seeing you today… I am _so_ glad you came."

"And we have T to thank for that."

"Do me a favour?"

"Anything," Sonny breathed, nuzzling in against Will's jaw line.

"Don't mention T when we're heading for bed. Again."

"Deal," Sonny said, grabbing Will and pulling him in for another kiss as they fell onto the bed. 

###

"So I've gone over your notes and I think I'm pretty much up to speed with everything," Dr Thomas said, "but I like to start with each new patient having them tell me about why they seek out therapy, what they hope to achieve from the sessions, that sort of thing."

"So you want a 'story so far'?" Will laughed. "Um, OK. Basically I am pretty screwed up but I'm working hard not to be. I'd like to say that it all started when I realised I was gay but my parents are probably responsible for a lot of what goes on in my head. My partner was married to someone else back before gay marriage was actually legal, we had an affair, we broke up, I moved away, we reunited, and after three years together he proposed to me and I said no.

"Last year we found out that Paul, that's Sonny's ex, got married and since then there's been this… thing between us about marriage. He knows I don't want it but I know he does and that's hard. Some days more than others but we work at it. Our life is good; he runs a chain of clubs here in L.A., and my fifth book comes out in a couple of months.

"How's that?"

"Sounds like a summary of some TV show," Thomas said. "I'm more interested in you."

"Dr Jones was like that too," Will smiled. "He said I'd like you."

"Do you defect often?"

"All the time, Dr Thomas."

"So I see. So let's be brutal. Why did you say no?"

"Because I don't want to get married."

"Any particular reason for that?"

"That's not in my notes?"

"Maybe," she shrugged. "Let's pretend it's not."

"Ever since same-sex marriage was legalised there's been this… expectation that Sonny and I would get married. I know he thought so. But to me marriage is just hassle and pain when it goes wrong."

"When," she repeated.

"What?"

"You said when it goes wrong. Not if."

"I'll be honest with you, Doc, I have almost no experience of anyone who has a successful marriage."

"Almost thirty five years," she said, holding up her left hand to display her rings. "College sweethearts, three kids, first grandchild due next summer."

"Congratulations."

"There, now you know someone with what would appear to be a successful marriage."

"And is it?"

"Deflecting again."

"Your fault," Will pointed out. "You brought your marriage into this."

"It's successful in that we haven't gotten a divorce," Thomas said, "but it's not been easy. No relationship is."

"I know that. Sonny and I… we had this huge fight a couple of years ago where he ended up buying a ticket back to Salem – that's where his parents live – and I really thought that was it for us."

"What happened?"

"I hid his passport and driver's licence so he couldn't get on the plane. Made him stay and talk to me."

"Did it work?"

"We're still together," Will shrugged.

"Sounds to me that you are very committed to making your relationship work. So what is it about marriage that puts you off? For many people it only strengthens that love and commitment and—"

"And it's a permanent tie," Will said. "Sonny bought a ticket, he nearly left. He could have left and that would have been that. He can walk away from me and from our life at any time. The house is in our names, and we have a joint bank account to run it, but other than that? There's nothing."

"And this is more appealing to you?"

"It's better," Will corrected, "because it means that I know he could leave. I know that at any moment Sonny could go. I could go home from this session to find a note on the draining board and his side of the closet empty. Knowing that means that I have to work. I can't take anything, I can't take him for granted, because without any notice he could just… go."

"You realise that you can do all that in a marriage, right? Just leave?"

"Yeah, but he'd have to talk to me through lawyers," Will said.

"I don't think that's the whole reason," Thomas said. "I think it's a big part, and it's what you've told Sonny—"

"I _knew_ Doctor Jones would leave notes."

"—but I'm not your partner. I'm your new therapist who you're going to be seeing every two weeks. You've been seeing Doctor Jones pretty much since you moved to Los Angeles, having transferred from your therapist at Berkley. You've had a standing appointment with a professional for the best part of a decade, and a part of me wonders what it is that you're seeking from these sessions."

"They help me process things," Will said. "I always found it better to talk to someone, someone not involved in my drama. And there is a lot of it."

"I know," Thomas smiled, "I have read your files."

"It's better. My head is a mess and when I talk to someone…"

"It helps," she finished. "Don't worry, I'm not about to send you out into the cold. But I still haven't figured out what you want from me."

"I thought this was a getting-to-know-you session," Will said, "what with you just taking over the practice and—"

"Oh, I know you. But I don't know what you want."

"What does anyone want?"

"Everyone's different."

"I want to be happy. Successful. I want a good life with the man I love."

"Do you have that? Five books, L.A. clubs… Seems to me you have the success bit down, you have the man you love. Is it a good life?"

"I think so," Will smiled. 

"Does he?"

"I hope so."

"Hope?"

"He thinks that it would be… better if we were married. He respects my decision to say no, but we have this… thing. Every year he asks me again, just in case I change my mind."

"So he's hoping that one day you will?"

"I guess."

"Doesn't that tell you something?"

"What?"

"Will, in my experience, when someone knows there is no hope or chance of something happening then they tend to give up on it. But Sonny hasn't given up on you. He is still with you, still proposing."

"Every year, same day."

"And what are you going to say next week when he asks?"

Will gave a small laugh. "You certainly have a head for details."

Thomas shrugged. "It's why Doctor Jones let me take over his practice, and it's why I insisted on you being my patient instead of my partner's. Soon as I read your files, I knew."

"Why me?"

"Because you're fascinating," she said. "Because there's so much strength and positivity in your history and yet you come back, every two weeks, and unpick all the upsets and failings like they're all that matters."

"That's not… I mean, I know there's good stuff there too. But the bad has a habit of getting in the way and I have… made some _seriously_ bad choices in my past. Stuff I can't even talk to you about."

"I know," she said. "But you talk to Sonny about them."

"Is that in my files too?"

"No, it's written all over your face. You are trying too hard to have every part of your life open for inspection that you're leaving out one very big part of it."

"What's that?"

"You want to say yes to Sonny."

"No, I—"

"You love him, and you want to take that leap, make that commitment to him because you are more certain now than ever that he wants to be with you. I think you called it the 'easy option'? If you'd married Sonny when he asked then you wouldn't know if it was just easier for him to settle with you or not. But in the past six years since that first proposal – well, almost six I guess – you've come to realise that he is with you for the long haul, and he's going nowhere. Whether his ring is on your finger or not."

"Let's say for a moment that you're right, and I do want to marry him," Will said, "it's not exactly a guarantee."

"Nothing is," Thomas said. "Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're going to be with them forever. Sonny and Paul loved each other once, now Paul is married to someone else and probably happier than he's ever been if half the magazine spreads are to be believed."

"So everything worked out for the best, and to complete the happy ending Sonny and I get married and have kids and just… get on with life?"

"Why not? It's what most people do."

"Not anyone I know, and certainly not anyone in my family."

"Were any of them gay?"

"What?" Will asked.

"Your family. Any out-and-proud, flag-flying gay members before you?"

"No," Will said, unsure of whether he should be offended or not.

"So you're the first," she pointed out. "No one was before you and yet here you are. A gay Horton. The first of your kind."

"So why can't I be the first Horton to have a successful marriage?" Will asked, realising the direction she'd been going in.

"What are you waiting for? Some kind of celestial sign? A note from the President telling you that it's OK for you to get married?"

"Be nice for someone to tell me that I'm not going to make a mistake."

"You will. It's called life. And if you honestly think getting married will be a mistake then turn Sonny down next week and next year, or tell him to just stop. Or, if you're worried about some future mistake, then don't. You're letting that affect how you're living now and that? That's the mistake."

"You're a lot more forthright than Doctor Jones ever was."

"The only three people in this life I have ever babied were my own," she said, "and even then I stopped eventually. You come here because you want help unpicking the mess in your head? Fine, I can help you do that. And here's the first piece of unpicking:

"Before our next session in two weeks I want you to think about the real reason you keep turning Sonny down."

"Most marriages end in divorce—"

"Any many don't," she interrupted. "Many couples work at it the way that you and Sonny are already working at it. They get help when they need it and they don't give up."

"Help? Like… counselling?"

"Sometimes. And if you want me to do some joint sessions with you both then I'm happy to do that."

"I'll talk to Sonny about that. If I need to, that is."

"Whatever you want, Will. And I will be honest with you, but these are your sessions. My job is to work with you, not against you."

"No, this… this is good, this is what I need," Will said. "I think we're going to get on."

"Good," Thomas smiled. "So, I'll see you in two weeks?"

"Of course."

"Let him down gently, OK?"

"Always do."

###

Will called out as he got home, and he followed Sonny's voice through to the kitchen where he was putting the finishing touches to the dinner preparations. They kissed in greeting, Will poured the wine, and they talked and drank and laughed and kissed until the timer went signalling that the food was cooked. After they'd eaten and cleaned up they took the last of the wine out onto the small veranda and they sat on the love seat, almost one on top of the other. Sonny asked his usual general questions about the session and Will gave his usual general responses.

Once the sun had gone down and the temperature dropped a little they moved inside; Sonny made the popcorn while Will cued up the movie. Twenty minutes in they were making out and barely made it halfway before Sonny turned it off and led Will by his hand to their bed.

"I was thinking maybe we could go away next weekend?" Sonny asked as they started to strip down. "Long weekend, somewhere remote. Just us."

"Sounds good," Will replied.

"Maybe a change of scenery will change your answer?" Sonny joked, reaching out and grabbing Will by the loops on his jeans. The old joke still raised a smile, and Will grinned back, kissing him long and slow before pushing him onto the bed. "Shall I book somewhere?"

As Will lowered his body onto Sonny's, the well-worn joke settled in his head, right next to Doctor Thomas' question: _What are you waiting for?_ He looked at the man under him, looking up at him with warm eyes full of trust and love and hope, even after all this time.

"No, let me," Will said. "Let me surprise you."


End file.
